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If someone is suffering both mentally and emotionally, and certain areas of their life are not going in the right direction, they can end up reaching out for support. Assuming that this takes place, they can find a therapist or healer to work with.
What this will show is that they no longer want to experience life in this way and want to move forward. Now, when they work with someone, this can be a time when they will change what is going on in their mind. Another Level Then again, it might go further than this as they might be encouraged to explore what is going on for them at an emotional level. If so, they will be changing ‘negative’ thoughts, questioning what they believe and working through emotional wounds. Additionally, they could work through unresolved survival responses and the arousal that goes with them. If they do work on each of these levels, it could be said that they will be getting to the root of what is going on for them. A Big Impact After they have been working with someone for a number of months, they could find that their mental and emotional health improves. The areas of their life that were not going in the right direction could also start to go in the right direction. As a result, the time, energy and money that they have directed toward changing themselves will have paid off. Before long, they might decide to stop having therapy or healing, or, at the very least, to take a break. One Outcome As the days, weeks and months pass, their mental and emotional health could continue to stay at the same level. As for the areas of their life that have improved, these areas could get even better. Thanks to this, they could be greatly relieved and grateful that they have been able to change their inner and outer world. When they thought about the future before, they might have been filled with dread but now, they can be filled with a sense of hope and excitement. Another Outcome Alternatively, as the days, weeks and months pass, their mental and emotional health could start to go back to how it was before. The areas of their life that have improved could start to go back to how they were before; that is, of course, if they have improved. Consequently, they could wonder what is going on. What might enter their mind is that they need to work with the therapist or healer again. One Angle One way of looking at this would be to say that old wounds have been unlocked and they need to work through these wounds. Once this has taken place, they will rise up once again. Another way of looking at this would be to say that the progress that they made didn’t last because it was primarily due to transference. What this means is that when they were working with a therapist or healer, they unconsciously saw this person as their mother and/or father. A Closer Look By doing this, they were deceived into believing that they were receiving what they had missed out on during their formative years. What this shows is that a big part of them has no sense of time and is blind. This is why it wasn’t able to realise that it was too late to meet these needs and that the therapist or healer was not their parent or parents. If it wasn’t too late, spending time with someone who is present, attentive and caring would transform them. A Key Part Taking this into account, for them to truly move forward, it will be essential for their unmet developmental needs to be made conscious and expressed. If these needs remain hidden and unexpressed, they are likely to go around in circles. Their unmet developmental needs may have also played a part in why they worked with a certain therapist or healer. For example, if they were greatly deprived by their mother, it may have caused them to work with a woman, and, if they were deprived by their father, it may have caused them to work with a man. Another Outcome At the same time, if they only felt safe around their mother, they might have preferred to work with a woman, or vice versa. And, even if they did work with a woman, they might have still been trying to receive the love that they missed out on from their father, and if they worked with a man, they might have tried to receive the love that they missed out on from their mother. This is then not something that is black and white. Furthermore, transference is not something that is bad; it is simply a way for them to become aware of what they need to resolve to become whole and complete. Awareness What this illustrates is that even though someone feels better, it doesn’t mean that they have truly changed. The changes that they do make can largely be a consequence of them having been deceived by their unconscious mind. However, when it is understood that someone’s unmet development needs can have a big impact, these needs can be explored and then expressed and integrated. Along with this, there will be pain for them to face and work through.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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When it comes to living a fulfilling life, one thing that is often mentioned is having an open heart. Or, perhaps to be more accurate, this is what is often mentioned in the world of self-development and spirituality.
What this typically relates to is someone being connected to how they feel and allowing their feelings to guide them. Therefore, instead of being directed by their mind and their thoughts, they will be directed by their heart and their feelings. Another Element Along with this, being this way will allow them to not only be loving but to also let love in. They are then going to have a positive impact on the world and the world will be able to have a positive impact on them. There will be how they behave around their friends, family and partner, that is, of course, if they have one, and how they behave when they are around strangers. And, when these people are loving towards them, they will be able to receive their love. Two Benefits If someone is not open-hearted, then, there are going to be at least two reasons for them to change this. First, their life will improve, and, second, they will make the world a better place. Taking this into account, if someone can see that their heart is not open and they want to open it, they can look for a way to do this. Thanks to the internet, they are likely to come across a number of ways. A Few Steps So, one thing that they could learn is that they need to start bringing their awareness out of their head and into their heart. Doing this will allow them to gradually develop a stronger connection with this part of them. Additionally, they could learn about how important it is for them to forgive themselves and others. The purpose of this is that it will make it easier for them to be loving toward themselves and others. A New Experience Taking these steps as well as others may allow them to gradually live from their heart. If so, they could soon be amazed by how different their life is and be filled with gratitude. Furthermore, some of the people in their life could notice how different they are and be full of praise. They may also find that some of their relationships improve, while others fall away. A Different Energy Now that they are becoming a more connected human being, they won’t be the same person as they were before. Naturally, this will have an impact on their relationships. It might seem as though people would only respond positively to this shift but there is a reason why this won’t be the case. What this comes down to is that although they will be more loving, this can bring up issues in other people. Resistance For example, if another person only feels comfortable being treated badly and experiencing conflict, they are likely to be repelled by the opposite. This might not take place straight away but it can as time passes. At a conscious level, they will probably want to experience love and harmony, but, at a deeper level, most likely due to their unresolved early wounds, they won’t be able to accept this. Without this understanding, though, they can believe that they are simply unlucky or are being punished, for instance. Another scenario Anyway, they may find that even though they are doing a number of things to become more connected to their heart, they are still unable to live from this place. They can find that it’s often hard for them to connect with this part of them and feel their feelings. Instead, they can continue to live in their head and be directed by their thoughts and fears. If so, they can be deeply frustrated and believe that they are not trying hard enough. Being Curious During this time, it will be important for them to keep in mind that they are doing the best that they can and to be kind and compassionate to themselves. As this approach is not working, there is a strong chance that they need to try another approach. What this can show is that they don’t feel safe enough to be connected to their heart and their feelings. With this in mind, as opposed to them trying to ‘open’ their heart, it will be important for them to look into why their heart is ‘closed’. Going Deeper This can show that at one stage of their life, they were deeply traumatised, and this then caused them to disconnect from their body and live in their head. Consequently, they would have lost touch with their feelings and instincts, with them shutting down and closing up to protect themselves. Perhaps they were wounded and deeply deprived during their formative years, which would have stopped them from developing a felt sense of safety, amongst other things. Without this, they wouldn’t have felt safe enough to exist, let alone to be connected to their heart and feel their feelings. A Different Angle Therefore, it is not that they merely need to open their heart, as wonderful as this can sound; it is that they need to explore why their heart if not open. In other words, being closed-hearted is an effect and, unless the cause of this is resolved, they won’t be able to make much progress. To use an analogy, trying to open their heart without having strong foundations will be similar to someone opening a window of a house that is under siege. After seeing what’s going on, they will soon close the window and go back inside. The Bigger Picture Taking all this into account, the view that someone just needs to open their heart if it is closed is, in general, a trauma-uninformed outlook. It is closed for a reason and it will take time for it to not only be opened but for it to stay open. They are likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and arousal to release. This is something that will take courage, patience, and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In the self-development world, it is often said that the past only exists in someone’s mind. Therefore, if they often think about what they have been through and this is causing them to suffer, they just need to change what is taking place in this part of them.
