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What someone may find if they were to take a step back and reflect on their life, is that they often feel ignored and even invisible. This can be how they feel when they are with family friends and at work.
Instead of being a human being that can be seen and heard, then, it will often be as if they don’t exist. Naturally, experiencing life in this way is going to have a negative effect on their wellbeing. A Bleak Existence Merely thinking about what their life is like could cause them to be filled with a deep sense of frustration and anger. Along with this, they could feel deeply hopeless and helpless. A part of them can believe that someone or something ‘out there’ is stopping them from being seen and heard. Conversely, they may believe that other people have something that they themselves don’t have. One Area So, when they are at work, they could often be ignored by the people around them and talked over. They might have also been in the same position for many, many years after being passed over a number of promotions. Then again, they could have a fairly basic job and be used to being ignored by both the people they work with and the customers they deal with. But, as bleak as this will be, they might not believe that there is an alternative. Another Area When it comes to their relationships, they could have a number of friends who are very self-absorbed. As a result, when they spend time with them, it will typically be all about them. Yet, even when they are given the chance to talk, they might soon change the subject. If so, it will be as if they don’t feel comfortable being the point of focus and prefer to be in the background. One More If they are in a relationship, once again, they could be used to being ignored and not being seen and heard. This could show that their partner is very self-absorbed or they themselves could simply stay in the background. Their partner is then going to make most of the decisions, not be aware of how they feel or what their needs are and receive most of the attention. This is then going to be a relationship that is out of balance. Two Parts If they were to become aware of the fact that not only do they feel ignored and invisible but that they often prefer to stay in the background, they could wonder what is going on. What this will allow them to see is that it is not that they want to be seen and heard but are not, there is far more to it. Assuming that they were to realise this, they could wonder why part of them doesn’t feel comfortable with being seen and heard. At this point, it will be a good idea for them to look into why this is. Looking Deeper If they were to imagine that they live a life where they are no longer in the background and are seen and heard, so they express how they feel and their needs, they could feel anxious and fearful. This will show that they believe that something bad is going to happen and they need to protect themselves. Not being seen and heard in general, then, will be a way for them to stop something bad from taking place. As a big part of them believes that being seen and heard is a threat to their survival it is not a surprise that they experience life in this way. Why is this? What this may show is that their early years were a time when they felt like a target and it wasn’t safe for them to be themselves. The reason for this is that they may have had a least one parent who was very critical. If they made a mistake or did something wrong, they might have been put down and humiliated. And, even if they didn’t do something wrong or make a mistake, the same thing might have occurred. The Message What these experiences would have done is taught them that it wasn’t safe for them to be seen and heard. They would have soon learnt that the best way for them to avoid being hurt was to stay in the background. This would have involved them losing touch with their true self and creating a disconnected false self. Doing what this parent wanted and staying out of their firing line would have been their false self’s priority. Being Real What took place will be ‘in the past’ but as this stage of their life deeply wounded them, they won’t have been able to move on. They are likely to carry a lot of pain and a number of unmet developmental needs. Facing and working through this pain and experiencing their unmet development needs is likely to be a key part of what will allow them to feel comfortable being seen and heard. This will take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If some can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist to healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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