If one was to go out for a meal with a friend, it is likely to show that they both have the need to do so. This will not only allow them to fulfil their need to eat something, it will also allow them to fulfil a number of other needs.
Therefore, although they are both individuals, their needs have brought them together. But even when they are together, it doesn’t necessarily mean that their needs will always be the same.
During this time, they could both have a number of different needs that they won’t be able to fulfil. Nevertheless, the needs that they are able to fulfil will more than make up for the needs that they are unable to.
Part of Life
One way of looking at this would be to say that this is something that can’t be avoided, and this is because human beings are not all the same. If everyone had the same needs, and they experienced each need at the same time, this wouldn’t be the case.
Yet as this is not how life is, one will have to overlook certain needs when they spend time with someone. Yet, once their time together has come to an end, one might be able to go about getting them met.
If one was to spend time with someone who they know from work, they might only talk about certain things. As a result of this, other parts of their life will need to be overlooked while they are in their company.
But as one will know what this person is like and what they will talk about, there will be no reason for them to be frustrated by this. In the same way that if one was to order a hot drink, they wouldn’t complain that it is hot.
There are then going to be other people who they spend time with, and one will be able to express the other parts of themselves around them. Each person they spend time with can then end up fulfilling different needs.
And even if one was in a relationship with someone, it is still not going to be possible for this person to fulfil all of their needs. There will be needs that they can meet and needs that they are unable to meet.
If one was in a relationship and they expected this person to meet all of their needs, they would set themselves up to suffer. This would cause their partner to experience a lot of pressure, and the relationship might not last for very long.
Or, if it does last, it might be an area of their life that takes a lot from them and doesn’t give them much back. So, this shows how important it is for someone to be in touch with their needs and to realise that they can’t all be met by one person.
Other Areas of Life
In addition to this, there will be the needs that one has when it comes to their career and their need to relax. When it comes to the former, they might do something that is completely different to what their friends do.
Thus, they would have had to listen to their own needs in order to get to where they are, and this is something they will have to continue to do. On the other hand, when it comes to the latter, they may like to relax in the same way that their friends do.
When one experiences life in this way, it is going to show that they are in touch with their needs, and they feel comfortable enough to pay attention to them. If one was in touch with their needs but they didn’t feel comfortable expressing them, it wouldn’t matter.
One is then going to see their needs as being normal and not as something that they need to hide. There is then going to be no reason for them to feel ashamed or as though it is not safe for them to reveal them.
If one doesn’t feel comfortable with their needs, it is not going to matter if they are in tune with them. They will be seen as being bad and one will need to do everything they can to hide them from others.
One could then come across as a people pleaser, and they could have the tendency to rescue others. Other people could even describe them as someone who is selfless, and it will then be as if one doesn’t have needs.
When one is in touch with their needs and they are able to fulfil them, it will also show that they have strong boundaries. And, this is not simply going to mean that they can stand their ground; what it means is that they will have an energetic boundary around them.
Now, this might sound a bit airy fairy and as something that has no basis in reality, but it is what will allow one’s true-self to be expressed. Without this invisible boundary in place (invisible to the five senses), one would end up being overwhelmed by other people.
Through being wide open and absorbing what is going on for other people, it would stop them from being able to tune into their own needs. In fact, they could have moments when they believe that other people’s needs are their own.
Through experiencing life in this way, their life will be a reflection of other people, and their true-self won’t see the light of day. If one does experience life in this way, it can be due to what took place during their early years.
At this time, they may have been brought up by someone who lacked boundaries themselves, and this would have meant they were unable to respect one’s boundaries. This could have been a time when one was abused and/or neglected.
If one can relate to this, they will probably need to work with a therapist or someone who will allow them to develop their energetic boundary for the first time.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.