Now, what can’t be denied is that what they went through is over, it is not possible for them to go back in time and change what happened. The only moment that they have is now and soon, what they are experiencing will be another memory. It’s Clear With this in mind, it makes sense that it would be said that someone’s past only exists in their mind. So, if they have the tendency to think about their past, they will need to change their ‘negative’ thoughts. By replacing their ‘negative’ thoughts with ‘positive’ thoughts, they will gradually be able to let go of their past. How long this will take can all depend on how caught up they are in the past and how their mind responds to this approach. Stepping Back However, although it can seem as though their past only exists in their mind, what if there is far more to it? What if what is going on in their mind is a sign that other parts of them are also caught up in their past? If they believe that they begin and end with their thinking brain or their conscious sense of themselves, this might be hard for them to accept. As far as they are concerned, there won’t be another or other parts of them that will impact what is going on in their mind. A Small Part of Them In reality, their mind will just be a small part of them; it won’t be where they begin and end. Along with this part of them, there will be their limbic system, brainstem and body. Another way of looking at this would be to say that, in addition to their conscious mind, there will be their unconscious mind. Considering this, if their mind is continually caught up with what took place in their past, it is likely to show that other parts of them are carrying the impact that their past had on them. The past is present What this will illustrate is that while what they experienced in their past will be in the past, the impact that it had on them won’t be. Yet, as the impact that it had on them will have been repressed and will be outside of their conscious awareness, it will naturally seem as though their ‘negative’ thoughts are the only issue. Their ‘negative’ thoughts will mainly be a symptom of what is going on for them at a deeper level. Thus, in the same way that weeds have roots and don’t just appear; their ‘negative’ thoughts will have roots and won’t have just appeared. Disconnected The trouble is that as they are likely to live in a society that is mind-centric, there will be no reason for them to look deeper. The approaches that are available in this society, at least in the mainstream, will largely be a reflection of this inner disconnection. This can be seen as a sign that this is a society that is not trauma-informed as one thing that trauma does is create an inner disconnection. Unknowingly, then, this society, as a result of being made up of people who are traumatised to one degree or another, will typically focus on the mind and overlook the body. Another Element It will also be a society that is not repression-informed, which is why what is going on in their mind will be seen as the only issue as opposed to a sign that they are likely to be carrying pain. As opposed to their mind being a problem, then, it can be seen as a messenger. The key, of course, is for them to be able to look beyond their thoughts and explore what is going on at a deeper level. To use an analogy, one way to see their ‘negative’ thoughts would be to say that these are the ‘smoke’ and the pain that is likely to be held in their body is the ‘fire’. Two Levels Ego, if they simply change their ‘negative’ thoughts in order to become more present, this won’t allow them to put out the fire that is burning outside of their conscious awareness. The only thing that this is likely to do is to build defences that block out the feedback that is trying to get through to them. And, as this repressed material can’t go up, it can end up staying down and going outward, and undermine their physical health instead. In the same way that a dog can’t speak to them using words, the other parts of their brain and body can’t speak to them using words either; but these other parts can speak to them by putting pressure on their mind, for instance, and, thereby, create the impression that this part of them is the issue. Reading between the Lines This is why it is important for them to go beyond this part of them and to look into why this part is often producing these ‘negative’ thoughts. If they were to do this, they are likely to find that these ‘negative’ thoughts are partly a defence against pain and that they are carrying a lot of pain. This can be pain that they have experienced throughout their adult and childhood years and were unable to face and integrate and ended up being repressed. By facing and working through this pain, they are likely to find that their mind gradually settle down and they are more present. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
What can be normal is for someone to spend a lot of time looking into what the elites are doing. In their eyes, these can be seen as the people who are creating most if not all of the problems in the world.
If so, this is likely to mean that they will watch a lot of videos and read a lot of articles. They could also look toward different social media sites to keep them informed about what is going on. Two ways Along with the time that they spend taking in information, they might spend a lot of time sharing what they know with just about anyone who will listen. Then again, they might only share what they know with some of the people in their life. If there is at least one person in their life who has the same or a very similar outlook as they do, this can be the main thing that they talk about when they get together. This can be a time when both of them will experience anger and perhaps rage. No Different But, even when they are not talking to this friend or anyone else about this area, this is likely to be an emotional experience that they are familiar with. So, when they are thinking about this area or taking in information about what is going on, they can be worked up. There can be times when they imagine getting revenge on the people who are harming humanity and other times when they imagine how different the world will be when these people are dealt with. Deep down, they could believe that, sooner or later, justice will be served. In The Background However, due to how much time and energy they direct into this area, other areas of their life could be overlooked and neglected. There is a chance that apart from this area, there is not much going on in their life. Yet, even if this is the case, they could believe that this is what they need to focus on as it is so important. They could believe that they are serving their fellow human beings by putting so much of their time and energy into this area and doing what they can to ‘wake’ people up. Stepping Back Now, at this point, it could be said that there are ‘bad’ people in the world who are not interested in the upliftment of their fellow human beings. Therefore, these people need to be exposed and something needs to be done about them. Once these ‘bad’ people ‘out there’ are dealt with, then, the world is likely to be very different. Nonetheless, this view can be seen as a consequence of having a very materialistic view of reality. On the Surface This view is partly a consequence of both their eyes and mind creating the impression that they are separate from everyone and everything. They are then an observer of what is going on ‘out there’. What is taking place within them is then having very little effect on their experience and what is taking place in the world. But, if this sense of separation is an illusion and what is going on inside them is shaping their reality and is influencing what is taking place in the world, there is no one and nothing ‘out there’ that truly needs to change. The Mirror It would mean that what is going on in their reality is a reflection of what is going on for them, and, when it comes to what is going on in the world, it is a reflection of what is going on for them and their fellow human beings. With this in mind, purely focusing on and trying to change the external would be like trying to change a shadow. To their disconnected mind, this approach would be seen as the right thing to do but they would be being deceived. Still, as they are likely to live in a society that is also a manifestation of the illusion of separation, they are unlikely to be encouraged to change their inner world to change their outer world. Another Factor But, with that aside, what can play a part in why they are focused on the bad ‘out there’ and want justice can be because of what they are trying to resolve from their early years. To their unconscious mind, the ‘bad’ people ‘out there’ can represent the person or people who harmed them during their formative years. Yet, as this is not something that they are consciously aware of, it will be as though they are just focused on what is going on ‘out there’ as it is the right thing to do. Yet, as these people are not the person or people who harmed them and this stage of their life is over, it won’t matter what happens externally as it won’t change what is going on for them internally. Another Route A big part of them will need to have an enemy or a number of enemies as this will be a way for them to try to receive what they missed out on as a child. This part of them won’t want peace and quiet. Without this understanding, their conscious mind will want the world to be different but their unconscious mind won't. And, as they are so caught up in the ‘bad’ that is ‘out there and experience a lot of ‘negative’ feelings, it is clear to see how much of an influence this part of them is having on their behaviour. Awareness For them to no longer unconsciously recreate their early experiences and let go of looking for what they missed out on, they are likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience, and persistence. If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone were to think about something that they wanted to attain or experience, they could soon think about what it is that they need to do to achieve their goal. So, a number of steps could enter their mind, and, before long, they could take the first step.
As the days, weeks and perhaps months pass, they can see how far they have come and how close they are to having what they want. Further, they could generally be full of self-belief and know that it’s only a matter of time before they hit their target. A Smooth process Assuming that this does take place, they could end up having even more self-belief and think about what they would like to achieve next. This could show that they are used to achieving their goals. Alternatively, they could take action but find that they are unable to make much progress. Or, they could end up making progress and even getting close to their goal, only to end up going backwards. A Frustrating Experience Due to this, even if they started off feeling confident and believed that they had what it takes to achieve their goal, they will now be in a very different place. This might not be the first time that this has taken place either, with them continually ending up in this position. What could make this harder to handle is that there could be people in their life who don’t appear to have the same issue. They could come to the conclusion that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back. Another Angle However, although it may seem as though someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back or that they are simply unlucky, what if there is more to it? What if what is going on within them is what is actually holding them back? What this comes down to is that it is not just what they do that defines what they experience; this is just one part. What is going on for them internally is the other part, with this being the most important. Two Parts When they think about what they want to achieve, their mind will create the impression that it is ‘out there’. Based on this, they are separate from what they want and need to do the right things to attain it. In reality, this is an illusion that their mind creates as they are not separate from anyone or anything. And, as they are not separate from what they want to attain, it means that the doing part is only part of what will allow them to have what they want. The Other Part Along with what they do, their inner world will need to energetically align with what it is that they want. As, in addition to them not being separate from anyone or anything, they, along with everyone and everything ’out there’, are made up of vibrating energy. Therefore, although they, and everyone and everything else, will appear to be solid, this is not the case. This is why they can do all the right things but if they are not vibrating at the same frequency as what they want to attain, they won’t be able to achieve their goal or if they do, they won’t be able to sustain it for very long. The Next Step If they are on board with this and are able to accept that they and everyone and everything else is made up of vibrating energy, they could wonder how they can energetically align themselves with what it is that they want to attain. Right now, this could appear to be something that is more or less impossible. But, while this may appear to be impossible, they simply need to use their imagination. By imagining what it would be like to have what they want, they will be energetically aligning themselves with what they want. All the Parts This will then be a time when all their senses are involved, and they will think and feel as though they already have what they want. They will then be resonating at the same frequency as what they want to attain or experience. Their mind could kick in at this point and say that they are imagining something that is not real. Nonetheless, this doesn’t matter as there is only the now moment, which is why they have to imagine that they already have what they want to attain or are experiencing what they want to experience. Magnetism Naturally, as their mind creates the impression that there is a past, present and future, it is to be expected that this part of them would struggle to accept that there is only now. And, by using their imagination in this way and energetically aligning with what they want to attain or experience, what they want will start to want them. This is not something that they will need to do once and that’s the end of it, though; they will need to continually do this. If they start to notice that they are getting frustrated and are strongly attached to having or experiencing something, this will create a block as they will no longer be energetically aligned. Awareness The other part of this will be for them to take inspired action, as opposed to action that is coming from a place of desperation or force. Additionally, they may have emotional wounds to face and resolve. The reason for this is that they don’t just begin and end with their conscious mind and what is going on for them at a deeper level can hold them back. For example, deep down, they might not feel safe enough or worthy of having or experiencing something.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk False Self: Can Someone Create An Identity In Order To Meet Their Unmet Developmental Needs?19/11/2023
In the same way that someone can more or less always wear the same outfit, they can also more or less always behave in the same way. And, as part of how they behave, they can also typically wear the same type of clothes.
They are then going to be a whole human being that has many different sides, but, based on how they usually behave, this won’t be clear. Naturally, this is going to restrict them and limit their ability to freely express themselves. For Example So, if they are a man, they can generally come across as assertive, certain, and unemotional. Along with this, they can generally wear tight fitting clothes that allow them to show off their physique. On the other hand, if they are a woman, they can generally come across as easy-going, uncertain and emotional. Along with this, they can generally wear clothing that is fairly revealing and allows them to show off their physique. A Few More Alternatively, and regardless of what their sex is, they can generally come across as intelligent and well-informed. They might also have the tendency to dress in a manner that gives the impression that they are intelligent. Then again, they can generally come across as easy-going, caring and selfless. As for their appearance, they might have the tendency to dress well or they might not. The norm Now, regardless of how they typically behave and dress, this can just be what is normal. If so, they probably won’t question why they have the inclination to behave or dress in this way. But, if they were to think about why they are this way, they could say that this is just who they are. Therefore, they will simply be expressing themselves and there will be no other way for them to be. Stepping Back If, however, they were to arrive at the stage where behaving and perhaps dressing as they typically do no longer felt as comfortable, they could wonder why they are this way. They could feel restricted and unable to freely express themselves. Still, if they were to merely imagine changing their behaviour and dressing differently, they could experience fear and anxiety. What could also cross their mind is that they will no longer be accepted. A Closer Look What this is likely to show is that the identity that they have created is partly a way for them to receive what they missed out on during their formative years. Then again, this is unlikely to be something that they consciously chose to create. Instead, it was probably something that they unconsciously created and has been kept in place ever since due to what it allows them to receive. The trouble is that while it will allow them to meet certain needs, it will cause other needs to be overlooked. Going Deeper If they typically play the role of being overly masculine or feminine, for instance, it is likely that this will allow them to meet the same needs. Deep down, this can allow them to feel loved, accepted and as though they belong. What this will illustrate is that a big part of them believes that this will only take place if they play a certain role. If they were to freely express themselves, then, this wouldn’t take place. Back In Time As an adult, of course, there will be their adult need to be loved, accepted and to feel as though they belong. Nonetheless, if they were deprived during their formative years, they won’t have learnt that this is something that can take place by themselves. Furthermore, if they were deeply deprived throughout this stage of their life, they won’t have a sense of wholeness. Said another way, they will be empty and be looking for things that other adults are unable to provide them. Conditional Love Other adults, with their own needs and issues, won’t always be able to love and accept them. Moreover, another person can do this in one moment but they might not be able to do this in another. This is why trying to meet their unmet development needs in a conditional world is going to be both exhausting and frustrating. Along with this, as it will be too late for them to meet their unmet developmental needs, not to mention that other adults won’t be their parent or parents, they will never truly be able to fill the hole that is inside them. An Illusion But, thanks to transference, the attention, acceptance and approval that they receive from others, by playing a role, will cause their unconscious mind will believe that they are receiving what they missed out on all those years ago. Symbolically, then, certain people will represent their mother and perhaps their father. When it comes to what their early years were like, this may have been a time when both their mother and perhaps father were emotionally unavailable and unable to provide them with what they needed. Yet, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them and that they would only be loved if they hid themselves and behaved in a certain way. A continuation The years would then have passed and the role that they play may have changed and perhaps become more adult like but it will be a role nevertheless. What they can keep in mind is that how they were treated was a reflection of what was going on for their mother and perhaps father – it was not a reflection of their worth or lovability. Due to what they experienced, in addition to their unmet developmental needs, they are likely to carry a lot of pain. Facing and working through this pain and experiencing these unmet developmental needs is likely to take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this can they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone was greatly deprived during their formative years, they are likely to be carrying a lot of pain and a number of unmet developmental needs. This is, of course, assuming that they haven’t started to work through any of this pain.
The reason for this is that missing out on the love that they needed would have deeply wounded them. To handle what was going on, their brain would have repressed the pain that they were in. One Priority Instead of this being a time, then, when they felt safe, wanted and supported and were able to go through each development stage, it would have been a time when they felt unsafe, unwanted and unsupported and were unable to go through each developmental stage. Their need to freely express themselves would have been replaced by their need to survive. So, if they were born with a strong connection with themselves, this would have gradually been lost. And, in this environment, if they had stayed connected to how they felt and reality, it would have just caused them to suffer even more. Shutting Down By losing touch with their feelings and reality, it would have made it easier to handle what was going on. Ultimately, as they were powerless and totally dependent, they were unable to change their parent or parents or to find a family that could love them. Becoming an unfeeling human being and disconnecting from reality, allowed part of them to get away from what was going on. Therefore, they wouldn’t have actually left but part of them would have no longer been aware of the pain that they were in or what their reality was like. Hidden Now that they are an adult, their conscious mind will have more or less forgotten about what took place and most if not all of the pain that they experienced will be kept out of their conscious awareness. Along with this, there can be the pain that has been repressed throughout their adult years. Due to this, they will be a whole human being but they won’t be able to operate as one. Yet, as living in this way is likely to be what is normal, they are unlikely to realise that they are living on the surface of themselves. Another Factor Additionally, just about every area of their life could serve as a secondary defence that helps to keep their repressed pain at bay. So, they could practically always be on the go and be surrounded by people who are also estranged from themselves. Being on the go will stop them from having to be with themselves and keep them focused on the external world. As for being around others who are in the same position, they are unlikely to talk about anything that might direct them to their own feelings. The Catalyst Nonetheless, even though how they live can allow them to live on the surface of themselves and keep their pain at bay, they might not be able to live in this way forever. Sooner or later, something could take place that will force them to face what they have unconsciously been avoiding. For example, they could experience a breakup or lose a loved one and, after this, their inner defences could gradually crumble. At this point, what has been held inside their conscious mind will pour into their conscious mind. Two Extremes Consequently, they can go from someone who is unfeeling to someone who is overwhelmed by their feelings. To use an analogy: they will have gone from living in a lighthouse and looking down at the sea, to being in the sea and struggling to handle the waves. As this will be an experience that they are so unfamiliar with, at least as an adult, they could wonder what is going on. They could find that they feel like a powerless and dependent child, not an adult. Back In Time From this, it will be clear that although many, many years have passed since they were a child, their emotional self hasn’t changed. But, as they were unable to develop a strong connection with this part of them as a result of a lack of love and having to repress the pain they were in, they would have been deceived into thinking that this pain had disappeared and that they had moved on from this stage of their life. This shows that repression allowed them to remove their pain from their conscious awareness but what it didn’t do is allow them to truly move on. To use an analogy: it will be as if they had been able to turn away from something that was painful and, thereby, to believe that what was painful had disappeared; when in reality, it was still behind them. The Next Stage The time will now have come for them to face and work through this pain as they will no longer be able to avoid it. Fortunately, now that they are an adult, they will be far stronger than when they were as a child and they will be able to reach out for support if they need it. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone was to observe their thoughts for a little while, they can find that they often think about bad things happening in the future. Consequently, they are likely to experience a fair amount of fear and anxiety.
And, if they were to talk to a friend about what is going on for them, they could be told that being this way is not serving them. This friend could also suggest that they start to focus on positive things taking place. Another Part What this friend could make clear is that what they imagine not only has an impact on how they feel but it also has an effect on their life. Therefore, if they constantly focus on negative things happening to them, they are going to experience negative things and vice versa. After this, they could start to imagine positive things taking place and they could soon find that their life changes. At the same time, they could make an effort to be more positive but they could soon go back to how they were before. One Outlook If so, one way of looking at this would be to say that they lack willpower and are not committed enough. They are then going to want to change their life but this desire won’t be strong enough. Alternatively, it could be said that they want to change their life but that they need to try another approach. Purely focusing on what is going on in their mind is not going to be the way for them to move forward. Stepping Back What this comes down to is that although the mind/intellect is usually the point of focus when it comes to making changes, this is not the only part of the brain that plays a part in how they experience life. In addition to this part of them, there is the impact that their limbic system and brainstem have. Said another way, they are not purely a walking cortex; there is so much more to them. Having this understanding creates the space for additional questions to be asked and new answers to be attained. A faulty Mind Taking into account that they don’t begin and end with their cortex and there are other parts of their brain that shape their experience, it can show that there is another reason that they continually imagine negative scenarios. As opposed to them lacking willpower and not being committed enough, other parts of their brain can be trying to send them a message. By coming from this position, it will be possible to explore what this message may be and to take the necessary steps. Without it, their intellect can just be seen as playing up for no reason or even as doing what it can to undermine them. A Different Type of Communication One of the things that make it hard to become aware of let alone explore these messages, in addition to the fact that the intellect is largely the point of focus in today’s world, is that, unlike their intellect, these other parts of their brain – parts that are also older - don’t communicate via words. However, these other parts of their brain do have an effect on the part of them that does communicate via words. Taking this into account, if their mind/intellect is continually causing them to imagine negative scenarios, what needs to be looked into is what is going on in the other parts of their brain. One thing that this can show is that what they imagine will happen in the future relates to what has already happened or a variation of it. The Past Is Present But, although it has already happened, as they haven’t resolved the impact that what happened had on them, it is seen by their system as something that will happen. What is going on for them at a mental level can then appear to be ‘irrational’ and, in the here and now it will be, but it will be a sign that they have inner wounds to resolve. If this is not taken into consideration, they can just end up using their intellect to suppress the information that is rising up from other parts of their brain and will be killing the messenger, so to speak. This might allow them to function but it certainly won’t allow them to become a more integrated and whole human being. Going Deeper What will allow this to take place is if they were to connect the information that other parts of their brain are trying to send to them and explore what is going on for them at a deeper level. For example, if they often imagine being left, they could soon find that they were often left throughout their formative years. And/or, they could find that they often imagine their life coming to an end, and once again, this could be how they often felt as a child. This illustrates how their brain blocks things out to protect them, causing them to be unaware as a result. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although someone has needs that they need to pay attention to in order to live a fulfilling life, they can overlook a number of their needs. In fact, they might not even be aware of a number of their needs.
