Being Seen: Can Someone Have The Need To Hide How They Feel If They Had A Critical Parent?

Although someone’s feelings are an important part of them, it doesn’t mean that they will typically express how they feel. Not only this, but they might rarely if ever be aware of how they feel.

If this is the case, it will show that they don’t have a strong connection with their feelings and are not consciously choosing to hide how they feel from others. This could be how they have been for a very long time.

An Act

When they are around a friend or a family member, then, they could generally come across as though they are fine. This is not to say that they will always appear to be full of energy, however.

If they were in tune with and were to express how they feel, a very different side of them is likely to be observed. Their friend or family member could end up being very surprised about what is going on for them.

At A Distance

As they often hide what is going on for them, it is also likely to mean they don’t feel strongly connected to anyone. What this comes down to is that they will need to be connected to and express how they feel to form deeper connections with others.

Of course, they can feel connected to others through having shared experiences and mutual values, but this won’t allow them to experience the same level of depth. Furthermore, not opening up about what is going on for them won’t allow them to truly feel seen and heard.

Hidden

But, as they don't have a strong connection with how they feel, they might not even be aware of their need to be seen and heard. Their need to hide how feel will be keeping these other needs at bay.

At one point or another, it might get harder for them to maintain his act. If this was to take place, they might begin to wonder why they don’t have a strong connection with how they feel and have the need to hide their feelings.

A Closer Look

If they were to imagine talking to a friend about how they feel and no longer putting on an act, they could feel anxious. From this, it will be clear that this is seen as something that is going to have a negative effect on them.

Taking this into account, they won’t expect another person to empathise with them and show them compassion. Naturally, if being authentic is seen as something that will cause them to be undermined, it is to be expected that they would have such a strong need to hide their feelings.

What’s going on?

If they have been this way for as long as they can remember, there is a chance that they didn’t grow up in a very loving and supportive environment. During their early years, they might have had at least one parent who was anything but warm and nurturing.

Consequently, they wouldn’t have needed to leave their house to come across someone who was cruel, as they would have lived with someone who was like this. Due to how critical and unkind this parent often was, they would have felt under threat.

A Wall

To protect themselves from the verbal arrows and spears that often came their way; they would have needed to have their guard up. Their home environment, then, somewhere where they should have been able to feel safe and relax was somewhere they had to protect themselves.

To minimise the harm that was done to them, it would have been essential for them to hide how they felt.  Quite simply, if they revealed how they felt, this would have increased their chances of being harmed in some way.

Another part

Not only this, but being in tune with how they felt would have been too painful, and this is why they had to lose touch with their feelings. If they were able to find another family, it would have been different.

Yet, as they were powerless and dependent, adapting to what was going on was their only option. How they behave as an adult is then going to be perfectly normal, given what they went through as a child.

The Outcome

Thanks to what they went through, they are likely to carry a number of limiting beliefs and a lot of pain. For them to move forward, it will be important for them to be courageous and patient and persistent.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk