There are many challenges in the world today and some these are big and some of them are small. And a lack of boundaries can create all kinds of relationship problems. This is also something that can be seen on a global scale; with certain countries going into other countries.
This often takes place without permission or the need to do so, and when this does happen, one country is violating the boundaries of another. So this is not just something individuals have to face and deal with, whole countries are also having to the same problem.
And when boundaries are not in place, there will either be walls or there will be nothing at all. Here, one will be wide open and feel that they have no way of protecting themselves.
Some countries have walls and as a result of this, they can have all kinds of weapons, laws and methods to stop people from entering.
Of they will be wide open and this means that they are completely vulnerable. There is then no way for them to decide who comes in or who leaves. Another option is when a country swings between each one; so at times they will have walls and appear very strict and at others they will have nothing.
And the idea of the country could be that anything goes and there are no rules. Without a country having a balance between saying yes and saying no, it can only create an imbalance. Trying to please everyone never works.
So to bring our attention back to the individual and away from what is taking place globally, it is obvious that a lack of boundaries is going to create similar challenges. The ideal will be to have strong and healthy boundaries; this means that walls are not necessary and the feeling of being completely wide open is rarely experienced.
This will allow one to have deeper connections with others, experience intimacy and to embrace the world to a degree that feels right. And when it doesn’t feel right, they can retract and create a healthy distance. But this will be a choice and not something that is imposed upon them or done out of fear.
When one doesn’t have strong boundaries, there is going to be the need to build walls or they will feel vulnerable around others and conclude that they have no control over what others do or don’t do.
One can also compromise others peoples boundaries as way to protect themselves. With them having the conscious or unconscious outlook of ’attack or being attacked’. To have a life of no boundaries is not going to be too pleasant. Inherently, one doesn’t feel safe and this leads to: putting up walls, letting other people get too close or causing others to feel compromised.
This relates to ones very survival and without boundaries, one could end up losing their life. But in most cases, it won’t be this extreme; it could just cause them to lead a life that is abusive and empty.
And the body is where one feels safe or unsafe and so it is here that one will feel compromised or vulnerable. The mind may create thoughts or have beliefs about what is or is not taking place.
However, it is ones feelings and emotions that will be the biggest factors in if one feels safe or not. These will typically define if one stands up for themselves, retracts or steps into another person’s space.
And while these feelings and emotions could appear through what is taking place; if this has become a way of life for someone, then it there could be something else at work. In this instance, one would have a pattern and this wouldn’t be something that happens on the odd occasion.
Besides, if it happened now and then one would probably know how to handle it, but if it something that happens all the time, then they probably wouldn’t. And this is made clear through them not utilising their boundaries.
These ways of behaving would be how life is for them. Walls are then something they have become familiar with or feeling wide open is the only thing they know, and so too could violating others peoples space.
So beyond these habitual ways of behaving could be trapped emotions and feelings. And these will be in the body, so it doesn’t matter what the mind thinks or doesn’t think, the body will be in control.
How one behaves will then just happen and go on out of their awareness. These trapped feelings and emotions could go right back to when one was a baby and a child. And although time has passed, they have remained in one’s body and are then controlling how one responds to life.
If one tuned into these feelings they might end up feeling: smothered, overwhelmed, fearful, engulfed, anxious, powerless, hopeless, violated, vulnerable, ashamed, guilty, angry and that they are going to die, amongst other things.
And if one was violated in these ways during their younger years, it is highly unlikely that they would have felt safe enough to embrace how they felt. These feelings would have had to have been kept in and as a result of this, they become stuck.
So while times have changed, the feelings are still in ones body and this then cause’s one to act in ways that done serve them. Attracting people and being attracted to people who trigger these feelings and emotions will be a natural consequence of ones emotional past still being in their body.
Once these are released from one’s body, one will be able to be present and no longer recreate their past experiences of being violated and compromised. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer who will allow one to get in touch with them and gradually release them.
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Oliver J R Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.