Being Seen: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Believe That They Don’t Deserve To Be Seen?

As someone is an interdependent human being, it will be important for them to have relationships where they are seen and heard. When this takes place, not only will their physical self be seen but their inner world will also be seen.

This will take place by them opening up about how they feel, expressing their needs, and sharing what is and isn’t going well in their life. What this will do is strengthen their sense of self and have a positive effect on their well-being.

The Opposite

If, on the other hand, only their physical self was seen but what was going on inside them was not acknowledged by others, they wouldn’t truly be seen and heard. They could then be surrounded by people but it wouldn’t make much difference as they would feel disconnected and alone.

This would weaken their sense of self and have a negative effect on their well-being. Their life is then not going to be as fulfilling as it would be and they are not going to be anything like the person that they would be.

The Norm

Now, if someone is in this position, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of the fact that they are not seen by the people in their life. The reason for this is that they might have experienced life in this way for a very long time.

They can then often feel drained and very low but they won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak. The people in their life might not know this, though, as they could typically hide what is really going on for them.

An Act

In general, when they are around others, they could come across as though everything is fine and appear to be happy. But, behind the mask that they wear will be someone who is missing out on the emotional nutrients that they need and is not in a good place.

It is likely to get harder and harder for them to maintain this act, and there could come a point in time when they can no longer behave in this way. What could play a part in this is that they could meet someone and end up revealing their inner world to them.

A Big Impact

As a result of feeling comfortable in their presence, they could simply open up about how they feel and what has been troubling them. After this, it could be as if they have received something that they have needed for a very long time.

Thanks to this new reference point, it will be easy for them to see why they haven’t been at their best. They will know that, in order for them to thrive, they will need to share their inner world and for their inner world to be acknowledged by others.

A Hurdle

Even so, the thought of being seen by others could cause them to feel uncomfortable. This could be a time when they will imagine being criticised and humiliated as opposed to being supported and accepted.

Furthermore, they might not believe that they are worthy and deserving of being seen by others. Due to this, they could soon go back to behaving in the same way as they have done for many, many years.

What’s going on?

As they are an interdependent human being that needs to have relationships where they are seen and heard to be at their best, it can seem strange as to why they would be this way. Revealing who they are should feel comfortable and be something that they feel worthy and deserving of experiencing.

If this is how they have been for as long as they can remember, it is likely to show that their early years were not very nurturing. One or both of their parents might not have been able to attune to their needs and simply saw them as an extension of themselves.

A Rough Time

Consequently, they would have had at least one parent that was unable to truly see them and this would have greatly wounded them. Feeling invisible, ignored, worthless, unwanted and unloved would have been normal.

To handle this pain, their brain would have repressed how they felt and their developmental needs, and they would have created a disconnected false self. This false self would have been a way for them to be accepted by at least one parent who simply couldn’t accept them.

The Fall Out

If they were not egocentric at this stage and their brain was more developed, they wouldn’t have personalised what took place. This would have allowed them to see that there wasn’t anything wrong with their true self and that they are not worthless or unlovable.

However, for them to realise this at the core of their being, they are likely to have a lot of pain to work through. This will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

---

​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk