Bullying: Do Some People's Childhoods Set Them Up To Be Bullied?

There are many forms of bullying around today and some of these are more overt than others. At times, this is done in a way that is so subtle, that it can take place without anyone even noticing.

And while bullying has taken place for many, many years, and is nothing new, the internet has created new ways for it to occur. No longer do they need to be face to face with someone, they can do it from a safe distance and even anonymously.

It also doesn’t matter how old someone is, what colour their skin is or where they are from either, as it can happen to anyone.   

Support

So it is vital that when someone is being bullied, that they don’t put up with it and that they reach out for support. Because if someone has just started being bullied or has been in this position for quite some time, they might come to the conclusion that they deserve it.

It could be taken personally and as a sign of one’s true value. However, what it does reveal is the mental and emotional state of the person that is doing the bullying. And how they are the ones who need to engage in some kind of self reflection and to look into what they are projecting onto other people.

Self Reflection

What is clear is that when someone does bully another, they are unaware of how their own projections are defining how they see another. And that what the other person is or is not doing is more or less irrelevant.  

All the other people are doing is triggering something within them and through a lack of awareness around what this is; they act out and inflict the pain or the conflict that they are experiencing onto others.

So if their level of self awareness increased, it is likely that their need to bully others would also subside; simply because they are taking responsibility for their own issues, instead of projecting them onto others.

Belief

Now, just because someone doesn’t deserve to be treated badly by others, it doesn’t mean that they believe this. And this could be something one is consciously aware of or something that is just below the surface for example.

When one does have this outlook about themselves on the inside, it will be known externally through how they behave and the energetic resonance they give off. But while these two things could reflect that one doesn’t value themselves, it doesn’t mean that they are aware of it.

Attraction

Although it can appear as though bullies chose people at random and that anyone will do, there is usually a lot more to it than that. This doesn’t mean that they consciously select people, as it can happen unconsciously and without them needing to think about who they can take advantage of.

There is going to be certain types of behaviour that they look for in others; if they don’t behave in these ways, then they might not even bother. So even though there are going to be wide range of behaviours, there are going to be ones that continually appear.

Boundaries

And what can be common for people who are bullied is the inability to stand up for themselves. So having boundaries and therefore being able to say no, could be something they struggle with.

Letting people walk all over them and to do as other people say could be what feels safe. And this causes them to be submissive and passive: the perfect combination for a bully. It will be like honey to a bee.

This is not to say that this is what always happens; as it is also possible for people who are able to stand up for themselves to be gradually worn down.

Causes

In order for someone to find it difficult to stand their ground and to have strong and healthy boundaries, no matter what their age, there has to be a reason for it. It could be that they have had experiences in their adult life that have worn them down.

But what is more likely is that the kind of childhood that they had set them up to be a target. This doesn’t have to be a childhood that was overly abusive though; it could be due to something that was a lot less severe, but left a mark nevertheless.

Examples

One may have been brought up by caregivers that didn’t allow them to say no or to realise that they had their own personal space. And how this personal space is sacred and needs to be protected. So letting other people onto their space is then normal and it then doesn’t feel safe for them to do anything about it.

A more extreme example would relate to someone who was physically abused by their caregiver/s. Their personal space would have been completely violated and it would not have been possible for them to protect themselves.

Vulnerable

And what these kinds of experiences would have done is make one vulnerable to being treated badly by others. From a young age, they were conditioned to put up with this kind of behaviour. This is then what became normal and familiar and familiar is what is classed as safe to the ego mind.

Awareness

So if one finds that they continually end up in situations where they are being taken advantage off, then it might be necessary for them to look at their history. The past can’t be changed, but what happened in the past would have created certain beliefs and caused one to experience certain feelings.

It is possible that how one felt would have ended up being trapped in their body. So these beliefs will need to be changed and the trapped feelings will need to be released. Ones behaviour will then change and the energetic resonance they give off will also change.

This can be done with the assistance of a therapist, healer or a coach. Or one could engage in some kind of self reflection and make the changes themselves. The type of help that one needs can all depend on how much of a challenge this is.

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Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/