If someone is in a position where they feel powerless, they could end up coming to the conclusion that it’s because of what is taking place in their life. For example, they might have lost their job, been through a breakup, or have a friend that lacks boundaries and is controlling.

Therefore, if it wasn’t for what is taking place, there would be no reason for them to feel this way. Naturally, as what has taken place will have had a big impact on them, it will seem to be the cause.

A Pattern

Along with what is currently going on for them, they may see that this is not the first time that they have felt this way. After looking back on their life, they could see that they have felt this way on numerous other occasions.

They may see that when they went through a previous breakup or lost their job, for instance, they felt just as powerless. Due to how often they have felt this way, they could believe that they are powerless.

One Level

Most likely, they are not going to want to feel this way and will want to have a felt sense of personal power. What this will do is allow them to experience a setback without them falling into a deep hole.

As this is the case, it will seem as though what takes place externally has complete control over how they feel. Subsequently, there will be moments when they are totally helpless and unable to do anything.

Another level

However, although this may appear to be the truth, what if there is far more to this? What if they don’t just randomly end up having experiences where they feel powerless and are playing a part in what takes place?

At this point, they could say that this is not the case as they don’t want to experience life in this way. Obviously, they are not going to want to experience life in this way but what they will need to think about is that they have both a conscious and an unconscious mind.

Two Parts

This other, hidden part of them is having an impact on what they do and don’t experience. Yet, without this understanding, it will be perfectly normal for them to typically see themselves as passive observers of their reality.

Taking this into account, if they continually have experiences where they feel powerless, there is a strong chance that this is how they feel at a deeper level. Unless this changes, then, they will continue to unconsciously co-create situations where they feel powerless.

Confusion

If they can accept this, they might wonder why they wouldn’t be aware of how they already feel and why they would feel this way. When it comes to the former, their brain will have kept this feeling, along with others, out of their conscious awareness to protect them.

What this will have done is allowed them to keep it together and function. It would then have stopped them from being aware of a part of themselves to help them, not to harm them.

Back In Time

This may show that there was a time in their life when they were undermined in both major and minor ways. Perhaps their early years were anything but nurturing and this was a time when they were deprived of the love that they needed.

If so, as they were powerless and totally dependent at this stage of their life, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. This was then a time when they didn’t simply believe that they were powerless; they were powerless.

One Option

As they were unable to change what was going on or to find another home, how they felt would have automatically been repressed by their brain. This wouldn’t have changed what was going on but this would have stopped them from being overwhelmed with pain.

The pain that was removed from their conscious awareness would then have been laid down in their body. Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life but they will still carry most if not all of this pain.

Repeating The past

One reason why they would end up unconsciously re-creating scenarios where they feel powerless is that they are still looking for the love that they missed out on as a child. In addition to carrying pain, they will also carry unmet developmental needs.

The trouble is that as they will unconsciously create scenarios where their needs are not being met, such as when they lose their job or experience a breakup, they won’t feel loved. But, even if this didn’t take place, it will be too late for them to receive the love that they missed out on during their formative years.
​
Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk

When it comes to how someone views another person, it can be as though it is simply the result of who they are. Therefore, one is not adding anything to them; they are just aware of what this person is like.
​
This is no different to how if one was to describe what a car in front of them looked like, they would just be describing it. What they wouldn’t be doing is adding anything to the car that isn’t part of the car.

Day-to-day Life

With this understanding, if one was to spend time with someone and came to believe that this person had anger problems, it could be said that this must be the case. After all, they will have observed this in them.

Conversely, and after spending time with someone, they could say that this person believes that they are better than others. Once again, one will have just seen this behaviour in another.

A Pattern

One could find that they rarely, if ever, come into contact with people that possess these traits, or it could be something that often takes place. If it rarely takes place, it could show that they are simply observing these traits in others.

However, if this is something that takes place on a regular basis, it could show that there is more to what is going on than meets the eye. What it could show is that one is not simply observing these traits, along with numerous others, in people; they are attaching them to them.

Going Deeper, Much Deeper

This is a defence mechanism that is known as projection in psychology, and it is when one places parts of themselves into another person. It is more common for this to be seen as what happens when someone projects parts of themselves onto another person.

Nonetheless, this is incorrect (as Joseph Burgo pointed out) as when this takes place, one will make out that another person has a certain trait. It is then going to be an internal part of them, not something that is an external part of them.

Oblivious

Ultimately, this defence mechanism will be utilised so that one doesn’t have to face parts of themselves. So, if they have the tendency to believe that other people have anger problems, it is likely to illustrate that they are the ones with anger problems.

In order for them to realise this, though, they will need to take a step back and to reflect on their own behaviour. By doing this, it will give them the chance to take their attention away from what they think is going on externally and to look into what is really going on internally.
 
Resistance

If they were to do this, what might start to become clear is that they don’t feel comfortable with their own anger. What this might demonstrate is that they believe that there is something wrong with it.

If this wasn’t so, and they had a healthy relationship with their anger, there would be no reason for them to place it in others. With this in mind, the way for them to change how they experience the world will be for them to change what is taking place inside them.

A Number of Wounds

Along with seeing their anger in a negative light, they could also find that their anger is just the tip of the iceberg. Below this feeling could be a number of others feelings, feelings that are hard for them to face.

They could find that they feel powerless, helpless and hopeless, and they could carry a fair amount of toxic shame. These feelings could show that at one stage of their life, they may have been violated.

A Sign

The anger that they feel is then not going to be the main issue; it will just be a consequence of something that was traumatic. But, both the anger and the feelings that go with it will have been too painful for them to face, which is why they ended up being projected into others.

One way of looking at this defence mechanism, along with every other, is that it is there to assist them. It is not there so that they can believe that everyone else is the problem and they themselves are fine.

In The Dark

The trouble is that the only way that it will assist them, is if they have an understanding of what is going on. If the education system went into what defence mechanisms are and what their purpose is, for instance, this would almost certainly be in place.

Yet, as this doesn’t happen, it is going to be perfectly normal for them to have absolutely no idea about what they are and what their purpose is. The outcome of this is that one can end up victimising others and themselves.

Awareness

When one has both an understanding of what is going on and a willingness to face their own wounds, they will be able to transform their life and to stop feeding into the dramas of the world. To do this, they might need to reach out for external support.

This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. 

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.
• Consultations.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk  ​

When someone experiences emotional pain, and this pain is too strong for them to handle, their mind can end up using a defence to keep it at bay. In this sense, a defence is very much like a water dam, inasmuch as it is there to stop something from flooding in.

After a little while, it will be necessary for them to realise what has taken place and to face this pain. This will allow them to reconnect with their feelings and to operate as a whole human being again.
​
Too Much

When a defence is only used for a little while, it might not have much of a negative impact on their life. However, when this is not the case and it ends up being their modus operandi, it can end up causing them a lot of problems.

The trouble is that when a defence is used, one might not even think about what effect this will have on their life. The only thing that could be on their mind is to gain control over how they feel.

An Analogy

It is then a bit like how someone who hasn’t eaten for a few days can just eat anything, not thinking about the effect that the food will have on them as time goes by. This person could have all kinds of different food intolerances, but this won’t cross their mind.

In the short-term, they will enjoy what they are eating, yet in the long-term, they might end up suffering. And in the same way that certain foods will have a bigger effect on them than others, so will certain defences.

The Defence In Question

Let’s say that someone has just experienced a break up and they are in a lot of pain, what they can end up doing is seeing their ex as being all bad. This person is then not going to posses both good and bad traits, they will just be a bad person

Doing this will strip their ex of their humanity, no longer seeing them as a multifaceted human being. By seeing their ex in this way, it will be way for them to keep their inner pain at bay.

Divided

The reason one can’t see this person as a whole human being is because of what is taking place in their mind. The splitting defence mechanism that is being used will have caused them mind to be split, too.

Therefore, instead of them being able to hold all sides of the other person in their mind, they will only hold one part of them there. Their mind will no longer be operating in a dual fashion; it will have become a mono mind, so to speak.

A Relief

Through having a mono mind, their view of the other person will be black and white – there will be no grey involved. If all parts of their mind were involved, they would be able to see that their ex is made up of many different parts.

Still, while this will stop them from seeing their ex in a balanced way, it will stop them from having to face a lot of pain. If they were to no longer see their ex as being all bad, they might end up coming into contact with a number of painful feelings.

A Temporary Solution

If one is able to see what is going on and they were to face their pain, they will gain a more balanced outlook when it comes to their ex. This defence mechanism will have stopped them from being overwhelmed by their own feelings, which will have been a good thing.

The above might not take place, though, and one may also have the tendency to see just about every area of their life in this way. One is then not going to be able to tolerate ambiguity.

Another Analogy

One way to understand this would be to imagine that life is like a selection box of chocolates; there are all different types and some types are more appealing than others. Yet, when someone has the tendency to use splitting, their selection box will only contain two types of chocolates, and these will be either good or bad.

Their mind will be a one dimensional place and this will result in their external being just as one dimensional. This will make it hard for them to maintain relationships with others, to think clearly and to have a balanced view of themselves, amongst other things.

For Example

Through having the tendency to use this defence mechanism, they can build people up when they meet them and then when this person does something that they themselves don’t like, they can pull them down. They will then idealize another person when they meet them, only to devalue them before long, which could cause them to discard them.

One minute, another person could be seen as the best person on the planet, in the next, they can be seen as being completely worthless. Also, one can see themselves as being the greatest at one point and then see themselves as having absolutely no value soon after.

A Closer Look

When splitting is a big part of how someone operates in their day-to-day life, it is likely to illustrate is that they are unable to handle their emotions. If they could, they would generally be able to be with their emotions and no longer need to be so up and down.

This person is in a lot of pain and this is why they can’t simply put this defence mechanism to one side. What this is likely to show that their early years were a time in their life when they experienced a lot of trauma.

Awareness

Perhaps this was a time in their when they were abused and/or neglected, and their birth, along with their time in the womb, might not have been too pleasant. If someone can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they will most likely need to reach out for external support.

This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. 

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk

There are a number of things that make life easier to handle on this planet, and being able to laugh is one of them. This ability serves a similar purpose to oil; it allows life to flow that little bit easier.

Without oil, a machine would soon end up seizing up, but while the world probably wouldn’t come to a standstill without laughter, it certainly wouldn’t be the same. Instead, it would be like living a life that is in black and white.

A Gloss

Being able to laugh, then, will be what gives life that bit of extra sparkle. So, let’s say that someone is experiencing a fair amount of stress; they will be able to watch something that will help them to relax.

This could be a live comedy show or it could be a series, but it will still be something that allows them to have a good laugh. Their brain will end up releasing feel-good chemicals during this time.

Another Option

Alternatively, one could end up reaching out to a certain friend who usually makes them laugh. Not only could this person make them laugh but, when they get together, both of them could end having a good laugh.

They will then appreciate being with the other person and they will be able to release a lot of tension and to loosen up in their presence. Every other part of their life could fade into the background, allowing them to be fully present.

Weighed Down

If they were to simply sit with their stress and didn’t reach out in this way, it would be a lot harder for them to handed life. The lubrication that laughter provides to their being wouldn’t be there, which would most likely set them up to feel tight and tense.

They could end up feeling even more stressed and they may find that certain symptoms start to appear. For example, they might find that they end up getting headaches, back problems and/or that their stomach hurts, for instance.

It’s Not a Panacea

Now, this is not to say that having a good laugh will solve everything; there will be times when one will need to do far more than this. Naturally, if one had a serious problem in their life and simply laughed about it, it wouldn’t solve anything.

This area of their life would probably end up getting worse and, the sooner they get serious about it, the sooner something can be done about it. So, as with any tool, there will be a time when it has a purpose and a time when it doesn’t.

A Destructive Influence

In addition to laughing when it is time to be serious, using humour during the same moments can be just as harmful. When this takes place, it will be as though someone doesn’t want to face something.

Laughing or using humour will then a way of them to create space between themselves and what it is that they don’t want to acknowledge. It will be like they are putting a blanket over something that they don’t want to see.

A Defence

This is likely to be something that will take place without one even being aware of what they are doing. It is then not that one has consciously chosen to avoid something; it is merely something that just happens.

Through doing this, it will enable them to avoid how they feel at a deeper level. If they were to no longer laugh or to put their humour to one side, they could end up feeling very uncomfortable.

Protection

Ultimately, this will be their minds way of keeping them alive, and this can be seen as a good thing. What is not good about this approach, however, is that it can stop them from being able to change a certain area of their life and to grow.

It this case, it will be essential for them to gradually become aware of what they are trying to avoid. To do this, they may need to reach out for external support – support that will allow them to go where they haven’t been able to go by themselves.

A Deep Wound

If one has the tendency to laugh and/or to use humour whenever it is necessary for them to be serious, there is the chance that they are carrying trauma. Over the years, a number of layers may have been formed over this trauma.

Due to this, they may not be able to go into their body and to instantly connect with what they are trying to avoid. Like any kind of mining, they will need to chip through a few layers until they can find exactly what they are looking for.

Way Back

They may find that this trauma relates to something that took place during their adult years, or they may find that it goes back even further. If it goes back to their early years, it could have been something that completely overwhelmed their system.

And, as they were unable to integrate the experience, they had to split-off a part of themselves instead. This would have stopped them from being able to operate as a whole human being.

Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they want to become a more integrated human being, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.

• Join my Facebook Page.
• Follow me on Twitter.
• The books I have written.

Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk​​  

When one experiences pain and it is not possible for them to face the pain that they’re experiencing, they’re going to end up using a number of defence mechanisms. This could be due to how traumatising the experience is or because it would be too much for them to face how they feel.

A defence mechanism is then a vital part of one’s ability to survive and/or to stop them from being overwhelmed. However, if one was to keep the defence mechanisms in place after the experience that caused them to use them, there is the chance that they will do more harm than good.

Survival

What was at first a necessary part of one’s survival, soon becomes a threat to their survival and if it isn’t a threat, it will still have a negative effect on their life. Ideally, one would use a defence mechanism and then let it go, sp to speak, once they have outgrown its use.

While this would be the healthiest option, this doesn’t always take place and this is because it is not always possible. One could start using a defence mechanism when there are no other options available; this could relate to their childhood.

Assistance

Or even if one is not this young and is therefore an adult, it doesn’t mean that one believes that there are other options available. At a deeper level, one might believe that it is not safe for them to seek assistance or that they wouldn’t be able to handle facing what is within them.

It then won’t matter if there is help available or not, as one is going to stop themselves form embracing what is available. The pain is then going to remain within them and one is going to keep their defence mechanism/s in place.

Pain

So as their defences are going to remain and the pain within them won’t be dealt with, it is not going to be possible for their life to change. The impact that a defence mechanism is having on ones life could be minimal but at the same time, it could be having a massive impact on their life.

There is then going to be two levels to the pain that one is experiencing. At a deeper level will be the pain that they’re covering up and are doing their best to avoid. This inner pain is then going to create what are often classed as ‘symptoms’. This could be: anxiety, depression, low self esteem and/or dysfunctional relationships.

Avoidance

And while these ‘symptoms’ can be painful, they’re often seen as being less painful than the pain that is casing them. So all the time that one has this outlook, they’re not going to face what is causing them to experience certain ‘symptoms’.

Perhaps they need to get to certain paint where they’re no longer willing to live life in the same way or they might just put up with these ’symptoms’ and do nothing about them. Everyone is different, and so it is hard to say whether one will face their pain or simply put up with the ‘symptoms’ that the pain is creating.

Repetition Compulsion

When one experiences something that is painful, and this could be a one off or something that happened on a number of occasions, they can end up re-creating the same scenario over and over again. And even though the original scenario didn’t lead to the outcome they wanted, they’re still unable to stop themselves from re-creating it.

Now, if one has had an experience that was painful or even traumatic, it can be hard to understand why someone would want to experience it again. This is not something that one does consciously; it is something that will take place unconsciously.

Examples

One may find that they are continually attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable or abusive. And although they are not able to commit or to treat one with respect, one does everything they can do make them commit or to make the other person love them.

Women, who were abused growing up, are often found working in the adult industry, professions where their bodies are objectified and in relationships with men who are abusive.

Why Does This Happen?

So through re-recreating the same scenario or one that is similar, one will believe that they will finally get what they didn’t get from the original experience/s that created the pain that has remained within them. This gives one a sense of hope and the belief that they will finally get what they want.

For if they were to face the reality of the situation, they would realise that it is not possible for them to get what they didn’t get. To accept this, would mean that they would have to face the pain that is within them.

The Illusion

But it is clear to see that although one is repeating the same experience in order to avoid facing how they feel, they are recreating the same experience so they’re going to end up feeling the same.

So until one steps back and realises that they’re experiencing what they want to avoid, they’re going to suffer unnecessarily. When one is no longer willing to create the same experiences and is ready to face their pain, their life will begin to change.

Awareness

This original pain often goes back to ones childhood and relates to what their caregivers were unable to give them. One can then end up being disconnected from what took place and yet, their behaviour is still being defined by it.

The pain that one is holding onto will need to be faced and released; this is not to say that this will happen overnight or that one will be able to face it by themselves. External support might be needed and this can be supplied by a therapist, healer or some kind of support group.

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article. 

Oliver J R Cooper 
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

If defence mechanisms were mentioned, it is likely that regression would be spoken about and this is because it is one of the more common ones. But no matter what defence mechanism is used, they all have the same purpose. With the purpose being that they allow one’s mind to avoid the emotional pain of the body.

Although defence mechanisms could be seen as bad things, without them one wouldn’t last very long. They allow one to keep pain under control and to regulate what happens to them. Without them one would end up being overwhelmed by pain and life would be unbearable.

However, one can have a tendency to use one defence mechanism more that they use another or even have a few that they use as a way of life. And the reason that they have become accustomed to using a certain one can depend on numerous factors.

Their childhood will play a big role, as will the people that they spend their time with and the society that they live in. so the ones they use will typically be what one feels safe with and to use others would be associated as not being safe.

The Build Up

So even though one will need to use these from time to time and could have certain ones operating in their life constantly, the more pain that has built up within them, the more defences they will need to have.

If these defence mechanisms were removed even momentarily, all kinds of pain could arise and this might be too much for someone to cope with. At least if they didn’t have the right support around them. One might need to undergo a number of sessions with a therapist or a healer.

But with that aside, it is clear that defence mechanisms are similar to the dams that keep water at bay. And just like how water would shoot out if the dam wasn’t there, emotional pain would appear in the same way if these defences were not in place.

Short Term

One could have a tire that goes flat and as a way to handle this problem, they use the spare. But while this has short term benefits, it is often not meant to be used constantly. A new tyre will be needed.

And although defence mechanisms do have short term benefits, when they are used in the long run it can lead to problems. The mind can come to the conclusion that everything is fine and yet the body will still be carrying the emotional pain that appeared through a certain event or a number of events taking place.

Control

These defence mechanisms allow the mind to experience a sense of control. And this is not done through the mind working with ones emotions and being with then, but by trying to control them or through denying their existence.

But although the mind can believe that it is in control by avoiding emotions and therefore the pain that they can create, the whole process is can cause one to become more and more out of control.

And yet these defence mechanisms can stop one from realising that this is what is actually happening. What is happening in one’s body and what is taking place externally can then seem random and as happening to them, as opposed to being created by them.

As Time Passes

At first, one might be able to deal with this emotional pain without too much trouble, but as time passes and the years go by, it is likely to become out of control. The cracks will start to appear in one way or another.

One could then end up engaging in a lot of projection and what they are not willing to face within themselves; they end up seeing in other people.  Here, one can feel that they are being victimised by external factors, but the world is just reflecting back what is going on in their body.

Regression

When it comes to regression, one is returning to a state of being that feels safe. So there will be an external trigger of some kind and based on how ones ego mind interprets this, one will end up feeling a certain way and therefore act in a way that feels comfortable.

This will happen automatically and without one having to think about it. As an adult this is not going to be ideal, as one is likely to regress to a childlike state. So although they are physically an adult, emotionally they will feel like child. And this is not going to be a child that is happy and full of life.

Childhood

It could be the result of what has happened throughout one’s life, but one childhood years are often the primary cause. So during ones childhood, something would have happened that was traumatic or there could have been an accumulation of miner experiences that were traumatic and this caused them to feel certain emotions.

And if these were allowed to be faced and released there wouldn’t be a problem. But as they were not released, they will have stayed stuck in one’s body. And whenever one is in a situation that reminds them of this early event, they will return to how they felt all those years ago.

The Experience

This could be something subtle and doesn’t necessarily need to be something significant. All it could take is: a certain look or vocal tone, smell, temperature or a word and one has regressed.

They could then end up feeling: hopeless, helpless, vulnerable, ashamed, scared, abandoned, rejected, alone, humiliated and powerless amongst other things.

Awareness

So all the time these trapped feelings and emotions are in one’s body, it is going to be a challenge for one to be an empowered adult. One might find that they regress during certain moments or that their life is full of these moments and they generally feel out of control and disempowered.

These will needs to be faced and released. And this can be done with the assistance of a therapist or a healer who will allow one to face them and gradually release them.

No matter what defence mechanism is being utilised, they all have the same purpose. And that is to stop one from being overwhelmed by what they are experiencing. They are used when the pain that is arising is too much for someone to handle.

And as pain is part of life and therefore can’t be avoided, they are always going to be times when it is necessary to use a defence mechanism or a number of them, in order to survive the challenges of life.  If a defence mechanism is used and one is not aware of it, it can result in one avoiding responsibility; either in a specific situation or as a way of life.

There are some that are classed as more functional than others and there will be moments when using them will lead to even more problems. So they have a time and a place and to use them during certain moments could start to create problems in ones life.

So justification is no different to any other defence mechanism and when it is used during certain occasions it is unlikely to create too much trouble for someone. What will be the key factor is how one applies justification.

As when justification is used, it typically relates to a situation where some kind of moral standpoint is being taken and whether something is right or wrong. And there all kinds of examples of how justification is used in everyday life and by people in the public eye.

Entitlement

One of the common challenges in today’s world is the so called ‘entitlement mentality’. Here, one can expect things simply for being alive and for existing. It is not a case of them having to earn what they want or to put any effort into achieving anything. And while certain societies have adapted to this outlook and therefore support it, there is only so much they can do.

So when it comes to someone not having what they want, due to society not giving it them for instance, one approach is for someone to steal what they want. One could then be charged or found out and say that what they did was right because they had no other way of getting it. The behaviour then becomes justified in their eyes.

Cheating

While most people would say that cheating in a relationship is wrong, it doesn’t mean that it will stop them from doing it.  To have this outlook at an intellectual level it is one thing, but if one is not emotionally stable for example, right and wrong can go out of the window.

This means that when someone does cheat and they knew it was wrong to begin with, guilt and shame is likely to appear and this guilt or shame will need to be dealt with someone. If one takes responsibility for it, then justification might not be used. But if responsibility is not taken, ones inner angst could be dealt with by justifying the behaviour.

And this process could become so natural and habitual that the inner pain could soon become disconnected and unknown to the person who cheats. As soon as it arises, a kind of conditioned reflex takes over to cut out the pain.

Perhaps one could say that the person they went with didn’t mean anything or that their partner cheated to, so that makes it fair. Or that their partner has not been attentive enough and so they had to get the attention from somewhere.

Animals

If one were to see a dog or cat in a vehicle during a hot day and suffering as a result, one approach would be to break into the car and let the dog out to cool down. Under normal circumstances this would be wrong as one would be going onto another’s personal property.

And yet their behaviour could be justified in this context as they were making sure the animal didn’t die in the car. Of course some people could still say this was wrong and reject the view that is was justified.

Justification

These are just some examples of how justification can be used. In some situations it will be appropriate and in others it will have the potential to create problems in one’s life and cause them to avoid taking responsibility for their own behaviour.

If one is using justification during moments when they should be taking responsibility, it might be necessary to seek the assistance of a therapist or a healer to look a little deeper. One can then gradually face what they are avoiding in a safe environment and begin to act in ways that are more conscious. 

Defence mechanisms are used to stop the ego mind from becoming overwhelmed, as if they were not utilised, the mind may not be able to cope with the pain that is arising. So they are not good or bad or right or wrong, they simply there to ensure that one survives.

Denial will be used during moments when the pain that one is experiencing is too much to handle. And while this can last for a short while and then come to an end shortly after, it can also go on to become part of one’s life.

Here, one doesn’t experience denial and then come to face what was actually going on; they are in denial about something and never come to face what actually occurred. Their whole existence has then become an example of denial. This is of course an extreme case of denial and in most cases, it is not that extreme.

What will typically make the difference is what one is in denial about. There are going to be something’s one could deny without too much trouble and then there are others that will lead to great challenges.

Sports

For example, one could be in denial about what sports team is the best; even though one has become the champions and the other team has not. And based on what the league table says or who has won the most, it would be clear as to what team is the best.

But while this type of denial may create a bit on conflict between friends, it is unlikely to result in some kind of life challenge. It is often a sign of how passionate one is towards their team and so facing the reality of the situation can be difficult.

Addictions

When it comes to addictions that are destructive, such as the use of alcohol or drugs, denial can become a way of life. And these substances and many others are allowing one to avoid the feelings that would appear if they were to cut down or no longer engage in these addictions.

So alcohol or drugs could be blamed and yet these are only there to enable one to avoid pain. And for the person who is addicted to them, it is common for them to say that they are fine and don’t have any problems. To hear this can seem strange and even odd, but they are just protecting themselves from pain.

Abuse

There are all kinds of abuse and if someone was abused by their caregivers as a child, they would have typically have had to denied how they felt. Because their survival was based on pleasing them and so it had to be covered up.

And as adults, it can be extremely difficult to admit to what happened. If they were to admit to what took place, it could trigger all kinds of pain and their very foundations could be shaken to the core.

So based on the kind of history that they could have had, to experience this pain again could lead to incredible suffering.  They can come to conclude that the only way to cope with what happened is to deny its existence.

Denial

This shows that denial is not something to be taken lightly or dismissed. In some cases, especially in situations such as abuse, if one were to face what they are denying, it could result in some kind of meltdown.

Denial is something we all engage in from time to time and is beneficial to our survival. What it really comes down to is how long one is in denial for and what they are in denial about.  If this has become a big challenge for someone, then some kind of therapy or healing may be needed to allow one to face what is so painful.

