Boundaries: Why Do Some People Always Blame Others For How They Feel?

On one side of the spectrum there is total responsibility and, on the other, there is total irresponsibility. And while it might sound as though the ideal will be for one to be on the left side of it, it is not going to be this black and white.

Pros and Cons

This is then no different to their being a time to do and a time to be; this is going to be far better for their wellbeing. Yet, as taking action is often seen as being better than just being, it can be hard for someone to realise this.

When it comes to this dynamic, taking responsibility is often seen as being good and not taking it is often seen as being bad. But it is possible for someone to be in a position where they take on too much.
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Weighed Down

In this case, one is not going to run away from what takes place in their life; they are going to face up to it all. It is then not going to matter whether they need to do this or not, as they will act as though it is up to them to put something right.

Through behaving in this way, they could feel as though they have the weight of the world on their shoulders. Naturally, this is going to take away a lot of their energy and it will end up having a negative effect on others.

Enabling

One could believe that they are having a positive effect on others through behaving in this way, but this is not always going to be the case. Instead of focusing on what is their responsibility and letting others deal with what is theirs, they will be taking on what doesn’t belong to them.

This is then going to stop others from dealing with the challenges that arise in their life, and one is then doing more harm than good. Nevertheless, if they don’t take the time to step back, it is going to stop them from realising this.

The Cause

On the surface it can seem as though one is a selfless human being, but this is going to be nothing more than an illusion. For one thing, what is clear is that they have the need to control others.

Taking on what doesn’t belong to them is then an indirect way for them to influence another person’s life. At a deeper level, this may show that they have a fear of being abandoned, amongst other things.

The Benefit

Thereby, through having people in their life who don’t take responsibility, they are less likely to be left. One is then going to do everything they can to make sure that these people continue to behave in the same way.

One will be acting like a parent and the people around them will be acting like their dependent children. This is going to stop these people from growing and one will stay at their current level of emotional development.

The Other Side

What is clear to see is that when one doesn’t take responsibility, their life is not going to be very fulfilling. When something doesn’t go to plan, it will be normal for them to blame someone else.

Therefore, no matter what happens to them, they are not going to be able to face up to what has taken place. So instead of looking into what part they have part in what has taken place, they will end up pointing the finger at someone else.

A Different Experience

Or, if this is not what takes place, there could be certain areas of their life where they are happy to take responsibility. When it comes to their career, they might see that they are playing a part in what take place.

However, one could have a completely different outlook when it comes to their relationships. This could be an area of their life where they see themselves as an observer of what does or doesn’t occur.

Another Area

Alternatively, the one area of their life that they don’t take responsibility for could be how they feel in any given moment. As far as they are concerned, what takes place within them could be seen as something that is out of their control.

One could then be around others or they could be reading something online and what arises within them will be attributed to what has been said. This can then cause them to blame someone or something for how they feel.

A Trigger

It is then going to be irrelevant as to whether this is actually the case as they won’t be able to take a step back and to reflect on what is taking place within them. If they were to do this, they may find that something has been triggered within them.

What has been said won’t have caused them to feel as they do; it will just have brought to the surface what was already inside them. But if they are unable to detach from how they feel, they won’t be able to see this.

Stepping Back

When one doesn’t take responsibility for how they feel, it is likely to show that they lack self-awareness. In addition to this, it can also illustrate that they are unable to regulate their own emotions, and this is then going to stop them from being able to operate as a whole human being.

So just like the person who doesn’t take responsibility for anything, one is likely to feel powerless and as though they have no control. What took place when they were younger may have played a part in this.

Awareness

This may have been a time when they were abused and/or neglected, and one would have been completely powerless during this time. One is then going to look like an adult but they can feel like a traumatised child.

If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it might be a good idea for them to work with a therapist or a healer. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk