Being Seen: Can Childhood Trauma Set Someone Up To Believe That They Need To Hide Themselves?

For some people, it will be hard for them to accept that someone would be able to hide themselves when they are around others. In their eyes, this will be seen as something that could only take place if they were away from others.

Here, someone would be away from others and this would prevent their fellow human beings from being able to see them. So, in this instance, they would definitely be hiding from other people.

In Plain Sight

Nonetheless, while this might sound accurate, it could be seen as a surface level understanding. The truth is that someone can hide even if they are around others, which means that they don’t need to isolate themselves to do this.

When this takes place, they will be around others, but every part of their being won’t show up. They can then create the impression that they are there, whilst not actually being there.

Zooming In

To be more specific, their physical body will be there but their emotional body won’t be fully there. Another way of looking at it would be to say that their false-self will be on show and their true-sell will have gone into hiding.

Their behaviour and what they say and emote is then not going to be an outpouring of what is truly taking place inside them; it will be an act that is the result of their need to please others. Their true feelings will be overlooked and this is going to prevent them from being able to deeply connect to others.

Disconnected

Not being connected to their feelings, and a lot of their needs, will cause them to act more like an extension of others than an individual. They won’t be connected to themselves and this is then why they won’t be able to deeply connect to others.

At times, there may be people who realise that something isn’t right, and, at others, it might not stand out. If, for example, one was to spend time with people who are also out of touch with themselves, there is going to be no reason for these people to notice.

A Miserable Existence

If one is able to receive a fair amount of approval, living in this way might not be too bad; at least for a little while. But as the years go by, they may soon start to notice that living in this way is no longer cutting it, so to speak.

They could end up feeling empty and as though they are not really living. Thus, as opposed to embracing the life that they have been given, they will merely be going through the motions and living a life that is out of alignment with who they are.

Away From Others

If one has come to this conclusion, they might be in touch with who they are – their needs and feelings - when they are in their own company. It will then seem strange as to why they lose touch with these elements and wear a mask around others.

During this time, they could experience a fair amount of frustration and feel helpless. If they don’t feel this way, they could just feel very low or depressed, and wonder if they can be bothered to carry on any longer.

Out of Sync

For them to lead a life that is worth living, their outer world will need to be more aligned with what is taking place inside them. A big part of this will involve them being in touch with, and expressing, their true-self around others.

The question is: Why do they hide who they are around others? As this is something that will probably take place automatically, there is a strong chance that their conscious mind won’t be aware of why this is.

A Closer Look

The first thing that stands out here is that they don’t feel comfortable fully showing up around others, which most likely shows that they believe that there is something wrong with their true-self. There is then something inherently wrong with who they are, and, to avoid being rejected and abandoned, they have to hide behind a false-self.

Consequently, revealing who they are around others is going to be seen as something that is a threat to their very survival. In addition to this, their being may be loaded with toxic-shame and self-hate.

Way Back

What this may illustrate is that their early years were a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Instead of receiving the love, care and positive affirmation that they needed to be able to develop in the right way, they would have been routinely traumatised and undermined.

This would have been a time in their life when they were egocentric, which would have meant that they wouldn’t have been able to realise that how they were being treated had nothing to do with them. It was simply a reflection of what was taking place for their caregiver/s or whoever it was who harmed them.

Awareness

The truth is that they are not inherently worthless or undeserving of a fulfilling life. For them to understand this at the core of their being, however, they will need to work through the layers of pain that are likely to be inside them.

This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk