It doesn’t matter whether one is a man or woman, as they can both be walked over by the same or the opposite sex. And while this could relate to someone being physically walked over, in the majority of cases, it is not that extreme.
But that is not to say that the damage is therefore less severe. It might take a while for the damage to appear, but it can be just as bad in the long run and even in the short term, depending on what happens.
What it refers to is one having their boundaries crossed by another person. And these can cover the following areas of one’s nature: intellectual, physical, emotional and spiritual. But let’s not create the impression that one is a complete victim here and has no choice as to whether other people compromise their boundaries.
In order for this to happen, one needs to give the other person permission. Now, this could be given unconsciously and happen out of one’s conscious awareness. However, if one has this happen from time to time, it is unlikely to cause too many problems.
As human beings we are not perfect and neither are we meant to be, so there is inevitably going to be moments where one slips up and doesn’t to what they need to do. What will create difficulties is when this has become a way of life for someone.
A Way Of Life
And in this case, when a man has a pattern of letting women walk all over them, it is going to be a big problem. One could have become accustomed to it and even dismiss it, but it is not going to allow one to have healthy or functional relationships with the opposite sex.
Other people could wonder why they are putting up with this kind of behaviour and yet the man may have come to the conclusion that this is how life is. They may have experienced some women who are not, but as it is so common, the ones who are not end up being filtered out.
There is going to be resistance and a sense of frustration on some level. And although this could be covered up and hidden from time to time or as way of life, it won’t go away. If this pain is covered up or released through different kinds of escapes for example; one could end up putting up with it for the foreseeable future.
But if they embrace this pain and use it in a constructive manner, then change can occur and one can move beyond this challenge. Awareness will be the key, as will finding the right information and support.
So for one to have a woman walk all over them is not going to be too pleasant. And while this could relate to one area of their life, it could affect them in all areas. The urge could be there to overlook what women are doing or to react to it and become violent, and yet this won’t deal with the problem.
This could be something that causes them problems in their: intimate relationships, with family members, friends or colleagues for instance. When they are around them, their whole sense of self could erode and they then end up going along with whatever the woman wants.
It then won’t matter if they agree with what is going on or if it is causing them to compromise themselves. They don’t stand up for themselves and they don’t hold their ground. Their behaviour makes them look as though they are walking doormats.
The women in this person’s life will be used to getting what they want regardless of if the man wants the same thing. So this may give them a sense of power and control, but they are unlikely to respect the man.
An in order for the man to put up with this kind of behaviour, it is clear they don’t respect themselves. What truly matters to them is pleasing a woman, all the while displeasing themselves. This means that the man is engaging in self harm and this is a sign of inner conflict.
At a conscious level, a man is unlikely to feel comfortable with being walked over. However, at deeper level, it is what will feel comfortable and safe. The mind is going to create a story as to why this is happening. And this could cause one to create an identity of being a victim and having no control.
But the real answers are in one’s body and not in their mind. So at one point in their life, they would have been in an environment where being walked over was normal and this then became associated as what is safe by their ego mind.
And this could have been an environment that one was in as an adult, but it generally relates to their childhood environment. So how one was treated by their mother will often define what they put up with from women in later life.
This can also include what their sister was like, if they had one and other females that were around at the time. The men that were around at the time will also play a big part. If they were walked over, then this can be taken as an example of how to behave around women.
The Mother Figure
During these years, their mother is likely to have had boundaries challenges herself. And this then caused her to be unaware of how her son was responding. The love that she gave could have been conditional and therefore they had to do what they were told to avoid being abandoned and harmed in some way. At such a young age, being abandoned feels like death.
It was not possible for them to be themselves and to be loved for who they were; it was based on certain requirements being met. So they learnt from an early age that they could only survive by pleasing others. And being walked over could have been something that they had to experience for many, many years.
These early experiences or ones that were similar would have created certain beliefs and thoughts. But before these were formed, there would have been an emotional experience. And if ones mother was unaware of that fact that she was training her son to be walked over in life, she was probably completely oblivions to what feelings they were having.
So these would have had to have been pushed out of one’s awareness. And when it comes to a man standing up to women as an adult, these feelings will be triggered and stop them from being able to hold their ground. The feelings will cause the man to project the past onto the present and to perceive women as being in control of how they feel.
In reality, all they are doing is making these repressed feelings come to the surface. While a man may not be a baby or a child any more, they can still feel like one and therefore behave like one. So these feelings and emotions that have been trapped in their body every since, will need to be released.
When this happens, one will start to feel that it is safe to stand their ground. This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer who will allow one to face them and gradually release them.
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.