It has been said that a big part of success is simply turning up, and this shows how important it is to take the first step. If the first step is not taken, it won’t be possible for someone to get the ball rolling, so to speak.
What typically stops someone from taking the first step is fear, and, once they have been able to take this step and to see that there is nothing to worry about, it will be a lot easier for them to keep going. The momentum will build and it can be as though they are rolling down a hill, whereas before it might have been as though were trying to roll up a hill.
And in the same way that taking the first step can be a challenge when it comes to achieving a specific goal, it can also be a challenge for someone to reach out for the support that they need. In this case, one is not going to take the first step; what they will do is suffer in silence.
One could be in a position where they have mental and emotional problems and/or they could have relational challenges. But, no matter what they are going through, they won’t do anything about it.
However, even though there is resistance on their part, there is the chance that other people will give them the encouragement that they need. A friend or a family member, for instance, might give them a helping hand.
They may tell them that it is essential for them to get the assistance that they need, and that they can just give up on themselves. This might give one the spark that they need to do something.
If this was to happen, it could be a sign that one is in a position where they have the right people in their like. These are not going to be people who don’t want to undermine them; they will be people who want them to live a good life.
Thanks to these people, it won’t be possible for one to simply suffer in silence. It is then going to be irrelevant as to whether they a related by blood or not, as they will have their back, so to speak.
At the same time, one could keep what they are going through to themselves. Therefore, when they are around others, they could create the impression that everything is fine.
Instead of letting the people in their life know what they are going through, so that they can assist them, they will put on an act. It is then not that they won’t have anyone in their life who can support them, it is that they won’t embrace this support.
Due to this, they may as well be in a position where they haven’t got any friends or family around them. There will be a bridge in front of them, with friends and even family on the other side, but they won’t walk over it.
One might not even be in this position, though, and they might not have anyone in their life who they are close to. Thus, regardless of what they are going through, there is not going to be anyone there to notice.
Whether one has people in their life who care about them or not, they should just reach out for the support that they need. There is a strong chance that they would reach out for food if they were hungry, so why aren’t they doing the same thing here?
What is perfectly clear is that one is not working with themselves; they are working against themselves. Although they are one person, it is going to be as if they have one person inside them who needs help and another person inside them that won’t do anything about it.
The Fear of Being Seen
Something within them is going to be stopping them from reaching out, and, unless this changes, their life will stay the same – that’s if it doesn’t get even worse. The big question is: what is it that is stopping them?
If one was able to get in touch with what is taking place within them, they may find that they believe they will be rejected and abandoned if open up and ask for assistance. What this can then show is that they believe that there is something inherently wrong with them, which is why they need to hide themselves.
What they believe will happen if they open up and reach out for support will have created a wall around them. This invisible wall will be no different to a physical wall, inasmuch as they won’t be able to get to others and others won’t be able to get to them.
One is then going to be a human being but, due to what is going on within them, it will be as if they are different in some way to other people. What they are going through will be tough, yet opening up and reaching out for support will be seen as being far worse.
Why Is This?
When someone has the need to hide their true-self in this way, and, has a fear of being seen, it is likely to be the result of what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect.
How they were treated at this time in their life would have been seen as a reflection of how flawed they were. When in reality, the only reason they were treated in way was because their caregiver/s were in pain.
As they were egocentric, dependent, and lacked the ability to think clearly at this time in their life, it would have stopped them from being able to realise this. Not only would these early experiences have caused them to suffer; they would have set them up to create certain beliefs that would make it harder for them to reach out for the assistance that they need as an adult.
Ultimately, there is nothing inherently wrong with them, and this is something they will understand if they get the right support and heal their wounds. There are likely to be plenty of people who are in the same position as they are, just as there are likely to be plenty of people who have moved beyond the challenges that they are currently experiencing.
The support that they are looking for can be provided by a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.