Although some people feel comfortable with themselves, there are others who experience life differently. And it could be said that one will achieve more when they feel comfortable in their own skin, so to speak.
Based on this, if one doesn’t feel comfortable with themselves, it will then be normal for them to be in a position where they haven’t achieved very much. Yet while this can sound accurate, it doesn’t mean that this is always going to be the case.
What this comes down to is that one can end up using the pain that is within them to drive them forward. When this happens, one won’t allow how they feel about themselves to hold them back; they will use it to their advantage.
As a result of this, they could end up achieving far more than someone that does feel comfortable with who they are. But if this pain was to disappear, their desire to achieve could soon start to settle down.
However, if one believes that they need to achieve things in order to be accepted by others, it is highly unlikely that they will be able to take a step back. Instead, one is likely to continue to behave in the same way.
Even so, they are likely to find that they are unable to appreciate what they do achieve, and this is because they will feel the urge to achieve something else. This comes down to the fact that no matter what they achieve in the external world, it won’t change how they feel about themselves.
In this sense, it could be said that one achieves things in order to regulate how they feel. Once they achieve something, they could feel as though they are enough, and then as time passes, their mental and emotional state could soon start to change.
One could then end up being caught up in how they feel and the thoughts in their mind, or they could avoid what is taking place within them by taking action. It is then going to be as if one is stuck on a treadmill that they can’t get off.
Still, there is the chance most of the people that they come into contact with wont even realise what is taking place. In their eyes, one could be seen as someone who is the epitome of success, and it will then be normal for them to see them as an example to follow.
This could be a sign that some of these people don’t know much about them and/or it could show that they are also trying to run away from themselves. Either way, it is not going to be possible for them to see clearly.
Yet even though one can become a high achiever when they don’t feel comfortable with themselves, there is also the chance that this won’t take place. Now, this is not to say that they won’t be seen as successful; what it means is that their life won’t be defined by the need to achieve.
Nevertheless, they are still likely to find it hard to accept what they do achieve, and they may be used to experiencing anxiety. The reason for this is that how they come across is likely to be completely different to how they feel on the inside.
As although they can come across as though they are capable human beings, they are not going to feel like this on the inside. The reason they don’t feel comfortable with themselves can be because they feel worthless.
This is why it won’t matter what they achieve externally, as it won’t change how they feel about themselves. Therefore, if they do experience anxiety, it can relate to what they believe would happen if people found about who they really are.
It is then going to be important for them to do everything they can to stop people from realising who they are. If they were to find out, one can believe that it will cause other people to reject and/or abandon them.
Thus, due to what they believe would happen if other people were to find out who they are, it is to be expected that they would fear being exposed. The only way for them to be accepted will be to maintain a certain appearance.
This is also likely to mean that their relationships are not going to be very fulfilling, as they will have to put on an act around other people. Their true-self will be in hiding, and what people will see is a false-self.
But while this will lead to a lonely existence, it is going to be something that they believe they have to put up with. What this shows is that when one fears being exposed, it is likely to affect every area of their life.
One way of looking at this would be to say that one is unable to take a step back from what it taking place within them. This is then going to stop them from being able to see that there is nothing wrong with who they are.
Having said that, even if one was able to take a step back it still doesn’t mean that they will be able to reveal themselves. What this can show is how strong this fear is, and how it might be necessary for them to reach out for support.
If one was to look back on their life, they may find that their younger years were a time when they were not accepted by their caregiver/s. During these years, one may have been abused and/or neglected.
This then caused them to believe that is something inherently wrong with them, and this would have meant that they experienced toxic shame. They would then have had no other choice than to create a false-self in order to be accepted by others.
If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, they may need to work with a therapist. This will allow them to deal with what is taking place within them so that they can finally be themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.