Boundaries: Do Some People Only Say Yes To Please Others?

If one was asked if they would like to do something by a friend or a family member, for instance, they could give them their answer more or less straight away. But if this doesn’t take place, it could mean that one will need to think about it first.

How they behave is going to depend on a number of different factors. Naturally, there are going to be moments in their life when they can give someone an answer instantly, and moments when it will be necessary for them to take their time.

Now or Never

Along with this, there are likely to be times when they will have to make up their mind instantly. During these moments, it could relate something that is going to happen straight away.
Therefore, if they can’t make up their mind, they will miss out on an opportunity to do something. However, if one didn’t have the ability to take a step back and to think about things when this isn’t the case, it would also cause them problems.

Two Options

One could end up going along with something that doesn’t interest them, or they could miss out on something that does. So, through being able to do both of these things, it will make life a lot easier.

This doesn’t mean that one will always make the right decisions, but this is simply part of life. Ultimately, one is not perfect, and this is why it is not going to be possible for them to always make the right decision.
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In Tune

As one can behave in this way, what it is likely to show is that they are in touch with their needs and feelings. And it is through having a connection with themselves that they can do what is best for them.

What this will also show is that they feel safe enough to listen to what is taking place within them. If this wasn’t the case, what is taking place with them is unlikely to have much of an effect on their life.

Just Information

One would then have moments when they are aware of their needs and feelings, but that would be as far as it goes. Or, if they do listen to what is taking place within them, it will be the exception as opposed to the rule.

What this shows is how important it is for one to feel safe enough to listen to what is taking place within them. When one does feel safe enough to do this, there will be no reason for them to have the tendency to please other people.

Real

If one says yes, it is typically going to be because they mean it, and this means that they will also be able to say no. In fact, if it wasn’t possible for them to say no, it could be said that it wouldn’t be possible for them to say yes.

But when one can say no to others, it will show that they feel conformable enough to stand their ground. And as they can do this, it will show that they can say yes and actually mean it.

The Ideal

Other people might get sense that they are not someone who is going to be mucked around. But even if they don’t feel this way around them, they would find out what they are like if they tried to walk over them.

Therefore, if someone tried to abuse them in some way, they wouldn’t feel comfortable with what is taking place. Yet, while this is going to be the ideal, it doesn’t mean that this is something that everyone can relate to.

One Option

One could be in a position where they have the tendency to say yes to other people. If someone else was to hear about this, they could believe that this is a good thing; with this being seen as something that will allow them to embrace life.

But while this can be seen as the best way to experience life, it is going to cause them to suffer. There will, of course, be the opportunities that they are able to accept, but there will also be moments when other people walk over them.

False-Self

Instead of one being able to listen to their own needs and feelings, they will be focused on other people’s needs and feelings. Their main priority is not going to be to please themselves; it will be to please other people.

Other people could describe them as being easy going and enjoy being around them, but this is going to be nothing more than an act. There will be the emotional pain they experience through neglecting their own needs and feelings, and there can be the pain they experience through being treated badly by others.

A Closer Look

This could be how one has experienced life for as long as they can remember, and they might not even be in touch with their real needs and feelings. One is then behaving as though they are simply an extension of other people.

But as one is an individual with their own feelings and needs, it can be hard to understand why they would behave in this way. What this is likely to show is that their childhood was a time when it wasn’t possible for them to develop a sense of self.  

Awareness

This may have been a time when they had to fulfil their caregiver/s needs, and this would have been a matter of survival. Focusing on other people’s needs would then have been what felt safe, and this would have stopped them from being able to develop a strong connection with themselves.

If one can relate to this and they want to change their circumstances, they may need to work with a therapist. This will give them the chance to get in touch with their true self, and to feel comfortable enough to allow this part of them to define their life.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk