Boundaries: How Can People React When Someone Starts To Say 'No'?

While it is relatively easy to say ‘yes’, the same can’t be said when it comes to saying ‘no’. In fact, there are going to be plenty of people who are unable to say ‘no’, and it could then be said that it doesn’t mean much when they say ‘yes’.

What this emphasises is how important it is for one to be able to say both words. As if they are unable to do so, it is likely to show that they find it hard to stand their ground.

A Common Perspective

At the same time, one of these words is often seen in a positive light and the other is often seen in a negative light. For example, one can prefer other people to say ‘yes’ as this will allow them to fulfil their needs.

Along with this, if one was to say ‘no’, it could cause them to receive a negative reaction from someone.  Thus, due to situations such as these, it can create the impression that one word is better than the other.

Approval

If one is in a position where they need a lot of approval from others people, it could be normal for them to go along with what other people want. This is then going to mean that they will have the tendency to ignore their own needs.

Even so, the people that they surround themselves with could believe that they are doing the right thing. And as they are doing what other people want, it could be said that this is to be expected.

A Different Experience

But if one was to expect these people to always say ’yes’ to them, there is a strong chance that they would have a radically different experience. They would probably start to get angry, and they would start to wonder why they are ignoring their own needs.

Based on this, if the people that they are surrounded with are only too happy for them to constantly ignore their own needs, it could be said that they don’t care about them. They are seen as someone who is there to fulfil their needs, and that’s as far as it goes.

Overlooked

However, if one has the tendency to say ‘yes’, other people could come to the conclusion that it’s because they want to. There is then going to be no reason for them to believe that they are taking advantage of them.

If someone was to describe them, they could say that one likes to go with the flow, or that they are always happy to lend a hand, for instance. It might then be accurate to say that one is going to be quiet popular.

Another Experience

Having said that, this might not be the case, and one could be used to being around people who are only too happy to take advantage of them. One is then not going to simply help people when they want to, or to agree to do things that they don’t want to do; they could end up being harmed in some way.

Perhaps one could be in a relationship with someone who physically abuses them, or they could agree to do things that go against their best interests. But regardless of whether one feels frustrated in life or completely violated, it is going to be a challenge for them to appreciate the life that they have been given.
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A Closer Look

Yet even though saying ‘yes’ is often seen as being better than saying ‘no’ in today’s world, it doesn’t mean that one’s society has the biggest effect on whether or not they are able to stand their ground. In order for one to understand why they find it hard to do this, it might be better for them to look at what took place during their childhood years.

As if one finds it hard to speak their truth as an adult, it is likely to be a sign that they were unable to do this as a child. During the beginning of their life, this could have been a time when their boundaries were not respected.

Association

Through having these experiences, one would have learnt that it wasn’t safe for them to stand their ground. If they were to do this, it could have caused them to experience even more harm.

Therefore, even though time has passed and one is no longer a powerless child, they are still experiencing life in the same way. Once one starts to see why they are experience life in this way and they want to move forward, it will give them the chance to experience life differently.

A New Start

One could start to develop boundaries by working with a therapist and/or a support group, for instance. Now, this is unlikely to be something that will take place overnight, but it will be worth it in the long run.

Once one feels safe enough to say ‘no’, their existing relationships are likely to change, and they could start to attract new people into their life. Yet as one will be expressing their true-self for the first time in their life, this is to be expected.

Resistance

While some of one’s relationships could improve, there could be others that begin to disintegrate. This is because one will no longer be willing to do what they did before, and this can mean that other people will feel rejected.

These people could then talk about how they feel, or they could avoid how they feel and become antagonistic. So instead of being able to recognise that one has made a positive change in their life, they will see it as something negative.

Point Of Focus

It will then be important for one to think about how far they have come and to cut their ties with people who are unable to embrace who they have become. Through doing this, they will create the space to attract people who can support them. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk