When one can stand their ground, it is going to stop them from having the need to please others. One will have the ability to say yes when they want to do something and no when they don’t. But even though both of these words have a part to play in their life, it doesn’t mean that they both have the same value.
The reason for this is that if one is unable to say no, they are not going to be able to say yes either. Now, this is not to say that they won’t be able to use this word; what it means is that it won’t mean anything.
This word will come out of their mouth regardless of whether they actually want to do something. As a result of this, it is going to stop them from being able to pay attention to their own needs.
However, when one can use both of these words, it is going to allow them to pay attention to their own needs. The people around them are likely to realise that when they say yes, they don’t just say it to please them.
What will also play a part here is that there will have been moments when these people will have heard them say no. When this happens, it might cause them to feel annoyed or even upset.
Part of Life
Yet, even if this is how they feel when one doesn’t want to do something, it doesn’t mean that they would want them to change. It could be clear to these people that one is an individual, and that they have to do what is right for them.
And if one was to agree to do something when they didn’t want to do it, it could have a negative effect on the people in their life. This could be seen as what happens when someone has empathy; they are not going to want another person to suffer in any way.
There is a strong chance that one will be just as understanding to the people in their life. Fulfilling their own needs will be essential, but that doesn’t mean that they will be prepared to walk over others in order to do so.
Through being able to say no, it will also show that one has good boundaries. This will give them a strong sense of where they begin and end, and where other people begin and end.
Just One Part
When one has boundaries it will enable them to feel safe in their body, and this is then going to allow them to express their true-self. It can be as if one has an energetic boundary around them that keeps them safe.
What this illustrates it that having boundaries is not just about being able to be assertive, there is far more to it. If anything, this is something that just happens when someone feels safe in their body.
With this in mind, it is going to be a challenge for one to live a fulfilling life when they are unable to say no. It is not going to matter whether they want to do something or not; their priority will be to fulfil other people’s needs.
This may mean that they have tendency to do things that don’t have much of an effect on them. Therefore, even though they didn’t want to say yes, they will soon be back on their feet, so to speak.
There could be other times when one says yes to things that end up having a big effect on them. Perhaps one has been in a number of abusive relationships, or they could spend money that they don’t have.
Or, if they don’t end up in abusive relationships, they could end up sharing their body with the wrong people. Either way, this is going to make it hard for them to feel good about themselves.
Due to how one experiences life, it could cause them to believe that they have no control over what is taking place. The people who they come into contact with are then going to be able to do whatever they want.
If one was to take a step back and to look into what happens when someone asks them to do something, they might see that they say yes without even thinking about it. Shortly after this has taken place, one could wonder why they said yes; it could be as if this is something that they can’t do anything about.
A Deeper Look
What one may find, if they were to think about standing their ground and saying no, is that they end up feeling anxious. This is then not going to be something that causes them to feel uncomfortable.
If they were to look into why they feel this way, they may come to see that they have a fear of being rejected. Doing what other people want (and what they think they want), is then a way for them to control how they feel.
One way of looking at this would be to say that there is no reason for them to feel this way, and that they need to change what they believe. Another way of looking at this would be to say that there is a reason why they are experiencing life in this way, and it will be vital for them to look into why this is.
If they were to look into what took place when they were younger, they may see that their caregiver’s didn’t treat them very well. During this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected.
The trauma that they experienced when they were younger will still be in their body and, until this is dealt with, they will continue to behave in the same way. One will have a fear of being rejected and they will carry the pain of being rejected.
In order for one to change their life, they might need to work with a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.