Boundaries: Can Someone Lack Boundaries If They Were Treated Like An Object During Their Early Years?
As someone is a separate individual, with their own needs and feelings, it is not going to be possible for them to always say yes and to do what another person wants or suggests. If they were merely an extension of others, this wouldn’t be the case.
However, while they will need to say no at times and not go along with something, it doesn’t mean that they will feel comfortable asserting themselves. In fact, it might not even occur to them that they can assert themselves.
As a result of this, if someone asks them if they would like to do something, they could typically go along with what has been put forward. Also, if another person violates their boundaries, they might not say anything.
What this is likely to show is that when they are around others, their focus is on other people’s needs. They are then going to do what they can to please others, whilst ignoring themselves.
The Fall Out
After they have gone along with something that they didn’t really want to go along with, they could end up feeling very low. Still, if they are not consciously aware of what is going on, they won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak.
They could end up focusing on something else in order to avoid what is going on for them. And this is something that could take place so quickly that they don’t have time to truly acknowledge how they feel.
A Strange Scenario
On one hand, they won’t know that they can assert themselves or when they are being walked over, and, on the other, they won’t be aware of the impact that this is having on their wellbeing. This shows that something is not right as they should know that they can assert themselves and be aware of when their boundaries are being crossed and be connected to how they feel.
As things stand, they are going to be like a sitting duck. The sooner they become aware of what is going on, the sooner they will be able to start standing their ground and protecting themselves.
At one point or another, something could take place that will shake them up and cause them to question why their life is the way that it is. At this stage, they could wonder why they don’t realise when they are being walked over or realise that they have the right to assert themselves and are not aware of how they feel afterwards.
From this, it will be clear that they don’t have a strong connection with themselves. If they did, they would know when their boundaries are being crossed and they would be aware of their feelings and needs.
As for them not knowing that they have the right to assert themselves, this is likely to be a sign that they have been told at one stage of their life, both directly and indirectly, that they were nothing more than an object that had no rights. Most likely, they were brought up by one or two parents who treated them like a possession, not a valuable human being.
Being treated in this way would have also played a big part in why they don’t have a strong connection with their needs and feelings or know when they are being walked over. For them to have a strong connection with themselves and to know when their boundaries are being crossed, they will need to inhabit their body.
A Brutal Time
Being seen as an object throughout this stage of their life as opposed to a valuable human being would have greatly wounded them. They would have often felt hopeless and helpless.
And, as they were powerless and totally dependent at this stage of their life, there wasn’t anything that they could do about what was going on. Their only option was to repress how they felt and disconnect from a number of their needs, which would have caused them gradually to lose touch with their body and live on the surface of themselves.
Along with this, they might have often isolated themselves in order to experience a sense of safety. Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life but, a big part of them won’t have moved on.
This part of them will continue to perceive life in the same way and they will have stayed in a disconnected state. For their life to change, they will need to gradually reconnect to themselves and reclaim their right to assert themselves.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.