When it comes to romantic attraction, it is often said that one is attracted to someone who matches their facial feature in some way. And while there will be couples who do look like each other either in the beginning of the relationship or whose faces will grow to mimic each other’s over time, there will also be numerous relationships where people look nothing like each other.
So this is just one example of where one can be attracted to what is familiar. And in this case, what is familiar is what is primarily going on at a physical level. There is another type of familiarity and this relates to what is going on beyond physical appearances and what is not always visible to the eyes.
This could be described as an emotional familiarity. One is then not necessarily attracted to someone who looks like them; they are attracted to people who will create an emotional experience that feels familiar to them. And this doesn’t have to be an experince that is healthy or functional; it could just as easily be unhealthy and dysfunctional.
Once something has become familiar, the ego mind will cause one to attract and to seek out experiences that reflect this familiarity. And this is because what is familiar, is what is safe to the ego mind. It doesn’t matter if it is benefiting ones wellbeing or not, all that matters is that it is familiar.
This is something Sigmund Freud called repetition compulsion. So one will re-create the same experience over and over again and this is typically done unconsciously and out of one’s awareness. One could constantly end up in certain situations and be attracted to certain people and wonder what is going on and why this keeps happening.
Here, one could feel like a victim and that they have no control or influence over who they attract or who they are attracted to. When one is out of touch with their unconscious mind or the body, it is natural to come to the conclusion that life is just happening randomly and that one is just a bystander.
The conscious mind or the intellect will then create all kinds of stories as to why some people keep showing up or why one is attracted to certain people. So from this position, everything can appear disconnected and have no connection whosoever.
The Forgotten past
And while the mind (conscious mind) can have amnesia when it comes to what happened during ones past, the body (unconscious mind) doesn’t forget and knows only too well what happened. When this disconnection occurs, it is like a bridge that has been broken, but this is not any bridge, it is a bridge that connects two worlds.
Once ones past has been forgotten about and the mind is living in a place of complete amnesia or a mild form of it, what happened before can seem irrelevant and have no importance or impact on what is taking place in ones present life. And this is because it is generally what is going on in one’s body that is manifesting their reality and not what is going on in their mind.
This is the worlds of feelings emotions and this creates the resonance and the energy that defines what one will attract or repel. The mind on the other hand, has ideas about reality and will create beliefs through what it observes, based on what one has attracted or hasn’t attracted into their life.
If what is familiar is not healthy or functional, the mind can come up ideas about why that is, but the answers are not there. Ones awareness has to drop into their body to find the real answers as to why they are attracted to and attract the people they do.
So familiarly is not only something one can have in relation to what enhances their life, it can also be something that could destroy their wellbeing and even their life. It is ultimately neutral and right or wrong, or good or bad, doesn’t even come into it.
And once something is familiar, it can take a lot of work and commitment to change it. At times one can do this by themselves and yet at other times, it can require additional assistance and support.
What is interpreted as familiar by the body as an adult could have been what took place during ones adult years and what happened when they were children or babies. This may have been a one off event that was traumatic or an accumulation of events that were not overly stressful, but as time passed, they were just as traumatic.
And these events would have created a certain emotional experience and these formed a kind of preset for what one’s body would feel comfortable with and see as familiar. So this can cause one to continually end up in situations and to be around people that don’t serve them.
As anything can be familiar and familiar doesn’t have to be healthy, there are numerous examples. And some of these examples can be extremely dysfunctional.
A common example is of someone who is in a relationship with someone who is abusive or who continually attracts people who are. And while this can be an intimate relationship, it can also include friends. This can be the result one of being brought up in a dysfunctional environment and therefore becoming familiar with dysfunction.
Another example is of someone who constantly watches films to do with horror or violence. In recent years, S & M has become part of mainstream culture and a recent book has played a big role in this. Both of these examples could reflect what it was like for this person growing up and while times have changed, the emotional experience is still in their body.
Music is another thing that triggers an emotional experience that can be familiar for someone. Classical music is often peaceful and if one is carrying a lot of trauma or pain, they might choose music that is loud or aggressive, as this reminds them of what it was like during their early years.
These feelings and emotions that were experienced on numerous occasions when one was younger, have stayed trapped in one’s body and are defining what one is attracted to and attracts.
So for as long as they remain in one’s body, ones internal idea of what is familiar will stay the same. But as these trapped feelings and emotions are released from one’s body, ones resonance will change. And through this taking place, who they are attracted to and attract will also change.
This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer who will allow one to face their trapped feelings and emotions and release them.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.