While there are some people who get angry from time to time; there are others who are angry almost all the time. Yet this is not to say that there are only two categories, as there are going to be others who are rarely, if ever angry.
When one experiences life in this way, they could believe that there is no reason for them to get angry, and the people around them could see them as an inspiration. But even though someone who doesn’t get angry can be seen as more developed than someone is more or less always angry, it doesn’t mean that this is the case.
What this comes down to is that human beings have the ability to experience anger for a reason, and it could be said that the primary reason they can experience it is to protect themselves. So whenever one feels as though they are being taken advantage of or violated, it will be normal for them to experience anger.
Now, this is not to say that one needs to be controlled by their anger; what it means is that it is important for them to be connected to this part of themselves. Through having this connection, they will be able to pay attention to the information that is being provided.
If one is in touch with their anger and their boundaries are crossed, they would realise what has taken place. It would then be possible for them to take action, and this may mean that one has to step away and/or to speak up, for instance.
However, if one was not in touch with their anger, they might not even realise what has taken place. Thus, there would be no reason for them to do anything, and this could then mean that it will be normal for them to be walked over.
In the first example, one is in not going to be controlled by their anger; they will simply pay attention to the information that is being provided. Another way of looking at this would be to say that their anger is contained.
But in the second example, there is going to be no reason for them to contain anything, and this is because they are not going to experience anger. What they could find is that they experience fear instead, and this will cause them to retract within themselves.
Sense of Self
As a result of this, one will lose themselves and they will end up being controlled by someone else. And on the other hand, if one can contain their anger they are not going to lose themselves and they are not going to feel the need to control someone else.
They will be maintaining their own boundaries and they will have no interest in trying to take advantage of anyone else. On the other hand, if one is unable to control their anger, it could be normal for them to violate other people’s boundaries.
The Opposite Experience
This is not to say that they won’t experience fear like the person above; what it mean is that they won’t be in touch with this part of themselves. Through being overwhelmed by anger, it will cause them to feel empowered.
One can then have no idea where they begin and end and where other people begin and end. Through not being able to contain their anger, it will be challenge for them to think clearly.
But once their anger has subsided, they may start to think about why they behaved as they did, and this could mean that they experience regret. What could make it even harder for them to handle their behaviour is if it is something that takes place on a regular basis.
Having said that, there is also the chance that they won’t experienced regret, and this would show how caught up they are. One could believe that they don’t have any other choice and there will then be no reason for them to feel bad about their behaviour.
However, if one was aware of how destructive their behaviour is and they wanted to do something about it, they might end looking into how they can control their anger. And while they could read a few books, they could also have some kind of therapy or caching.
During this time, they may come to believe that the reason they get so angry is because of what is taking place in their head. Thus, in order for them to settle themselves down, it will be important for them to ‘think differently’.
After applying what they have learnt, they may find that they begin to settle down, and this will then allow them to carry on with their life. At the same time, one may find that this doesn’t have much of an effect on them, and this could be a sign that they need to focus on their body as opposed to their mind.
If they were to take the time to connect with their body, they may find that they feel expose, and through experiencing anger, it stops them from feeling so vulnerable around others. If this is the case, it going to mean that they haven’t developed boundaries.
On one level, boundaries allow one to say yes and no, as well as to know where they begin and end and where others begin and end, and on another level, they will allow them to feel safe in their body. Therefore, having boundaries allows one to feel safe at an energetic level.
So if one doesn’t have boundaries, it is going to be normal for them to feel extremely vulnerable around others, and through being angry, it stops them from having to face how they feel at a deeper level. Based on this, it is not going to be enough for them to simply change their thoughts.
When one is in a position where they haven’t developed boundaries, it can be due to what took place during their childhood years. During this time, they may have been abused in some way.
This is not to say that one would been physically abused, as they may have been around people who got too close to them. Either way, their boundaries wouldn’t have been respected and this would have stopped them from being able to develop them.
If one can relate to this, it will be important for them to reach out for the right support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group. This can be a time where they will be grieving unmet childhood needs and working through trauma.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.