Boundaries: Why Do Some People Believe That They Always Have To Say 'Yes'?

There are some people who say ‘yes’ from time to time, and then there are others who more or less always say it. One way of looking at this would be to say that the people who fall into the second group are going to be in a better position.  

This is because they can be seen as people who embrace life, and this is then going to make their life more enjoyable. However, when this doesnt take place, they can be seen as people who sit on the sidelines, so to speak.

One Option

Based on this outlook, if one wants to get the most out of their time on this earth, it will be important for them to say ‘yes’ as much as they can. Yet if they don’t want to make the most out of the life they have been given, it won’t matter if they say ‘yes’.

If one wants to get an idea of what it means to say ‘yes’ to others, they could imagine being asked by one their friends to go out. Through agreeing to go out, they are likely to have a good time.

Another Area

Alternatively, one could see themselves at work, and this could be a time when their manager is asking them if they would like to take part in some kind of training, for instance. This could be something that would allow them to go to the next level, or it might create a good impression.

Clearly, it would be a good idea for them to say ‘yes’ if this was to happen; if they were to say ‘no’, it could take them longer to move forward. In fact, they might not get the opportunity again, and one would then be sabotaging their life.

Relationships

Along with this, if one is attracted to someone and they were ask them if they would like to go out some time, it would be in their best interests to say ‘yes’. Through saying this word, it would give them the chance to get to know the other person better.

This could then allow them to have a fulfilling relationship with them, or they might just have a good time together. But if they were to say ‘no’, they wouldn’t get the chance to find out what they are like.

The List Goes On

There are many other ways in which one’s life can be enhanced through saying ‘yes’, and after seeing these examples, it might be hard to see why anyone would want to experience life differently. It would be easy to come to the conclusion that people are missing out if they don’t say ‘yes’.

Even so, this doesn’t mean that it is always appropriate for one to say ‘yes’, and the reason for is that this would also cause one to experience problems. At times it will be a good idea for one to go along with something, and at other times it won’t be.

Point Of Focus

When someone says that it is better to say ‘yes’ in life, it could be a sign that they are only thinking about the times when it has had a positive effect on their life. As a result of this, it could cause them to overlook the moments when it was necessary for them to say ‘no’.

Therefore, by only focusing on certain experiences, they end up coming across as though they are out of balance. Thus, if one was to spend a few days with them, they might soon realise that this is someone who is able to use both words.

Another Experience

Having said that, they could also be in a position where they are unable to say ‘no’, and this will show that they are out of balance. It is then going to be important for them to do what other people want and to overlook their own needs.

It the outsider, they could come across as though they are only too happy to please others, but at a deeper level, this is going to be far from the truth. Yet as this is what allows them to receive approval, they are unlikely to behave differently.

Conflict

On the other hand, one could be only too aware of how destructive their behaviour is, and this means that they will realise that their behaviour doesn’t match up with who they are. One will then have the need to say ‘no’, but it won’t be possible for them to say it.
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When one says ‘yes’ it could be something that just seems to happen, and it could then be seen as something that they have no control over. It is then similar to how one can open a door without having to think about what they are doing.

Consequences

While being able to say ‘yes’ may enable them to have good experiences and to move forward in life, there is a strong chance that this won’t make up for the other things that they go through. For one thing, it could be normal for them to be walked over, and they could even be used to being abused by others.

They could believe that other people define how they live their life, and it this could then mean that they spend a lot of life feeling hopeless. Under the mask that they wear, they could carry a lot of anger, and there could be times when they explode.

It’s Safe

If one was to reflect on why the experience life this way, they could come to see that this is what feels comfortable. So although they want to experience life differently, it can be seen as something that would threaten their very survival.

One thing that one could then do is to go against the pressure that is within them and force themselves to say ‘no’. Another thing they could do is to look back on their life and to see if there was a time when it wasn’t safe for them to say ‘no’.

Childhood

If they were to do this, they may find that it relates to what took place during their early years. This could have been a time when they experienced some kind for abuse and/or they may have been neglected.

Awareness

If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. This can be a time when one will be dealing with what is taking place in their mind and their body. 

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk