If one doesn’t want to do something, they may find that they are able to stand their ground, and this could be what takes place on most occasions. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they have good boundaries.
And as one is not an extension of other people, there is going to be no reason for them to simply go along with what they want. If they were to do this, it would cause them to overlook their own needs and feelings.
So, through being able to say ‘no’ when they don’t want to do something, it will allow them to pay attention to what is taking place within them. Therefore, one is not going to be in a position where they are used to being compromised by others.
Along with this, there is a strong chance that one will generally be able to say ‘yes’ at the right moments. But the only reason they will be able to do this is because they can say ‘no’ when they need to.
Having the ability to draw the line is then what allows them to really mean it when they say yes. If they only had the ability to say yes, it would be clear that this doesn’t actually mean anything.
This would show that they are more concerned with pleasing others than they are with pleasing themselves. When one can use both words, it will show that they don’t have the need to please others.
And through being this way, it is going to stop them from wasting a lot of time and energy. If one is asked if they would like to do something, they will be able to take the time to think it through (that’s if they need to).
When someone tries to take advantage of them, they will be able to stand up for themselves. Yet, even someone else is unable to take no for an answer, one will have the strength to walk away.
At a deeper level, this is also likely to show that one values themselves, and this is why they don’t feel comfortable being taken advantage of. And what will give them the strength to behave in this way will be the connection they have with their aggression.
A Whole Human Being
This doesn’t mean that one will come across as aggressive; what it means is that they will have embraced this side of their nature. After all, it exists to ensure their survival, and it could be said that it will enable them to thrive.
Through having this connection, there will be no need for them to come across as aggressive. Nevertheless if they were to come across in this way, it could be a sign that it is necessary for them to be this way.
If one was to think about how long their life has been this way for, they may find that this is how it has been for as long as they can remember. What this could show is that their boundaries were respect when they were younger.
This would have set them up develop a good connection with what is taking place within them, and to feel comfortable enough to stand their ground. Through experiencing life in this way, it is going to be a lot easier for them to have a fulfilling existence.
When one finds it hard to stand their ground and to say no at the right time, it is naturally going to make their life harder than it needs to be. Not only will they waste a lot of time and energy, but they could also be used to being walked over.
If they don’t do what someone else wants, it might cause them to experience inner conflict. On one side, they will have the need to stand their ground, but on the other side, this could cause them to feel guilty.
Point of Focus
Putting their needs first is not going to be something that feels comfortable; it will be something that feels uncomfortable. One way of looking at this would be to say that one feels responsible for how other people feel.
The most important thing will be for them to make sure that they don’t upset other people, and this is going to cause them to neglect themselves. One is not going to see themselves as an individual; they will see themselves as an extension of others.
As one has their own life to lead and they are not responsible for others, it can be hard to understand why they would feel bad for putting their own needs first. However, if they were to take the time to think about what happened when they were younger, it might soon make sense.
This may have been a time when they had to take care of their caregivers needs, and this would have caused them to feel ashamed of their own needs. As a result of this, what would have felt comfortable was being there for others.
What took place is then in the past, but what happened all those years ago is still defining their life. One is going to need to question what they believe, and they might be carrying emotional baggage that needs to be dealt with.
This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. And when they feel comfortable with their needs, they will no longer need to ignore them.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.