Being Seen: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Continually End Up In Situations Where They Are Not Seen?

Just because someone has the need to be seen, it doesn’t mean that they will generally be able to fulfil this need. They could often feel invisible and as though they don’t even exist.

But, if this is just what is normal, it is unlikely to be something that will stand out. This is then just going to be how their life is and they are likely to lead a miserable life, with them often feeling hopeless and helpless.

Stepping Back

If they are in this position and were to become aware of what is going on, they could question why their life is this way. They might wonder if there is something wrong with them and/or if they are missing something.

What might also enter their mind is if there is something wrong with their appearance and if they need to change how they look. Yet, even if they were to ‘work’ on their appearance, it doesn’t mean that their life would truly change.

Their Experience

When they are not seen, it doesn’t necessarily mean that another person won’t look at them. No, it will mean that they won’t be treated like someone who has their own needs and feelings.

Therefore, they can be in the presence of another or others and their presence won’t be acknowledged. As a result of being deprived in this way, it is to be expected that they will suffer.

Not an Island

If they were truly an independent human being as opposed to an interdependent human being, it wouldn’t matter if they were typically not seen by others. But as this is not the case, like a plant that is rarely watered, they will miss out on what they need.

At times, they could give up and end up spending a lot of time by themselves. This will stop them from being able to be seen but it will also stop them from having to experience the pain of not being seen.

Emotionally Malnourished

After spending a certain amount of time by themselves, they could feel even more empty and lonely than normal. Deep down, they could hope that someone will reach out to them and acknowledge their existence.

This might seldom happen, though, and they could soon feel compelled to reach out to someone who is unable to see them. This might take the edge off their emptiness and loneliness but it is unlikely to do much else.

An Analogy

Ultimately, they are going to want a full-course meal, not scraps of food but this is what they will typically receive. When their existence is acknowledged, that’s if this takes place, they could almost feel high.

They will have finally received what they need after going so long without it and so it is to be expected that this would have a big impact on them. However, before long, they could soon go back to feeling deprived and hope that they will soon be seen again.

A Deeper Look

When it comes to why their life is this way, there is a strong chance that what took place during their formative years has played a big part. This may have been a time when they were brought up by at least one parent who lacked the ability to see them as an individual who had their own needs and feelings.

Perhaps due to this parent being in a disordered state, they saw them as an extension of themselves. In this parent’s eyes, then, they would have been nothing more than an object that was there to serve their needs.

Totally Powerless

Before long, they are likely to have disconnected from a number of their needs and lost touch with their feelings. Being in touch with a number of their needs and feelings would have been too painful.

So, in order for them to handle what was going on, as they wouldn’t have been able to change their parent, they would have automatically adapted to their environment. This would have been a time when they were deeply wounded and had to lose touch with their true self.

Repetition Compulsion

Now, what took place will be over but they will still carry most if not all of the pain that they experienced, along with their unmet developmental needs, and they won’t be strongly connected to their true self. Furthermore, a big part of them will have the need to recreate what it was like for them as a child and perhaps before to try to receive what they missed out on.

What this means is that they don’t just happen to end up around people who can’t see them, it is by design. Yet, as this won’t be something that they consciously choose to experience, it will seem as though this is something that just happens to them.

Moving Forward

For them to put an end to what is going on and have people in their life who can actually see them, it will most likely be necessary for them to face and work through the pain inside them and experience their unmet developmental needs. By engaging in this process, their need to unconsciously recreate situations where they are deprived will gradually subside.

This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk