Boundaries: Are Other People To Blame If Someone Always Ends Up Being Walked Over?

If one is in a position where other people have the tendency to walk over them, it is going to be a challenge for them to be themselves. They are likely to spend a lot of time on edge, as this will make it easier them to predict what will happen next.
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Through being anxious, it will be a lot harder for other people to catch them off guard. Even so, this is not going to stop them from being walked over; it will simply mean that they won’t be as surprised when it does happen.

Harder to Handle

Therefore, this will be a way for them to minimize the pain that they will experience when someone takes advantage of them. If they were able to forget about all this and to relax, it is not going to be long until something happens.

What takes place will catch them off guard and it is then going to have a much bigger effect on them. So, in order for them to feel safer, it will be vital for them to make sure that they don’t allow themselves to settle down.

A Drain

When this takes place, one is going to spend a lot of time and energy worrying about what other people will do to them. This is naturally going to stop them from being able to use these important resources in a more productive manner.

But if one believes that there is nothing they can do about what is taking place, it is going to be normal for this to take place. Their so-called high needs will be neglected and in their place will be the need to survive.

One Area

When it comes to their personal relationships, they might be used to spending time with people who physically abuse them. Or, one could be surrounded by people who are not interested in their needs and feelings.

Their true-self is not going to be able to see the light of day, and they will be playing a role that these people want them to play. It could be said that these people are not interested in who they really are; they are only interested in meeting their own needs.

Different

One could believe that while these people can do what they want, they have to put up with how other people treat them. It can be as if one is nothing more than an extension of others and that they don’t have their own self.

Through being this way, the only way their life will change is if other people do, and this is likely to cause one to feel powerless. What does or doesn’t happen to them is not going to be in their hands.

Self-Image

This is likely to stop one from being able to feel good about themselves, and it could end having an effect on every area of their life. One is then not someone who has control over their life; they are someone who has to put up with what life throws at them.

Ultimately, one is going to be a victim and the people who walk over them are going to be the perpetrators. There is also the chance that one will come into contact with people who will agree with them.

The Same Experience

One could find that these people also experience life in the same way and that they are angry about how they are treated. They could say that they are good and that the people who cause them harm are bad.

Spending time with these people is not going to change one’s circumstances, but what it will do is validate what they are going through. This will give them a momentary relief and then they will soon be having the same experiences.

Absolute

It could then be said that this is going to be something that is black and white, with there being no reason to take a deeper look. If one was held accountable for how other people treat them, this would then be an example of ‘victim blaming’.

However, this is not about pointing the finger and causing one to feel bad, it is about looking into why one is experiencing life in this way. As even though they are walked over by different people, they are the ones who show up each time.

The Common Denominator

It is then going to be in their best interest to reflect on their own behaviour and to look into what is taking place within them. A more direct approach might be for them to imagine what it would be like for them to stand their ground.

If they were to do this, they may find that they end up experiencing a lot of fear and anxiety. What this can then show is that even though being walked over has a negative effect on their life it is what feels safe at a deeper level.

A Closer Look

There is the chance that their early years were a time when they were walked over by their caregiver/s. But as the years have passed, it would have caused them to disconnect from the reason why they are unable to stand their ground.

As a result of this, it is to be expected that they would have seen themselves as victim; instead of being able to see that how people treat them in their adult years is no different to how they were treated whilst they were growing up. The years have passed but what took place when they were younger is still defining their life.

Awareness

If one was abused during their early years, there is the chance that they are carrying trauma. In order for them to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist or a healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk