Blame: Why Do Some People Always Blame Others?

For change to take place and progress to be made, there needs to an element of responsibility. And this applies to all areas of one’s life; without it, something might stay as it is or simply get a lot worse.

But while this is evident, it doesn’t mean that someone will take responsibility for what happens to them. There are people who may take responsibility for some things and not others. And then there will be people who renounce all responsibility.

When something first happens it might be normal to feel that someone is to blame and as time passes, one can bring their focus back to themselves. And then start to look at what they can do to deal with what has happened or how to move on from what has happened.

Moving On

If one is in a place of blame, they might soon forget about it and move on with their life.  But, they could also hold onto this blame and this can depend on how much of an impact the experience has had on their life. It could be something that has caused so much pain that one holds onto it for many, many years and even their whole life.

There are often certain situations where blame appears the most and this is typically related how much control one feels they had over what took place and  how much control they have after it has taken place.

Common Examples

There is no doubting that blame that can occur around anything and everything. And yet there are some common experiences where blame arises. Some people blame their parents for what they are like and how there life has turned out. Other people blame their partners for not being allowed to do what they want and for losing their freedom for instance.

One could blame their ex partners for causing them so much pain and suffering. Another example is when someone blames the society that they are in for what they have or don’t have in life. It is also possible for one to blame the education system for not giving them the grades or career that they wanted. The health care system or ones doctor could also be blamed for how unhealthy one is.

Under The Blame

So while in some cases blame can be appropriate and beneficial, it is often a cover up for something deeper. To blame someone or something can cause a release and settle one’s mind for a short time. But under the blame can be a feeling of having no control and of being powerless.

For one to face this head on can be too painful and pointing the finger at an external source can stop one from having to face how they truly feel about what has happened.  However, all the time these feelings are there, the need to blame someone else will continue.

Regulation

So what blame allows one to do is to regulate how they are feeling. These feelings of being powerless are not going away though and this pain will only be dealt with momentarily. One could end up being trapped in a blame cycle and be unable to get out of it.

It is normal for the mind to seek pleasure and to avoid pain and this means one might not even be aware of why they are in a place of blame. To them, blame could be the only option available.

Role Models

And while there is the factor of one wanting to avoid how they a really feeling in regards to what has happened, there are also others factors in causing one to blame others and to not take responsibility. One of those factors in the kind of role models they have had throughout their life.

On factor is that the more powerless people become at a local level and at a global level, the more common blame will become. The other factor is that the more blame there is in the world, the more people will mimic this behaviour and see it as normal. So there are at least two causes at work here. And each one will perpetuate the other.

There are plenty of people who don’t take responsibility in the public eye and one can also have friends, family and colleagues who are the same. Their early upbringing could have included family members who blamed everyone else for their challenges and didn’t own them. And this could have been the result of them also feeling powerless.

Self Fulfilling Prophecy

If one does feel powerless and that they have no control, they could unconsciously attract situations into their life where they are taken advantage off and victimised. So without knowing it, they are creating a self fulfilling prophecy. This could relate to painful experiences that were not processed in their adult life and due to what happened to them as a child; when they felt powerless to do anything.

This then becomes a form of indirect revenge; with one repeating the same patterns over and over again. These situations give one the opportunity to express their repressed anger that occurred through feeling hopeless. And until one deals with the emotional pain that exists on the inside, they will continue to attract people and situations that cause them to see blame as being justified.

Awareness

There are clearly many different sides to blame and different approaches that one can take here. If one feels that taking responsibility for what is taking place would be too overwhelming and that blame is the only way they can cope, then it might be necessary to seek some kind of assistance.

This could be a therapist or a healer that allows one to release their trapped feelings and emotions. As one starts to let go off their feelings of being powerless and hopeless and therefore realises their personal power, the need to blame others will start to diminish. 

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Oliver J R Cooper 
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/