Being Seen: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Engage In An Unconscious Struggle To Be Seen?1/1/2023
Being seen is important but it doesn’t mean that everyone on this planet generally feels seen. When someone does feel seen, it will be a time when another person not only looks at them but also tunes into what is going on for them and displays empathy.
Therefore, they are not going to see them as an object; they are going to see them as a being that is having their own experience on this earth. Now, this could be something that this person is used to or it could be something that rarely takes place. One Experience If it is something that they are used to, it could mean that they have a number of people in their life who are mentally and emotionally together. Perhaps they have a number of close friends, are in a relationship and have a close bond with their family. Being seen by so many people will allow them to know that they exist and to feel supported and valued. They will feel connected to these people and won’t feel as though they are all alone. Another Experience If being seen is not something that they are used to, it could mean that they don’t have many people in their life. Then again, they could be surrounded by people but most of these people might not truly see them. Typically not being seen by others is likely to mean that they will have the tendency to feel invisible and as though they don’t exist, and not feel supported or valuable. They are likely to rarely feel connected to others and often feel alone. Two Sides If they are aware of what is going on, they could often wonder why their life is this way and if it will ever change. At other times, they could feel totally hopeless and helpless, with them falling into a deep hole. Their life may have been this way for as long as they can remember, so it is to be expected that they would be this way. They could believe that the only way their life will change is if what is going on ‘out there’ changes. One Step Back Before they were aware of what was going on, they would have probably just felt down and had no idea why. Now that they are aware of what is going on, though, they won’t be much better off. Yet, even though it may seem as though they have no control over what is going on, there is a strong chance that this is not to the case. On one level, what is going on won’t be serving them, but, on another level, it is likely to be serving them. Going Deeper As they are not used to being seen, it could show that their early years were also a time when they were rarely if ever seen by one or both of their parents. Throughout his time, they might have been seen as an object that was there to meet their needs. If it was one parent who was unable to acknowledge their existence, this might have been someone who lacked presence and couldn’t truly accept that they had their own needs and feelings. Feeling invisible, unsupported, worthless and unloved would then have been a normal part of their childhood. The Outcome This would have stopped them from receiving what they needed in order to grow and develop in the right way and they would have been greatly wounded in the process. To handle what was going on, both the pain and a number of their developmental needs would have ended up being automatically repressed to allow them to keep it together and function. It would have been too much for them to face the reality of the situation; that their parent was unable to love them. Due to this and as they were egocentric, they would have believed that there was something wrong with them and hoped that they would finally be loved if they behaved in the right way. An Endless Struggle This stage of their life will be over but they will have continued to try to receive the love that they missed out on all those years ago. Yet, as this will have been something that they were not consciously aware of, they will have believed that they had no control over what was going on. For them to no longer unconsciously co-create situations where they are not seen, they are likely to have a lot of pain to work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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