Being Seen: Can Child Abuse Stop Someone From Feeling Safe Enough To Be Seen?

Even though someone’s physical self will be seen by others, it doesn’t mean that the rest of them will typically be seen by others. What this means is that their inner world, so what their thoughts are about certain things and how they feel, for instance, might seldom be revealed to others.

If this is the case, it is going to illustrate that they usually wear a mask when they are around others and, consequently, who they are will rarely see the light of day. They are then going to be a separate human being who has their own self but they will act as if they are an extension of others.

For Example

When they are with a friend or a family member, they could be easy-going and make out that everything is fine. This will stop them from feeling truly connected to another and another from feeling truly connected to them.

The reason for this is that in order for both of these things to take place; they would need to express what is going on for them. With this in mind, it won’t matter if they spend a fair amount of time around others as they are still going to feel alone.

Hidden

But, if they are not in tune with how they feel or most of their needs, this is not going to be something that they are aware of. Their sense of aloneness will be outside of this couscous awareness.

Being around people who they don’t fully open up to will be better than nothing, of course, and it will allow them to feel more at ease. Yet, compared with how it would be if they were to open up, it will be a poor replacement.

Stepping Back

After a while, they might end up coming to see that they are seldom seen by others and this could fill them with a deep sense of loneliness. This will show that what they have denied for so long has entered their conscious awareness.

Now, after they have spent time around a friend or a family member who they didn’t share their thoughts or feelings with, they could feel deeply frustrated and helpless. At this stage, they could struggle to understand why they behave in this way.

Looking Back

What might soon enter their mind is that they have behaved in this way for as long as they can remember. If so, it might be hard for them to imagine that their life could be any different.

Not only this, although they will want their life to change, they can find that they also have a strong need to continue to hide themselves. To say that they will feel trapped at this point might be an understatement.

An Exercise

If they were to imagine that they were to meet a friend or a family member and were to open up about what is going on for them, so the other person was to actually see them, they could end up experiencing a fair amount of anxiety. They might even experience fear and terror after a while.

What this will demonstrate is that revealing who they are is seen as a threat to their survival as opposed to something that is going to serve them. Naturally, as this is what revealing themselves means to a big part of them, it is to be expected that they would generally hide themselves.

What’s going on?

If this is how they have been for as long as they can remember, it could show that their early years were not very nurturing. Their home environment might have been more like a war zone than somewhere where they felt safe, secure, protected, supported and loved.

Throughout this stage of their life, they might have been physically harmed, verbally put down and neglected. Feeling scared, anxious, fearful, terrified, and as though they were going to die would have been normal.

One option

As they were powerless and totally dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. They would have simply had to disconnect from themselves, losing touch with their feelings and most of their needs in the process.

Along with this, keeping what was taking place inside them and perhaps hiding would have been seen as the way for them to survive. This is because, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place.

Powerless

In reality, how they were treated had nothing to do with them or how they behaved and everything to do with what was going on for their parent or parents. Most likely, due to how wounded one or both of their parents were, they were unable to truly be there for them and provide them with the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Now that this stage of their life is over, they no longer need to hide who they are; they can be seen. Nonetheless, for them to know this at the core of their being, they are likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk