If someone is given the opportunity to do something, it will be up to them to decide if they want to go along with it. This is not to say that they can’t talk to other people about it; what it means is that they are the only ones who know if it is right for them.
One could be in a position where they are ready to embrace the opportunity that is in front of them, and it is then not going to be necessary for them to think about it for a while or to get other peoples feedback. And after they have made their decision, they are likely to believe that they have done the right thing.
Through having this outlook, it could be said that they didn’t say yes because they had to; they said yes because they wanted to. This could mean that one generally behaves in this way, and it could then be said that they are able to stand their ground in life.
As one is able to say yes, there is also the chance that they are also able to say no, and this is going to mean that they have the right balance. For one thing, it is often said that being able to say no is more important than being able to say yes.
When one says yes, it can mean that they are going along with what someone else wants; whereas when they say no, it can mean that they are not going along with what someone else wants. In the first instance, one can end up receiving approval and in the second instance; they can end up losing out on approval.
Therefore, one can be under a lot more pressure when they say ‘no’ than when they say ‘yes’, and this is why it can be a lot harder for them to say ‘no’. In general, the easiest thing for one to do can be to say yes.
This is why it is important for one to be in a position where they don’t have a strong need for approval. If one does have a strong need for approval and they want to change how they experience life, they could talk to someone who is able to say no.
During this time, they may tell them that nothing bad will happen if they do, and that if they value themselves, it will be the obvious thing for them to do. And through being able to say no, they may tell them that this will allow them to say yes.
More Than a Word
This is not to say that they can’t say ‘yes’ already; what it comes down to is that it will mean something when they say it. On the other hand, if they were only able to say ‘yes’, it would be meaningless.
Thus, when people hear the word ‘yes’, they will know that they are not just saying it. However, if they hadn’t heard them say ‘no’; it might not be possible for them to have this outlook.
Ultimately, when one has the ability to use both words, it will allow them to pay attention to their own needs. And through being able to pay attention to them, it will give them the chance to fulfil them.
Through having this ability, their life is going to be far more fulfilling than it would be if this wasn’t the case. Now, this is not to say that everyone will approve of their behaviour, but this is part of life.
The people who will support them are likely to be the ones they are close to, and this is because they are likely to have the same outlook. One will expect their friends to be honest and their friends will expect them to be honest.
At the same time, this doesn’t mean that it will be this way with their family members. If this is the case, it could be due to the fact that their family expects them to say yes all the time.
But regardless of this, they are not going to be prepared to lose themselves in order to please their family, or a certain family member. What this shows is that no matter what they do, they will lose something.
And through valuing themselves, it is going to be possible for them to make sure that they don’t have a tendency to ignore their own needs. If they stood up for themselves in the past, they may have been overwhelmed with guilt.
If one does have a strong need for approval and they speak to someone who tells them it is ok for them to stand their ground, they may find that their life soon changes. Or if this doesn’t take place and they were to read up how they need to be more assertive, for instance, they could also experience a similar outcome.
During this time, they are primarily going to be focused on what is taking place in their mind and on their behaviour. However, while this approach may work for some people, it is not going to work for everyone.
One could find that they only feel safe when they do what other people want (or what they think they want), and this is likely to be a sign that they don’t feel safe. Pleasing other people is then going to be a way for them to protect themselves.
If they were to get in touch with their body, they may find that they feel exposed, and this is then likely to mean that they are boundaryless. What this shows is that they haven’t been able to develop an energetic boundary, and it is then going to be normal for them to feel wide open.
When one is boundaryless, it is likely to be a sign that their developmental needs were not met during their younger years. During this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected, as well as been around someone who got too close to them.
After having these kinds of experiences, it is to be expected that one would find it hard to express themselves. Their main priority will be to do everything they can to stop themselves from being harmed again.
If this is something that one can relate to, it will be important for them to be supported by a therapist and/or a support group. This can be a time where one will be grieving unmet childhood needs and working through trauma.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.