If someone is in a position where they find it hard to stand their ground and to pay attention to their needs and feelings, they could come to believe that they need to become more assertive. As a result of this, they could end up taking part in some kind of assertiveness training.
The Next Step
Through taking this approach, one may find that it is only a matter of time before their life changes. What could be classed as a ‘behavioural approach’, will have been exactly what was required.
Then again, this might not have much of an effect on their behaviour; it could still be a challenge for them to assert themselves. Alternatively, one might not even feel comfortable enough to take part in something like this.
When someone has boundary problems, it is going to be essential for them to do something about it. This is then no different to how it would be vital for someone to do something if they had a physical problem.
But while this is the case, someone might not even reach out for support, let alone take part in some kind assertiveness training. What this is likely to come down to is that experiencing life in this way can be what is normal.
If one as to look back on their life, they might find it hard to remember a time when their life was different. Experiencing life in this way is likely to cause them to feel angry and frustrated from, but that might as far as it goes.
Yet, although they might think about what happens when they are around others and get annoyed about it, this is not going to have much of an effect on what takes place when they are around others. When they are around others, they could soon lose touch with their needs and feelings and to what other people want.
Now, this could mean that one often ends up doing things that they don’t really want to do, or it could be far worse. They could be in a relationship with someone who abuses them and/or they could have friends who are the same.
Therefore, when they are around someone who is like this, it is not going to be possible for them to be themselves. Instead of being aware of what is going on within them and aware of what is going one externally, their focus will be on what is going on externally.
Out of Balance
This will show that one is in their mind as opposed to in their body, which is why they will be hyper vigilant. One will be on the lookout for danger, and this is going to stop them from being able to relax and to experience inner peace.
Focusing completely on what is taking place externally will be a way for them to try to stop something bad from happening. One could then be used to experiencing a lot of stress, but they could be so used to being this way that they don’t even realise they are stressed.
There is then a strong chance that their life is not going to be very fulfilling. They could have a job that is not in alignment with their true needs, or they might not allow themselves to progress.
One is unlikely to feel as though they have much of an effect on their environment, and this could mean that they will be used to feeling powerless and helpless. Yet, if one is used to living in their head and doesn’t have a good connection with their body, this is to be expected.
It might be hard for some people to understand how a human being could be out of touch with their body; after all, it is part of them. But while this might sound odd to some, one will know what this is all about.
Staying in their body when they are around others is going to be a challenge, with this being the reason why they will lose touch with their feelings and needs. Their main priority will be to survive, and pleasing others will be a way for them to do this.
The trouble is that in order to please others, they will need to neglect themselves in the process. One is then not working with themselves, they are working against themselves, and this is not natural.
It is unlikely that one was born this way though - that is unless their time in the womb wasn’t very pleasant, for instance. What this can show is that there was a time in their life when they experienced trauma.
In The Beginning
This could relate to what has happened in their adult life and/or it could go back to what happened to them when they were growing up. If it does relate to their early years, it could mean that they were abused and/or neglected.
Their system would have been overwhelmed by these experiences, which would have pushed them out of their body. Staying in their body wouldn’t have felt safe; they would have had to disconnect from it.
Until this trauma is dealt with, it is going to be a challenge for them to stay in their body and to assert themselves. The assistance of a therapist or a healer is likely to be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.