Being Seen: Can Developmental Trauma Give Someone A Strong Need To Be Seen?

Having the need to be seen is a normal part of life; this is part of being an independent human being. Nonetheless, someone can have such a strong need to be seen that it consumes them.  

As a result of this, if they are not doing what they can to receive attention, they can be thinking of ways to receive attention. Now, this could be something that they are aware of, or it could be something that is outside of their conscious awareness.

The Outcome

If they are not consciously aware of their strong need for attention, they are not going to be able to do anything about what is going on. As to why they would need to do anything about this, it is because living in this way is likely to cause them to neglect a number of their other needs.

By living in an unbalanced way, then, they will deprive themselves of a number of things. For example, being so concerned about receiving attention is likely to mean that they will have the inclination to ignore their true self.

Self-Alienation

In fact, they might not even be connected to their true self, with them being more or less completely focused on pleasing others. If so, their true self will have been covered up by a false self.

This self will have most likely been created in order to allow them to receive attention and approval and acceptance from others. Still, this is not to say that this is something that they consciously chose to create as an adult.

Up And Down

But, although this false self is likely to have been constructed to achieve this aim, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to receive the amount of attention that they desire. There can then be moments when they will but they could be far more moments when they don’t.

Due to this, they could often feel deeply frustrated and helpless and hopeless. This is likely to be a time when they will feel deprived of energy and they could feel invisible and as though they don’t even exist.

One Scenario

If they are in a relationship, for instance, they could be with someone who is not very present and doesn’t really see them. This is then going to be an area of their life where they feel deprived and experience feelings that they would rather not experience.

There is a strong chance that this is not the first time they have been in this position, though. If they were to look back on their life, they may find that this is something that has happened at least once before.

Running On Empty

So, no matter how much attention they do receive, it is not going to be enough for them. They are going to experience a lot of highs and a lot of lows, and they could be desperate for their life to change.

In their eyes, if they were to receive all of the attention that they need, this would allow them to finally be happy. What could enter their mind is that if they were famous, they would finally be able to achieve this outcome.

An Emotional Hole

But, even if they were to become famous and received attention from thousands or even millions of people, it is unlikely to be enough. After a while, they would probably get used to it and still feel a sense of emptiness; craving even more attention.

This is not to say that having this amount of attention wouldn’t nourish them to a certain extent and cause them to experience less pain. What it comes down to is that they are likely to be carrying a deep wound and this wound won’t truly be filled from the outside; it has to be filled from the inside.

Stepping Back

If they were able to mentally detach from how they experience life and were able to see that they have an emotional hole inside them, with this being the reason why they crave so much attention, they could wonder what is going on. What could also cross their mind is that even though they crave it, they also fear it.

At this point, they could struggle to understand why they are this way, with their mind going blank. This could illustrate that their brain has blocked out the information that would shed light on why they are this way and this will have taken place to protect them, not harm them.

Back In Time

During their developmental years, they might have often been left and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care. This would have deprived them of the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way and caused them to experience a lot of pain – pain that their brain would have automatically repressed.

At this stage of their life, being seen, so being held, touched and fed at the right time and on a consistent basis, for instance, was a key part of what would allow them to develop a strong sense of self. Not having this need met on a consistent basis wouldn’t have caused this need, as well as other developmental needs, to disappear; no, it would have simply gone into hiding.

A Natural Outcome

Taking this into account, it is not their adult self that craves so much attention; it is the child parts inside them. But, as these parts will have merged with their adult self, they won’t have been able to realise this.

What took place will also explain why part or parts of them also feel uncomfortable with receiving attention, as the attention they did receive wasn’t overly nourishing. Now that this stage of their life is over, their unmet developmental needs, and the pain that goes with them, will need to be faced and grieved. 
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Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk