Self-Knowledge: Can Someone Feel Like A Victim If They’re Out Of Touch With Their Unconscious Mind?17/1/2019
In both mainstream society and the self-development world, it is not uncommon for the focus to be on the conscious mind. In both of these areas, what is taking place in this part of ones being can be the only thing that matters.
For example, let’s say that someone wanted to improve their life; they could end up being told that this shows that they need to believe in themselves. This could then end up being a time when they will start to change their thinking, in order to have more positive thoughts. A Similar Outlook Therefore, regardless of whether one looks towards mainstream society for guidance and ends up working with a cognitive behavioural therapist, for instance, or goes a different route and ends up working with a self-development coach who uses positive thinking and affirmations, for instance, one approach won’t be radically different to the other. Through getting their head right, one can believe that their life will start to move in the right direction. Now, there is also the chance that this approach will lead them to their desired destination. Another Outcome Then again, one could try this approach and find that their life doesn’t really change. Or if it does, they might only be able to get so far and, before long, their life could go back to how it was before. Consequently, one will be doing what they can to change their life, but it can be as though they are wasting their life. If one felt powerless and as though they had no control over their life before they tried to change their life, this experience could return once again. A Slightly Different Scenario Alternatively, could just find that one area of their life is not going as they want it to but they might not look for guidance. For example, someone could be clear about what kind of person they want to be in a relationship with, yet this might not happen. Instead, they could have the tendency to attract people who are not a good match for them, and they may even be abusive. There will be the kind of person who they want to be with and then there will be the kind of person who they actually end up with. No Control As a result of this, it can be normal for them to come to the conclusion that they are unlucky. If this is something that has been going on for quite some time, one could even see themselves as a victim. In their mind, they will be clear about what they want, and they may have even done what they could to make sure their external appearance is up to scratch. They may even come into contact with people who are surprised that they can’t find a decent mate, adding even more weight to their view - if they have this view - that they are a victim. An Analogy One way of looking at these two scenarios above would be to say that they have a lot in common with an engineer who tries to fix a computer by focusing on the screen. In this case, it will be clear that the engineer needs to stop focusing on the screen and to look into what is taking place below the screen – the computer itself. The screen will show that there is something wrong down below, which is why this part will need to be fixed. Trying to fix what is taking place above will just be a waste of time. A Big Difference However, while this is something that is going to be clear, the same can’t be said it comes to looking at what is taking place at a deeper level of a human being. What is taking place down below is something that is often overlooked in both mainstream society and the self-development world. It is then as though there is no such thing as an unconscious mind, with someone’s life being a reflection of what is taking place in their conscious mind. The part of someone that has the biggest effect on how they behave is then going to be completely overlooked. The Answers What someone is likely to find, if they get in touch with what is taking place at a deeper level, is why they are experiencing life in a certain way. But, without the knowledge that is within them, it will be perfectly normal for them to feel like a victim. It will seem as though the external world is victimising them; when in reality, they will most likely be the ones who are victimising themselves. Now, when it comes to their unconscious mind (body), this is typically the part of them that contains the painful feelings and memories that they are not willing to face. Out of Mind, But Not Out Of Sight These feelings and memories will have been forgotten about by their conscious mind, but the unconscious mind will be fully aware of them. And, as their conscious mind is not willing to face these aspects directly, the unconscious mind will have to reveal them to them indirectly and in a symbolic manner. This part of them can communicate with them in a variety of different ways such as: through dreams, the people who they attract and are drawn to, how their body responds to different food and environments. The trouble is that if one is not aware of these sings, they won’t be able to take advantage of them. Awareness There is a quote by Carl Jung that is highly relevant here, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” When someone’s starts to work through the trauma that is in their body, they will most likely find that their life gradually starts to change. The assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Trauma: Is It Important For Someone To Spend Time In Nature If They Have Experienced Trauma?14/1/2019
In the same way that a rupture can severely weaken a tyre, trauma can also severely weaken a human being. But even though a broken type can be replaced by a brand new one, a human being won’t be able to find a another suit to replace the one that is not in a good way.
As a result of this, they will need to find a way to repair the damage that has been done to their body and mind. They will be like humpty dumpty inasmuch it will be as if they have fallen off a wall and ended up in pieces, but that is where the similarity will end, as they will have to find a way to put themselves back together again. A Closer Look There is the chance that one experienced trauma in their adult life and/or it could go back their early years. What this means, is that they will have experienced something that overwhelmed their system. And, as it was so overwhelming, it wasn’t possible for their system to integrate what took place. The outcome of this can be an inner sense of not being an integrated human being, and, along with this, will be a number of different symptoms. A Closer Look If what they are going through relates to their adult years, it could show that they have had a car accident or been in the army, for instance. On the other hand, if it goes relates to what they experienced during their early years, it could show that they were abused and/or neglected. What they may find, if they can relate to the former, is that it didn’t take them long to see that something wasn’t right due to how they experienced life before. However, if one can relate to the latter, it might have taken them a while to figure out what was doing on due to how normal it was. The Power of Contrast Having been in a bad way, practically from the moment they were born, would have made it much harder for them to see that what they were going through was not normal. A large part of their life may then have been spent doing the best that they could to handle the pain that they were in. Fortunately, if someone was in a good way before they had a car accident or were in a war zone, for instance, they will have a clear idea that what they are going through is not part of life. At the same time, what they went through may have had such a big effect on them that it might be hard for them to connect to what their life was like before. A Few Symptoms So, when someone is unable to operate as a whole human being due to the conflict that is within them, it is likely to be a challenge for them to be in the present moment. Their mind, as a way to handle the arousal that is within them, can end up taking them all over the place. Naturally, this will make it hard for them to truly show up around others and to be able to concentrate. This may also affect their memory, making it hard for them to remember things and to recall what people have said to them. All at Sea Ultimately, their body won’t be at peace and this will cause their mind to be all over the place. Lacking inner stability and togetherness, it will be a challenge for them to handle too much external stimulation. Going into public places and being around large crowds will be too much for their traumatised system to deal with. Or, if they can handle being in these types of environments, they may find that they have the urge to get away before too much time passes. Triggers, Triggers Everywhere In way, it can be as though one is wearing a suit that is very sensitive to stimulation, with just about any kind of stimulation causing it to react. Mainstream society, with all the drama and noise, will cause them to experience even more inner disharmony. Thus, they won’t need to be around people who are abusive or inconsiderate in order to feel even more overwhelmed than they may do already. At this stage on their life, it will be vital for them to try to limit the amount of stimulation they are exposed to. Disintegration Limiting the amount of stimulation that they are exposed to may allow them to feel slightly more integrated at times, while increasing the amount of stimulation they are exposed to may cause them to feel as though they are falling apart. Thankfully, there is at least one thing that they can do to give their senses a rest and to lower their stress levels. Spending time in nature can be an excellent way for them to give their whole being the chance to relax and to recharge. This can be somewhere where they will be able to simply be and not have to be concerned about anything else. Awareness There can be the effect that this has on one when they are in nature and then there can be the effect it has on them shortly after. Their body and their mind can feel at lot more at peace during this time and for a little while after. If they are not already doing so, they may also need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When it comes to what someone does for a living, there is the chance that it is a big part of who they are. In fact, it might go even further, with one seeing this area of their life as their whole life.
One is then not just going to go to work and then to leave this part of their life when they come home; it will be something that they live and breathe. During their time off, then, they will most likely spend a lot of time thinking about their job. More Work Along with what goes through their mind when they are not at work, could be what they have to do for their job. This could be work that they have to do or it could be work that they choose to do. However, due to how connected they are to what they do, they might not even think about having time to do other things. They could say that what they do is so enjoyable that they don’t have the need to do anything else. The Glue Therefore, in the same way that cement will be what keeps bricks together, their job will be what keeps their life together. Without this job, their life would probably be radically different. But, as just about every waking hour of their life revolves around their job, this is not going to be much of a surprise. It would be very similar to the effect that a break up would have on someone if they did practically everything with their partner. All Consuming Being in a relationship would have defined who they were, which is why this would also hit them hard. If there is no separation between someone and their job, they might not even have time to have a relationship. Or if they are with someone, this person might be used to being overlooked and not feeling as though one values them. Even when one does spend time with them, their mind could be somewhere else. In The Middle Now, someone like this could have a very well paid job and they could be right at the top of the hierarchy, so to speak. As a result of this, this could be something that allows them to receive a fair amount of positive feedback from others and to experience a fair amount of stress. At the same time, one might not have a job like this, yet it could still be something that they find deeply rewarding. In general, the stress that they do experience could simply keep them on their toes and not be something that is too much for them to handle. A Loss If, for some reason, they were to lose their job, it could be incredibly difficult for them to accept what has taken place. The world won’t have come to an end, but it could seem as though their world has. In addition to losing their job, it could seem as though they have lost themselves. Clearly, they will still be the same person physically, yet they won’t be the same person when it comes to their identity. All at Sea The job that they had would have provided them with lot of structure and, now that this has gone, they will have lost their shape. Like jelly that is no longer in a mould, they will be all over the place. Furthermore, they could end up experiencing a fair amount of shame, setting up to feel as though they have no value. Losing their identity will be bad enough and it will be even worse for them to feel as though they are worthless. A New Beginning One thing that they could do is to try to find another job as soon as they can do solve this challenge. If this was to take place, it might allow them to put this experience behind them and to gradually settle down. There is, of course, the chance that this won’t happen, meaning that one will need to try another approach. Regardless of whether they won’t be able to get another job like they had or if they simply need to wait a little while, it will be essential for them to redefine themselves. Many Baskets What they could do is to decide to no longer base their identity on one area of their life, which will stop them from putting all their eggs in one basket, so to speak. Through having many different interests in their life, they will be less likely to be affected if one area isn’t going well. If one area of their life is not going well, they will have plenty of others interests to keep them going. This will allow them to have an expanded sense of themselves, too; seeing that they are a multifaceted being. Self-Worth As for feeling worthless, what they may find is that the loss of their job triggered shame that was already within them. Perhaps, it was this shame that caused them to become so attached to their job to begin with. Through feeling so flawed, they believed that the only way for them to experience a sense of value was to become someone and to achieve something. Being out of touch with their inner value would have set them up to externalise their value. Awareness If this is the case, and one has the means to do so, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Many years ago, there were only a small amount of designer brands but, as time has passed, this has gradually changed. Thanks to the internet, there are now numerous designer brands.
Still, even though plenty of brands have appeared over the years, a number of the old brands are still right at the top. This could be put down to the fact that these brands are still better than the others, or it could be put down to their ability to market their products in the right way. Indifferent Now, there are people out there who couldn’t care less about these kinds of brands; what will matter to them is wearing clothes that they feel comfortable in. For others, these brands might not interest them, but they will still want to look smart. This is not to say that people like this won’t have ever bought an item of clothing that had a designer label. What it comes down to is that they are not going to go out of their way to buy these kinds of clothes. Another Experience There are also going to be others who will buy branded clothes every now and then. When this takes place, it could show that there is a sale on or that it is a time in their life when they have the money to do so. This can show that while they do enjoy wearing these kinds of clothes, they don’t have trouble wearing the clothes that are not branded. In other words, wearing unbranded clothes won’t make them feel inferior. Another Factor Someone who can relate to the above may find that whenever they buy branded clothes, they typically end up lasting longer. The extra money they fork out for these items will then be worth it in the long-run. When this relates to an item of clothing that is unlikely to go out of fashion, it will be even better. Spending big every now and then may be something that they are able to do without it having a major effect on their finances. A Very Different Scenario Along with this, there are going to be other people who will only wear designer brands. When someone experiences life in this way, it could be a sign that they have plenty of money, meaning that spending a lot on clothes is not going to have much of an impact on their finances. At the same time, this might not be the case, yet they will still only wear these kinds of clothes. But regardless of whether someone can identify with the former or the latter, they could say that these clothes are simply better than the other clothes. Another Element Furthermore, what they may find is that they feel good when they wear these kinds of clothes. If they were to wear normal clothes, what they may find is that they don’t feel the same. The kind of responses that they get from other people could also change, with them no longer getting the same type of feedback. It will then be clear that they don’t just wear these brands because of how the clothes feel on their body. A Closer Look If they were to find that they no longer feel the same when they wear normal clothes, it could show that wearing designer brands has a positive effect on their how they see themselves. Unless they wear these types of clothes, they could find that they end up experiencing a drop in their emotional state. Ultimately, they will still be the same person irrespective of what they wear, but wearing normal clothes could seem to take their value away. What this can illustrate is that they primarily wear these clothes to avoid how they feel. A Cover Up Due to how they feel on the inside, they will need to associate themselves with things that are perceived as having value in order to feel valuable. Through feeling worthless on the inside, their value will have been externalised. Wearing normal items of clothing will bring out the part of themselves that will remind them of how flawed they feel. Wearing designer labels, on the other hand, is not only going to be a way for them to try to stop other people from realising this; it is also going to be a way for them to stop themselves from having to face how they feel deep down. Way Back The reason that they feel so worthless can be the result of what took place at the beginning of their life. Perhaps this was a time in their life when they were abused and/or neglected, causing them to be overwhelmed with shame. Since that time in their life, they may have tried their best to run away from this feeling; this is a not a surprise, though, given how painful it is to experience shame. This is most likely the most painful feeling to experience. Awareness Unless one deals with the trauma that they experienced at the start of their life, it is unlikely that they will be able to embrace their inherent value. The only option they will have is to hide behind things that will allow them to experience a sense of worth, and experiencing a sense of superiority can also allow them to avoid how they feel. This is something that can take place with external assistance. With the support of a therapist or a healer, for instance, they will be able to work through their pain and to realise that their value is within them not without.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, self-improvement is a big part of so many people’s lives, and perhaps the internet is the primary reason why this is so. The internet has made this type of information readily available, and this has made it easier for people to promote this type of lifestyle.
For example, people in the public eye can talk about what they do to improve themselves; thereby, having a big impact on how so many other people behave. These types of people are then going to be the ‘influencers’. Fitting In So while one could see how someone like this is living their life and believe that it would be a good idea for them to work on themselves, they could also just go along with this in order to fit in. Their need to be part of this group is then going to be more important than thinking for themselves. Still, in this situation, going along with what other people are doing is unlikely to lead to anything too negative. If this ‘influencer’ was encouraging people to be violent and one just went along with it, this wouldn’t be the case. Numerous Options While one person may end up being drawn to yoga and even mindfulness, another could gravitate to information that will allow them to feel better about themselves and to change their behaviour. Having said that, one could find that all this and more, appeals to them. It would be easy to assume that there are now as many people who do yoga as there are who lift weights. And just as more and more women are becoming aware of the benefits of lifting weights, more and more men are realising how beneficial yoga is. The Main Issue Let’s say that someone is in a position where their feelings are out of control and their behaviour is not how they would like it to be, they could end up reading books that will show them how to control their emotions and how to change their behaviour. One might want to find some kind of technique that will allow them to control how they feel, which will then allow them to control how they behave. What one could soon learn is that for them to control how they feel, they will need to learn how to control their thoughts. Their feelings are then going to be caused by the thoughts that randomly arise in their head. The Power of Force Once their thoughts are under control, the other two areas should fall into line. In addition to this, they may be told that changing their behaviour can also be a way for them to change the other two elements. By using their willpower, they will gradually be able to transform their life. If they were to read more books or to watch a few videos, they may end up coming across advice that is similar. One Need One will have the need to transform their life, and what they read and/or watch will provide the information that may allow them to do just that. Thanks to the work that they put in, they will end up having a greater understanding of what is taking place in their mind. Their understanding of how they behave in different environments and around different people will also improve. Even so, it is unlikely that this approach will allow them to gain a deeper understanding of themselves. On The Surface There is, of the course, the chance that they only want to improve themselves, not to truly understand why they experience life in a certain way. Thus, rearranging the furniture on the titanic, so to speak, is going to be enough. What this can show is that while they are willing to experience a small amount of pain, they don’t want to experience too much. Likewise, the information they have read about how to improve themselves may also have been put together by people who were the same. One Area Going to a deeper level and getting in touch with what is taking place in their unconscious mind will be more painful, but it will give them the opportunity to truly understand what is going on and why their life is the way it is. However, due to what they have read about and watched, it could seem as there is not a part of their being where all their baggage resides. The focus will be on doing what they can to deal with what is taking place in their conscious mind; the part of them that will shed light on what is taking place at a deeper level. Trying to resolve things by focusing purely on the conscious mind is a bit like trying to remove weeds by cutting them off at the top; it might work in the short term, but it won’t deal with the roots and they will most likely soon reappear. A Strange Phenomenon Taking all this into account, just because someone is into self-development, it doesn’t mean that they have penetrated their own being and gained self-knowledge by doing so. In the same way that an old door can be painted and not stripped and redone, someone can simply decorate who they are as opposed to getting in touch with what is taking place at a deeper level and working through it. It could be said that it is not a surprise that so much of self-development focuses on symptoms, as the mind will do anything it can to avoid pain. If self-development in general was geared towards working through the pain that is in the unconscious mind (body), it might still be a niche area. Awareness If someone does want to gain a deeper understand of themselves, and now longer wants to try to manage their symptoms, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. The external support that someone like this provides will allow one to go where they wouldn’t necessarily go by themselves. And if they are carrying a lot of pain in their body, they will need this support to be able to work through it when it starts to come up.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
One thing that can’t be denied about human beings it that they have needs and, while some of these needs can be met without reaching out to others, there are others that cant. This is why human beings have been described as interdependent, not independent or dependent.
But, even though there are people in the world who feel comfortable with their own needs, there are others who don’t. And how someone lives if they feel comfortable with their own needs is likely to be radically different to how someone lives who doesn’t. Reaching Out If someone does, there is going to be no reason for them to hide their needs from others and to make out that they don’t have needs. They will be only too aware of the fact that they have needs and that they need others. This doesn’t mean that they will always be able to get their needs met, but what it is likely to mean is that they won’t be used to having them go unmet. If they experience a need, they might soon do something to fulfil it. One Scenario Let’s say one is in a relationship and they feel the need to experience physical affection, they could go and find their partner. If their partner is not around, they will have to wait a little while. Behaving in this way is not going to cause them to experience shame and to wonder how their partner will respond to them. What they are doing will be seen as normal, just as it will be seen as normal when their partner reaches out to them. One Step Back If, on the other hand, one is not in a relationship and they want to fulfil their physical and/or sexual needs, extending themselves to others won’t be something that causes them to feel uncomfortable. Or if they do feel uncomfortable, it could just be because they feel a bit nervous, for instance. But they won’t feel as though actively pursuing their needs is this way is something to be ashamed off, which would cause them to experience extreme discomfort. They will simply have needs, like every other human being on the planet. Another Scenario One could find that a certain situation is getting them down, and this will be a time when they need emotional support. This can mean that they just need another person to be there for them, to be fully present in their company. After they have spent an hour or so in their company, they may feel more at ease and have a clearer mind. Reaching out to a friend or a family member in this way will have been the right thing for them to do. In Balance One way to look at someone who behaves in this way would be to say that they are in harmony with themselves. They have accepted that they are an interdependent human being, allowing them to live in the right way. Maybe they have always felt comfortable with their own needs and have, therefore, reached out to others more or less whenever they have needed something. It might be hard for someone like this to understand why anyone would want to live life differently. Keeping Everything In If someone doesn’t experience life in this way, they can end up doing everything they can to hide their needs from others. They can generally create the impression that they are a needless human being. This doesn’t mean that they will have a good connection with their needs, though, as they could spend a lot of time being out of touch with a lot of their needs. In other words, they can spend a lot of time in their head and out of touch with their body. A Painful Place Through living in their head and convicting themselves that they don’t need others, it will allow them to avoid the pain that is likely to be in their body. Being in their body can bring them face-to-face with their needs and the pain of not getting their needs met. Living in their head will allow them to keep this pain at bay and to disconnect from a lot of their needs. Their emotional and physical needs will then end up being overlooked, setting them up to ignore a number of needs that have a big effect on their wellbeing Another Approach If they were to get in touch with these needs, they could end up experiencing a lot of shame. Not only this, the people who they open up to could reject them, thereby validating the view that they have of their own needs. When they reveal their needs, then, it will be as if they are revealing a part of themselves that is deeply shameful. In order to be accepted by others, they will believe that they need to hide their needs. Poor Connections If they do have people in their life, they may find that they are drawn to people who have embraced their needs and are incredibly needy. These people will then be mirroring back the part of themselves that they have denied. Being there for them can also be an indirect way for one to get their needs met. The trouble is that due to how needy these people are, they may rarely even notice that one has needs. A Deeper Look If someone is unable to embrace their needs, and to accept that their needs are part of being human, it is likely to be the result of what took place during the beginning of their life. This is likely to be a time when their caregivers, rarely, if ever, met their developmental needs. At this stage of their life, it would have been extremely traumatising for their needs to be ignored. Their whole system would have been overloaded with shame, along with other feelings, and there wouldn’t have been a lot that they could do to handle this pain, other than to disconnect from it or to be overwhelmed by it and to want their life to end. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to develop a better relationship their needs, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Stress is undoubtedly part of life, but while some people are able to handle a fair amount of it, there are others who can’t. When someone can handle a fair amount of stress, they may generally be able to handle their day-to-day life.
If they do feel weighed down, it could show that they have just been promoted or that they have taken on more than usual. For a short time, then, they won’t be able to function in the same way as they usually do. Inner Strength What they may find, once this is over, is that they feel even stronger than they did before. This experience would have tested them, but it won’t have had a negative effect on their life overall. Through having the ability to handle pressure, it will allow them to move forward and to make progress in their life. They may have a job that involves a lot of responsibilities and is fairly high pressured, or they might not have a job like this. An Important Ability Yet, no matter what kind of career they have, having the ability to handle a fair amount of stress is going to serve them well. This doesn’t mean that there won’t have been moments when they will have been taken out, though. Yet, when they can see that they are getting to this point, they might typically end up taking a step back. They will know that they can handle a fair amount of stress, but they will also know that they are not impervious to stress. Another Part And as they are generally able to handle the challenges of living in the modern day world, they may also be able to handle the stimulation that goes with it. Being in areas that are highly populated might not faze them. The lights, sounds and smells that are part of these areas are probably not going to bother them either. This is not to say that they will want to spend hours and hours in these kinds of environments; what it means is that they will be able to handle them when they need to. Two Parts As they are able to embrace the world, they may also find that their body is able to embrace most of the food that they put in their mouth. Being able to take in life will make life worth living and being able to take in food will be what allows them to live. In other words, their digestive system is not going to have the tendency to play up and to reject what they eat. This could be something that very rarely takes place, thereby allowing them to absorb the nutrients that go into their body. A Radically Different Life On the other hand, when someone can’t handle much stress, it can be a challenge for them to handle their day-to-day life. They won’t need to have anything big going on in order to feel weighed down. When it comes to their job, they could do something that is fairly low stress and where they don’t need to see many people. This can then make it easier for them to manage the stress that they do experience. Held Back Still, through being this way, they may find that it stops them from taking the next step in their career. Taking this next step might not simply be seen as something that would wipe them out; this could be what would actually take place. It is then not that they lack the courage to take the next step; it is that taking the next step would be too much for them to handle. Perhaps they have tried this is the past, only to end up in a really bad way. Conflict Nonetheless, while not taking the next step will be a way for them to manage their inner world, it doesn’t mean that they have fully accepted this. They could end up feeling hopeless and powerless from time to time, and they may feel as though they are incapable and lack what other people have. If the people in their life are supportive, it might make it slightly easier for them to handle being this way. Furthermore, they might not be able to handle too much stimulation either. Totally Fried They may prefer to go into areas that are not too populated, such as the woods, or to go out when there is not likely to be many people around. Load noises, strong smells and bright lights could wash them out. After being in a populated area for a little while, they could soon end up feeling drained, and it could take them a little while to recover. Their digestive system might also have the inclination to play up and struggle to utilise the nutrients that go into their body, which may mean that they are either over or underweight. A Reflection Therefore, not only will it be a challenge for them to embrace life; it will also be a challenge for their body to accept the food that they eat. One might believe that this is just a coincidence and that these two things are not connected. This could be the case; then again, these two things could be merely symptoms of what is taking place within them at a deeper level. There is the chance that what took place during the beginning of their life played a part in why they are experiencing life in this way. Way Back When they were a small child or even before then, at their birth, their system may have been overwhelmed with pain. The external support that they needed wouldn’t have been there, which was why this took place. Regardless of whether they were a child or a small baby - even though it would have been harder if they were a baby - it wouldn’t have been possible for them to handle this pain. As an adult, this original trauma is then going to be what is triggered whenever they feel overwhelmed, and it is not going to take a lot for this to take place. Awareness What this illustrates is that even if one’s mind is not aware of a traumatic event, it doesn’t mean that their body won’t be. When what happened in their past remains a mystery, it will be normal for them focus on the symptoms that arise. It is not that there is anything inherently wrong with them, it is just that their body is unable to integrate this experience/s, and this is why they are experiencing life in this way. As this trauma is resolved, the symptoms will most likely start to subside. If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they will most likely need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When it comes to self-development, a lot has been said about how important it is to be able to experience self-control and to be resilient. Naturally, these are two incredibly important abilities to have in life.
If one is unable to control themselves, it is going to be a challenge for them to achieve anything worthwhile. Instead, they will most likely get caught up in endless distractions and trivialities. An Analogy One way to understand what can take place, if someone has no control, can be to imagine a child in a toy shop. In one moment they will be drawn to one area and, in the blink of an eye, they will be drawn to another area. This child won’t be able to stick to any one area, which will stop them from getting an understanding of anything. The reason being is that as soon as they start to concentrate on one toy, they will end up seeing another toy and soon end up walking away. A Wasted life To behave in this way as an adult is going to stop one from being able to stick to anything. Just like a child in a toy shop, they can start something and then put it to one side shortly after. There can the impact this will have on their career, along with other areas of their life. For example, if one can control themselves, it is most likely going to be a challenge for them to eat sensibly and to exercise on a regular basis. Where has it all gone? One could then look back on their life and wonder what they have been doing; it may seem as though life has just passed them by. Their emotions and their thoughts will then have controlled them, as opposed to one being able to manage these parts of their being. Without the ability to keep their thoughts and feelings in check, it will have had a negative effect on their life. One will be like a small boat that is tossed around the ocean, not a big ship that can handle just about anything. The Other Part And if one is unable to keep going during the setbacks that arise, it is also unlikely that they will be able to achieve anything that is significant. As soon as things heat up, so to speak, they will drop out. They might be fairly big built or they might not, but what they won’t have is the inner muscle that will enable them to keep going. Someone like this will want an easy like, not the strength to handle the challenges that life brings. An another Analogy This will be like going to a gym and not wanting to lift anything that is too heavy. This will make it easier for them to lift things, yet what it won’t do is allow someone to become stronger. It could then be said that they will be wasting their time, and that it might have been better if they had stayed at home. Taking this into account, the having the ability to tolerate pain is clearly vital. The Dark Side However, while being stoic is going to allow one to handle life, it can have a negative effect if it is taken to the extreme. Or to be more precise, this can be something that takes place due to someone’s interpretation of what it means to be stoic. Through reading up about it, someone can believe that they need to deny how they feel and to basically dominate their emotions. Their mind is then going to be in a constant battle with their body. One Dimensional Being this way may allow them to move forward and to achieve their goals, but it can also set them up to have problems when it comes to connecting with others. Their emotions, the things that will allow them to connect to others and for others to connect to them, will be pushed down. They are then going to be human, but they might come across as though they don’t really feel anything. This can then set them up to have a very lonely existence, and what they achieve probably won’t fill this gap. A Deeper Look What someone like this may find is that they didn’t have a good relationship with their emotions to begin with, with this being the reason why they were drawn to stoicism. Or why they came to believe that behaving in this way was what it meant to be stoic. One could then continue to deny how they feel and believe that they were doing the right thing. This would have provided them with validation that they needed to keep the truth at bay: that they are avoiding how they feel. Way Back This can show that they are carrying a lot of pain due to what took place during their early years. Perhaps this was a time when they didn’t receive the care that they needed in order to develop a healthy relationship with their emotions. At this time in their life, pushing their emotions down would have been a way for them to handle the pain they were in. As a result of what they experienced, it would have also most likely given them the ability to be able to handle a fair amount of pain. Awareness If one had an early childhood where they had to disconnect from their emotions and had no other choice than to tolerate extreme pain, it is not going to be a surprise if they are drawn to ‘stoicism’. This form of stoicism is then simply going to be another defence that one will use to avoid their inner wounds. If one can relate to this, and they want to become an integrated human being, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
It could be said that the only way that someone can hide from others is if they isolate themselves. Therefore, if they are around other people, it won’t be possible for this to take place.
Nevertheless, while this might sound accurate, it is something that has very little basis in reality. In the same way that someone can hide by isolating themselves from others, they can also hide when they are around others. Disconnected As a result of this, it won’t matter if they are around others as they won’t be able to actually connect to them. The reason for this is that even though they will be physically there, they won’t be there emotionally. This will be a time when their true-self will be covered up, with them expressing their false-self instead. Their real needs and feelings are going to be covered up and they will take on an identity that doesn’t reflect their true essence. A Role What is taking place in their body is then going to be overlooked and their mind will end up taking over. This part of them will do what it can to make sure that they act in a way that will allow them to fit in. Through being out of touch with their body, they will be out of touch with their true-self. Their mind will compensate for this by looking towards other people for cues about how they should behave. Two Outcomes This may mean that they don’t come across as confident; then again, they may come across as though they have it all together. If they come across as confident, it will be a lot harder another person to realise that they don’t feel comfortable in their own skin. But regardless of how they come across, they are not going to feel comfortable enough to reveal who they really are. If they were to let go of the mask that they wear around others, they might end up feeling overwhelmed Protection Wearing this mask will stop them from being able to fully show up when they are around others, but that is unlikely to bother them. Deep down, they are likely to believe that if they were to reveal themselves, they would end up being rejected and abandoned by others. Putting on an act is then going to be a way for them to cover up how flawed they are and to be accepted by others. They will believe that they only have two options: to reveal who they are and end up being cast aside, or play a role and be included by others. From The Outside If another person was to find out about what is taking place within them, they might find it hard to understand what is going on. As far as they are concerned, one could just be seen as another human being. In their eyes, there will be absolutely no reason for them to feel as though there is anything wrong with them. And, even if they have made a few mistakes in life, it still doesn’t mean that they should feel this way. An Analogy When one experiences life in this way, shame is not going to be something that comes and goes - it will be something that has permeated their whole being. It is then going to be the difference between being splashed by water and being in water. Being splashed by water won’t have much of an effect on someone, but being in water will have a big effect on them. Likewise, experiencing shame from time to time is unlikely to cause one too many problems, but being loaded up with shame certainly will. Stuck From the outside, it can look as though one has about as much freedom to express themselves as anyone else; nonetheless, one is not going to feel free. Thanks to how they experience life, it will be as if they are in an invisible prison. But, due to how worthless they feel, they might not even try to do anything to break free from their invisible prison. The mere thought of reaching to others for support could fill them with fear and anxiety. What Is Going On? Someone like this is unlikely to believe that hell is an afterlife location, as it will be something that they are experiencing right now. They will be in a bad way, yet they might feel too bad about themselves do anything about it. It is highly likely that what took place during their childhood years played the biggest part in how they are experiencing life. Perhaps this was a time when they were abused and/or neglected. Awareness Their caregivers may have also carried a lot of shame, causing them to gradually pass this shame onto them. At this age, one wouldn’t have been able to realise that how their caregivers treated them was not a reflection of their own worth. If one is loaded up with toxic shame, and they want to change their life, they will most likely need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Just as there are some people who experience fear from time to time, there are also some people who experience it on a regular basis. Due to this, their experience on this earth is likely to be radically different.
One way of looking at this would be to say that when it comes to the former, someone will be functioning in the right way. Experiencing life in this way is undoubtedly going to be far better for their health. A Sense of Control Being this way may give one a sense of being in control themselves, with them having the ability to respond to life as opposed to react to it. Thus, if they do experience fear, it will typically be a sign that their life could be under threat. For example, one could be driving and another car could suddenly pull out in front of them, or they could be walking down a dark ally and hear someone running. In these cases, it will be perfectly normal for them to experience fear. Moving On If, however, they didn’t experience anything when something like this happened, it could show that something is wrong with them. Yet, a little after while something like this has occurred, they will soon settle down again. One is then not going to stay stuck in this state of being; they will move away from it and go back to how they were before this incident took place. There will then be a clear difference when it comes to how they feel during a time like this and how they usually feel. A Whole Human Being This would have been a time when part of their brain took over, stopping other parts of their brain from being able to function properly. Now that a few moments have past, the rest of their brain will be able to come back online. One will be able to settle back down in their body, being aware of their thoughts, feelings and sensations. This would have most likely been a time when they were breathing from their chest but now they will be breathing from their stomach. Back In A moment like this is then not going to have much of an impact on their life. What someone like this may also find is that they don’t get drawn into all the dramas that the mainstream media talks about. Getting worked up and being loaded with adrenalin all the time is not going to appeal to them. What will feel comfortable is feeling at peace, which will have a positive effect on their wellbeing and allow them to embrace life. A Different Reality So, when it comes to the latter, and one experiences fear on a regular basis, it could be said that they won’t be functioning in the right way. One is not just going to experience fear during the moments when their life could be under threat, they will experience it even when it isn’t. Through experiencing life in this way, one is rarely, if ever, going to feel as though they have control over their life. It can generally seem as though they are just moments away from being completely annihilated. Offline Both their thinking and emotional brain is likely to spend a lot of time being out of use, with them spending a lot of time being stuck in their survival brain. Breathing from their chest can then be the norm. And while all this is going on within them, there could be very little taking place without. In other words, one could be in a very peaceful environment, away from harm, only to be acting as though their life is under threat. Another Part Along with this, one could end up seeking out things that will reinforce what is taking place within them. For example, they may find that they are drawn to violent newscasts, horror films and people who are dangerous. Therefore, while part of them is not going to want to experience life in this way and will be in a place of resistance, another part of them will do what it can to make sure that it continues. On one level, then, one will want their life to change, but at a deeper level, this will be what feels comfortable. A Bizarre Scenario This can sound totally unbelievable; after all, why would someone crave something that is so destructive? What this comes down to is that the ego mind can end up feeling comfortable with anything. It doesn’t matter whether something is healthy or safe; what matters is if it is familiar, as what is familiar is what is classed as what is safe. Once this is understood, it will be a lot easier to understand why someone would live in a way that is life-denying. A Strong Attachment Perhaps there was a time in one’s life when they lived in an environment that wasn’t safe, yet they might not have been able to do anything about it. For arguments sake, let’s say that this was during their childhood years. Through spending day after day, year after year experiencing fear, this would have gradually become what was familiar and therefore, what felt safe. So, even though it wouldn’t have done them any good, it would have become a big part of who they were. Awareness At a deeper level, no longer experiencing fear is going to be seen as a threat to their survival. But if they have experienced life in this way for so long and it has become part of their identity (how they see themselves), it is not going to be a surprise for them to wonder who they would be if they were to no longer experience so much fear. Taking all this into account, there will be the need for them to resolve the trauma that is within them, and they will need to gradually let go of the identity that they have formed around it. This can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperTeacher, Author, Transformational Writer & Consultant - With Over 1,712,000 Article Views Online. My Books...
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One
Trapped Emotions
Childhood
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part Two
Toxic Shame
Abandonment
Child Abuse
A Dialogue With The Spirit
Trapped Grief
Why Does He Behave That Way? Why Do I Behave This Way?
Boundaries
Inner Child
Childhood Trauma
People Pleasing
Loyalty
Trauma
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