Boundaries: Can Someone Let Other People Walk Over Them When They Hate Themselves?

There are a number of things that will make it easier for one to live a fulfilling life, and having boundaries is one them. It will then be possible for one to be able to stand up for themselves and to be around the right people.

Protection

One is then not just going to be able to spend time around the right people; they will be able to keep the wrong people out of their life. Therefore, when one can stand their ground, it will allow them to take care of a number of different needs.

There will be no reason for them to spend time around people who will put their life under threat. And through being able to keep these people at bay, one will be able to spend time with people who will have a positive effect on their wellbeing.

True-Self

Not only this, there will be no need for one to always wear a mask; they will be able to express who they are. Through having boundaries, one will feel safe enough to be themselves.

One will feel safe in their own body, and this is what will enable them to pay attention to their own needs and feelings. They will be physically separate from others and they will have their own life.

Another Part

When one experiences life in this way, it is also likely to show that they value themselves.  Their needs and feelings are going to be important, and this is then another reason why they are able to listen to what is taking place within them.

And through having an empowering self-image, they would end up feeling uncomfortable if they were to spend time with people who treat them badly. There would be no need for them to tolerate this kind of behaviour.

Positive Feedback

The feedback that the people in their life give them will validate how they see themselves. What one believes about themselves is then being mirrored back to them by the people who they are close to.

This might be how one’s life has been for as long as they can remember, or there may have been a time when it was different. During this time, one may have had people around them who treated them badly.

A New Beginning

They may then have been a point in their life when they said that enough was enough, and this would have caused them to gradually change their behaviour. This is not to say that they did it all by themselves, but they would have taken the first step.

Part of them would have been uncomfortable with what was taking place, and this part would then have pushed them forward. The parts of them that were not on board with this part would have gradually changed.

Many Different Parts

What this comes down to is that even though it might sound accurate to say that a healthy human being only has one voice within them, this is not the case. If anything, a healthy human being is someone who is able to acknowledge each part of their inner world and each of these parts will work together.

This doesn’t mean that each part can’t be changed, as it might be necessary to heal certain parts. Yet, When these parts are fighting each other and one is not aware of what is going on, it can cause them to suffer.

The Observer

In order for one to realise that there are different aspects within them, they will need to be able to observe what is taking place. If one gets caught up with what is going on within them, they won’t be able to change their life.

If one was in a position where they were unable to stand their ground and to pay attention to their needs and feelings, it is likely to show they were able to detach from the part or the parts that felt comfortable with being treated badly. On the other hand, if one is still experiencing life in this way, it is likely to show that they haven’t been able to do so.

Inner Conflict

Consequently, one is not going to have the ability to step back from what is taking place and to observe their inner world. What is taking place within them will be defining their life and they will be nothing more than a slave.

Still, if one was able to take a step back and to observe what is taking place, they may find that part of them feels as though they deserve to be treated badly. If they were to stay with this process, they could find that they hate themselves.

A Parasite

Perhaps this part has been there for most of their life, and it will then be normal for one to have identified with it. How this part feels and the words that are produced by it will then be seen as being the truth.

If one was to get in touch with what took place when they younger, they may find that this was when they first started to experience life in this way. It is then not that they are worthless; it is that the people around them treated them in this way.

Introjection

Through being abused and/or neglected, one would have come to believe that they are inherently worthless. It would have been better if they didn’t take it personally, but this would have been a way for them to survive.

If, on the other hand, they were to see that their caregiver was the one with the problem, it would have been too much for them to handle. This would have caused them to feel completely powerless; whereas through believing that they were the one with the problem, it would have caused them to believe that they could do something about it.

Awareness

But as one wasn’t the reason why their caregiver was abusive in the first place, there wouldn’t have been anything that they could do to change their behaviour. Regardless of how they were treated, it doesn’t have anything to do with them.
​
Nevertheless, if one is carrying trauma and has negative beliefs, it is going to stop them from being able to embrace their inherent value. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.

---

​​​​​If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk