Boundaries: Why Do Some People Walk All Over Others?

While some people are used to having people walk all over them, there are other people who are used to walking all over others. The former is going to live a life of being violated and compromised, and the latter is going to live a life of violating and compromising others.

Now, not everyone is going to have the same boundaries and so one can end up walking over another person without realising it. In this case, it is likely to be something that they do on the odd occasion and not something that is a way of life for them.

And then there will be other people who walk over others on a regular basis. This is not to say that they consciously know what they are doing though, as this could be happening unconsciously. Here, one has no awareness of another person’s personal space and if they do, they are not willing to respect it.

Personal Reality

When it comes to the people who are walked over, they are going to be used to being around people who don’t respect their personal reality. To others, it won’t matter what their needs or wants are, all that will matter is what their needs and wants are.

However, when it comes to someone who is used to walking over others, all that matters to them is what their needs and wants are. What the other person wants or needs is irrelevant and is the last thing on their mind.

Out Of Touch

The only reality they are aware of is their own; they are not aware of the fact that other people have their own reality. Or if they are aware of this fact, they are not willing to accept it.

If they were aware of the fact that other people have their own reality, it would be a lot harder for them to violate another human being. If it is not on their mind and/or if they have completely removed it from their awareness, it is going to be a lot easier for them to do what they do.

Empathy

And this brings our attention to what is often missing in people who always walk over others - empathy. This is not going to be black or white though, as this person may still have empathy at certain times. It will all depend on what side of the spectrum someone is on; as they could move from having no empathy in certain situations to showing it in others.

But when this relates to someone who has no empathy whosoever, it will mean that other people will be seen as objects and not as their fellow human beings. If one can’t feel, it is going to be easy for them to view other people as being nothing more than a means to an end.

Objects

When one has empathy, it is going to be difficult for them to manipulate or use another human being. If they were to do this, they would be able to feel how the other person would feel if they were to do something harmful.

But without empathy, they won’t be able to feel how another person would feel and so it is going to be easier for them to harm another in some way.

Examples

This could involve someone who is always telling their partner what they can or can’t do. And if they were to go against this person, violence or some kind of manipulation would be used to make them do what they wanted.

Another example would be of a leader of a country who decides to attack another country for no apparent reason. It won’t matter if they have no right to do so or that a lot of damage will be done.

Two Sides

Although this person can be used to walking over others, it can also mean that other people walk all over them. It can all depend on how safe one feels as to whether one plays the role of the victim or the perpetrator.

It is then two sides of the same coin. And when one walks over others, they are going to feel in control, and when one is being walked over by others, they are going to feel that they have no control. But the same feeling of having no control is there in both cases.

Walking Over Others

Waking over others is then a way for one to avoid feeling powerless and to make sure that other people don’t walk all over them. So at a deeper level, there is the chance that they fear that other people are going to violate them in some way.

And by walking over others, one is able to get their needs and wants met; whereas, if they were the ones being walked over, this wouldn’t happen.

The Cause

The reason one feels this way could be due to what has happened in their childhood years. Here, one could have been brought up by caregivers who had no boundaries themselves, and so, one was used to being compromised and violated by the people around them.

This would also have meant that their needs and wants would have been ignored. And depending on one’s temperament, would have come to the conclusion that they could only survive by being walked over or by walking over others.

Walking over others would then have been what felt safe and a way for them to get their needs and wants met. If they unconsciously choose the other option, then letting people walk over them would have been what felt safe and a way for them to get their needs and wants met.

Awareness

So in order for someone to no longer walk over others, they will need to let go off the fear that other people will walk over them. And to realise that it is possible for other people to meet their needs and wants through choice and not through force.

The emotional experience of the past could have remained trapped in ones body. This means that one will need to get in touch with these trapped emotions and gradually release them. One can be assisted in this process by a therapist or a healer.

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Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/