Boundaries: Can A Lack Of Boundaries Cause Someone To Build Walls Around Themselves?

If one had a garden in front of their house that they wanted to protect, it might be a good idea for them to put a fence up. This is not to say that the fence would need to go all the way along, as it would be important for them to have a gate put it too.

Through having a gate put in, it will not only allow them to get in and out; it will also allow other people to get in and out. The alternative would be for one to only have a fence put up, and this would give them a greater level of protection.

Point of Focus

One could be in a position where the only thing they can think about is protecting their garden, and this could then stop them from thinking about having a gate put in. Based on what other people have been doing to their land, it might not be possible for them to think clearly.

And even if someone else was to talk about how important is it for them to have a gate put in, it doesn’t mean that they would listen. They could ignore or dismiss what is said and their mind could cause them to focus on what they need to do to make sure nothing bad happens again.

Just a Fence

If one was to have a fence put in all the way around, they may believe that they have done the right thing. For one thing, it won’t be possible for anyone to intrude on their land, and this will stop them from having to suffer like they did before.

This could be an experience that lasts for a number of hours; it might even go on for a number of days. However, there is likely to be a point in time when one starts to suffer in another way.

Trapped

What this will come down to is that even though one has protected their garden, they have also ended up cutting themselves of from others. It is now no longer possible for them to see other people let alone connect with them.

So although they have got rid of one problem, they have end up creating another problem in the process. One can then carry on as they are, or they can have part of the fence removed so that they can connect with the world again.

The Sensible Option

If one was to keep things as they are, they will continue to suffer, and they may even end up losing their life. This is because they will be isolated from other people and they could soon run out of food.

Therefore, the best thing they can do is to open up their garden again through having a gate put in. But even though this will be the sensible thing for them to do, it doesn’t mean that they will do it.

An Example

It could be said that it is highly unlikely that one would end up fencing themselves into their own house. For one thing, they would realise what would happen and so they wouldn’t allow this to take place.

However, this doesn’t mean that one wouldn’t fence themselves off in other ways. One could be in a position where they keep other people at a distance, and they could do this without needing to have a fence around them.

Protection

Experiencing life in this way is likely to be what feels comfortable, and although other people may spend time with them, it will be a challenge for them to get close to them. Thus, even though one spends time with others, they may as well be by themselves.

As a result of this, it might not matter how much they suffer, as it is not going to be possible for them to let anyone in. Other people could see them as being guarded, and they might wonder why they are this way.

Out of Touch

Having said that, they could generally be out of touch with their need to connect with others, and this will then mean that it won’t be a problem. During these moments, they will be comfortable with how their life is.

But when they do have moments when they are aware of their need to connect with others, they could end up feeling angry and powerless. This could then be a sign that they are not aware of why they can’t connect with others and embrace life.

Two Experiences

If one experiences life in this way, it will be normal for them to feel as though they have no control over their life. And until they realise why they are experiencing life in this way, their outlook is unlikely to change.

On the other hand, if one is aware of the fact that they only feel comfortable when they keep people at a distance they might not feel powerless. This is because they will realise that it’s not about other people; it’s about what is going on for them

Opening Up

When one is able to open up, their life is going to be far more fulfilling, and this is why it can be hard for someone to understand why they would build walls around themselves. However, in order for one to open up, they will need to feel as though it is safe for them to do so.

And the reason they don’t feel safe enough to open up is likely to be because they are boundaryless. As they don’t feel as though they can protect themselves around others, they have no other choice than to keep other people at a distance.

The Reason

The reason one is boundaryless is likely to be due to what took place during their early years. During this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected, and one of their caregivers may have got too close to them.

This would have stopped them from being able to develop a strong sense of self and they would feel wide open at an energetic level. So although their behaviour is causing them to suffer as an adult; there was a time when it kept them alive.  
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Awareness

In order for one to develop boundaries, it will be important for them to have the right support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group. This can be a time where one will be dealing with trauma. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/