Boundaries: Can A Lack Of Boundaries Cause Someone To Care What Other People Think?

If one hadn’t learnt now to drive and they had to rely on someone else to drive them everywhere, their life is going to be a lot harder than it would be if they could drive. This is because they won’t be able to go out when they want; they will only be able to go out when the only person is willing to take them out.

There will then be moments when they are able to do what they want to do and moments when this is not the case. Having said that, if one had their own personal driver, they would be able to go out whenever they wanted to.
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Restricted

But while this would be the ideal, it is not going to be an option for them, and this means that they are likely to feel restricted. And although they could be grateful that someone is there to help them; they could still experience a lot of frustration.

It is not going to be possible for them to lead the kind of life they want, and this will stop them from being able to grow. As they won’t be able to go out when they want, it will stop them from being able to have certain experiences.

Experiences

On one hand, these could be experiences that they would have with their friends, and on the other hand, it can be what would take place at a social event or some kind of course. The kind of experiences they will miss out on will all depend on what their needs are.

However, even though one’s life can be limited through relying on someone else to drive them everywhere; it is not the only way it can be limited. Another way that one can be held back is when they look to other people for approval.

Approval

Before they do anything, they will need other people to give them the all clear, so to speak. Once they can see that other people support their decision, they might be able to take action.

In this case, they are not waiting for someone else to give them a lift someone else; but they are still waiting for them to give them a mental and emotional lift.  Without their support, one won’t be able to take action, or if they do, they could do what they think other people want them to do.

Focus

Their point of focus is going to be on other people, and this could then mean that they are out of touch with their own needs and feelings. What this will show is that one’s primary concern is what other people think.

If other people say good things about them, they could end up feeling good about themselves. But if this is not the case, their mental and emotional state could soon start to change.

Walking On Egg Shells

It will be necessary for them to monitor their own behaviour, as this will be the only way for them to make sure they don’t offend anyone. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they will be walking on egg shells.

They may believe that as long as they don’t offend anyone, they won’t have to suffer. Yet through doing this, it is not going to be possible for one to express their true-self; therefore, their whole life could be an expression of their false-self.

Feedback

This doesn’t mean that someone else will realise what is taking place, as they could see them as being easy going. It is then not that they are out of touch with themselves; it is that they are happy to be there for others.

At the same time, someone could say that they don’t stand up for themselves, and they may believe that they are too easy going. They may say that only way they will experience true fulfilment is if they stop caring about what other people think.

Balance

One way of looking at this would be to say that it is important to be open to feedback from others; but that doesn’t mean that one should let them define their life. One would also experiences problems if they were unable to listen to feedback from others.

It could be said that the ideal will be for one to be able to live their life whilst being able to listen to what other people have to say. This feedback can then play an important part in their growth and development.

Only Words

If one was to talk to someone about what is taking place for them, they may be told that they don’t need to worry about what other people think. For one thing, they are only words and one can’t be hurt by them.

Along with this, they could say that it is not as if they are being physically attacked, and what they say is only their opinion. One could then be told that they need to change what they believe and to think differently, for instance.

Wide Open

Still, even though they are only words, one could feel as though they go straight through them. As a result, one is not going to simply hear things; they will feel as though their very survival is at risk.

What this will show is that they are boundaryless, and this means that they are wide open at an energetic level. Thus, it is not so much about what is taking place in their mind as it is about what is taking place in their body.

A Deeper Look

When one feels exposed in life, it can be due to what took place during their early years. This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected, and they may have had a caregiver that got too close to them.

Through having these experiences, it wouldn’t have been possible for one to develop boundaries and to feel safe in their body. So whenever someone doesn’t show them approval, it will be interpreted as a threat to their existence.

Awareness

If this is something that one can relate to, it might be necessary for them to reach out for external assistance. This is something that can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
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During this time, one will be dealing with trauma and grieving unmet childhood needs. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/