For some people, experiencing intimacy will be a normal part of life, and it is then not going to be something that they will need to worry about. If this wasn’t the case and they were unable to experience intimacy, it could be something that ends up consuming their whole life.
Their need to experience a deeper connection with others is not being met, and this is likely to have an effect on every other area of their life. What this shows is how strong this need is, and how it is not something that can be overlooked.
Another way of looking at this is to say that human beings are interdependent; they don’t just want others, they need others. On one level, someone can share their mind; on another level, they can share their body, and on another level, they can share their heart.
If the only thing someone shared with others was their mind, they are unlikely to feel connected to their fellow human beings. The same could also be said if they had moments where they also shared their body.
The Defining Factor
What will make the difference is when they share their heart with others; when this happens, they will be talking about their feelings. Therefore, their mind will also be used, but they won’t need to be using their body.
So while one can use their body when they are being intimate, it is not something that always needs to occur. If one could only be intimate through using their body, it wouldn’t be possible for them to be intimate with friends and family, for instance.
Through being able to experience intimacy with more than one person, it will make their life easier. If they only looked towards one person, it would put a lot of pressure on them, and if the relationship was to come to an end, it would cause a lot of problems.
However, when one has a number of people in their life that they can open up to, there will be less pressure on the person they are with. If the relationship was to come to an end, they would still have other people to share their feelings with.
When intimacy is seen as something that can only take place in an intimate relationship, it is going to be lot harder for them to be single. During the moments where they are with someone, they might end up expecting too much from them.
This is not to say that it is possible for someone to experience the same kind of connection with a friend or a family member as they would in an intimate relationship, as it is going to be different. What it comes down to is that someone can be intimate with more than one person.
If someone does experience intimacy, it could be how their life has been for many years. As a result, they might not know what it is like to experience life differently.
There can then be others who used to experience life differently and through putting in the work, they were able to change their experience of life. Based on how their life is, it could now be seen as normal, but based on their life as a whole; it is a relatively new experience.
Through living without intimacy, they will know how much of a difference it makes to experience it. Before this, they may have felt disconnected from others, and that other people had something they didn’t have.
This may have caused them to feel like a victim from time to time, or they may even have had a victim mentality. Yet no matter how they were, they were not prepared to tolerate what was taking place.
However, even if someone is unable to experience intimacy, it doesn’t mean they have never been close to another person. There may have been moments in their life where this has happened, but it might not have lasted for very long.
This could mean that they have a pattern of attracting people who are not available. Another person could then be in their life and just as they start to experience a connection, they could soon disappear.
The Other Side
Along with this, they may have had moments where people were available but they didn’t find them attractive. They could then come to believe that the only way for them to experience intimacy will be for them to be with someone they don’t want to be with.
There is also the chance that they have ended up feeling overwhelmed when someone has been in their life. This could then be a sign that they only feel comfortable when other people are kept at a certain distance.
What this is likely to show is that even though they want to get close to others, it is something that doesn’t feel right. Experiencing intimacy can then be seen as something that will cause them to lose themselves.
The need to survive is stronger than the need to experience intimacy, and this is why someone won’t be able to experience intimacy unless they feel that it is safe for them to do so. But unless they realise why they are unable to experience intimacy, they can end up feeling as though they have no control over this part of their life.
What this is likely to show is that they haven’t developed boundaries, and this is why they don’t feel comfortable getting close to others. Their body is going to feel exposed during these moments, and it will then be normal for them to do everything they can to keep their distance.
When someone is aware of why they do what they do, it will be easier for them to be compassionate towards themselves. Yet all the time they are not aware of why their life is the way it is, it can be normal for them to criticise themselves and others.
During their early years, their personal space may have been violated by their caregivers. Through being physically abused and/or having a caregiver that got too close, for instance, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to develop boundaries.
Due to what happened during these early years, they are likely to be carrying an emotional build-up, as well as trauma. While it will be important for them to process this emotional build-up, it might not be enough, and this is because their body could still experience life in the same way.
In order for their body to settle down, they will need to deal with the trauma. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.