The ego mind uses defence mechanism for protection and to ensure its own survival. There are many of these available and this will often depend on two factors. This can be: the type of experience that one has and how one interprets the experience.

Reaction formation is a way for the mind to regulate emotions and thoughts that are perceived as being too inappropriate to reveal. It may be that one feels shame or guilt around expressing a certain emotion or thought. And as the ego mind works in polarities; the experience then becomes polarised.

For example; one feels anger towards someone, but is unable to express this directly due to a number of reasons and this then goes to the other extreme and one comes across as really pleasant

However, this is not to say that everyone will feel guilt, shame or fear around the same things. There may be general patterns to this, but there will also be people who have associated something to be inappropriate and others will not.

So now let’s take a look at some of the common examples in everyday life.

Authority

A common example of this will be authority figures. Due to the positions of authority figures it is not always beneficial to express how one truly feels towards them. This could be a manger, a policeman or a club bouncer.

And as a way to deal with ones inner experience, one becomes overly polite and friendly towards them. It is also possible for this to show up in other cases, this could be towards a bully or an abusive person in someone’s life.

The Opposite Sex

There will be some men who have moments when they feel as though they are against women and some women will have moments when they feel like they don’t like men.  And as a way to deal with these feelings, they can then become extremely nice to the opposite sex.

This can come across in many ways; from men worshipping women and putting them on a pedestal, to women looking up to and idealising men.

Political Correctness

In recent years political correctness has taken over and lead to all kinds of problems. And this is the perfect example of reaction formation. As a way to deal with anything that is labelled as ‘offensive’; it has caused things to go to the other extreme. The term walking on egg shells can sum it up. Here, one is expected to be all accepting, completely tolerant and without opinion.

What then occurs is that people can feel like robots and lose all sense of authenticity. It is quite clear that this approach is not going to lead to any real growth and is causing repression. At when it comes to society, that is nothing new.

Reaction Formation

These are just a few examples and I am sure many more that will come to mind .There will be moments when this defence mechanism is useful. And there will also be times when it is right for one to reveal what is really going on. This will depend on many factors and something that one must decide for themselves.

This is a defence mechanism that is no different to any other, in that it allows the ego mind to ensure its own survival. If there is a situation where the ego mind perceives that it is unsafe to express an emotion or to behave in a certain way; the ego mind will have to suppress what is happening.

So instead of someone speaking there mind or expressing how they feel to someone that has made them feel compromised or abused, it will have to be hidden from others. Here one may put on a face that is the complete opposite to how they really feel. Or one might say something that is the polar opposite to what is going on inside their head.

As a result of this it will mean that these feelings, emotions and words will have to come out somewhere. And how they are expressed, will depend on numerous factors. They will only be expressed in an environment or a situation, where the ego mind feels safe.

So let’s take a look at the situations where displacement can take place.

The Work Environment

If one is in a work environment where there is an abusive boss for example; it might mean that one can’t express how they truly feel towards that person. Here the anger or frustration could be taken out on a fellow co worker. Or it may stay hidden and get taken out on ones partner, friends, children or pets.

The School Bully

Another strong example here is of the abusive caregiver who physically or emotionally abuses their child. Due to the child not being strong enough or feeling safe enough to stand up to the parent; the child has to hold in and deny how they are feeling.

The child will then go to school and come across plenty of people that are physically smaller and weaker. And are therefore the perfect individuals to express their suppressed anger and frustration on.

Being Conscious

This is completely different to observing the mind; where there is an awareness of one’s thoughts and emotions. Here it is possible to listen to and feel them; without needing to repress them or to act on them unconsciously.

We are only human and there will be times when it is not possible to simple sit with our emotions and thoughts. This is especially true for the younger child that is being abused in the example above. During moments like these, displacement is the only option available to ensure ones survival.

If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.

Oliver J R Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/