Therefore, they won’t be consciously choosing to be this way; it will just be what is normal. Thanks to this, a number of their needs are rarely if ever going to be met. Self-neglect So, this can mean that they will spend a lot of time working and seldom take the time to rest and recharge. From practically the moment they wake up until the moment they go to bed, then, they could be on the go. And, if they were to slow down and take it easy, they could soon feel agitated and have the need to get things done. From this, it will be clear that while they have no trouble doing, it is an issue for them to just be. No Different If they were told that they need to go on holiday for a rest and even if they just went away, this is unlikely to occur. This can be a time when they will largely be caught up with what is going on at home or working on things remotely. Or, if they do take it easy, their mind can be caught up with what they should be doing and plan to do when they get back home. It is then not going to be possible for them to truly embrace their time away. Worn Down Over time, by not being connected to and able to meet a number of their needs, they could end up becoming unwell. This can be a time when they will feel totally washed out and exhausted. As bad as this will be, though, it could just be a sign of what is to come if they don’t develop a better relationship with their own needs and take care of the needs that they have been neglecting. If they are able to pay attention to the message that is being given to them and make the necessary changes, they might be able to change the direction of their life. Another Route Alternatively, if they go back to how they were before, it might not be long until they have a very similar experience or an experience that is far worse. But, if it is similar, it might be a lot harder for them to get back on their feet. On the other hand, if it is a lot worse, they might not be able to go back to how they were before. At this point, they could wonder why they are in such a bad way and are unable to carry on as before. One Conclusion They might even believe that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them down. It can then be as if they are living in the right way but are being punished unfairly. This is an outlook that can also be supported by the people in their life. These people can believe that they work hard and perhaps do a lot for others but are very unlucky, for instance. Stepping Back Now, irrespective of if what is going on for them is worse than it has been before, they will have to rest. This could even be a time when, as unwell as they are, they are able to rest to a level that they haven’t been able to rest before or perhaps not for a very long time. Before long, what might enter their mind is that they have been out of balance and haven’t taken the time to take care of a number of their other needs. This can be seen as the best-case scenario as it will allow them to gradually change their life. A Strange Experience When it comes to why they are this way, there is a chance that they were made to feel ashamed of their needs during their formative years. Furthermore, this is also likely to have been when they lost touch with a number of their needs. This may have been a time when one or both of their parents was unable to attune to their needs and was caught up with their own. The outcome of this is that, as they were egocentric, they would have come to see their needs as being bad and gradually disconnected from a number of them. False Self To handle what was going on, they would have had to focus on their parent's needs and to be who they wanted them to be. As the years passed, they would have gone from focusing on this parent or focusing on them less, to focusing on the needs of others. Naturally, for them to have been able to grow and develop in the right way, they needed an attuned parent who could generally provide them with what they needed. This would have allowed them to stay connected to themselves and for this connection to be strengthened. A New Experience How they have behaved as an adult will be a continuation of how they had to behave as a child. For their life to change, they will need to reconnect to their needs and to know that their needs are not bad. Awareness If someone can realer to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, a lot is often said about having the ‘right mindset’ and being mentally strong. By having the right mindset and being mentally strong, someone will be more likely to achieve their goals and handle the challenges that come their way.
Naturally, if someone sees themselves and the world in a certain way, they are going to be more likely to do well in life. And, when they have the ability to handle different setbacks, challenges and stressors, they will have what it takes to overcome the hurdles that arise and keep going. The Priority If, then, someone is in a position where their mindset is not very supportive and they are generally not mentally strong, it will be essential for them to do what they can to change this. By taking this step, they will gradually be able to live a life that is far more fulfilling. Now, if they were to look into what they can do to change their mindset and become more resilient, they are likely to come across a lot of information that is very mind-centric. In other words, the main way for them to make progress in both of these areas will be for them to change what is taking place in their mind. The Focus So, they can learn about how important their beliefs and thoughts are and how it is these elements that largely define how they see themselves and how mentally stable they are. As a result of this, it will be important for them to question what they believe and to ‘manage’ their thoughts. By doing the first thing, they will start to see themselves and the world differently, and, by doing the second thing, they will be able to control their emotions. Along with this, they could learn about how effective meditation is when it comes to settling their mind down. A Process As the days, weeks, and months go by, and they continue to question what they believe and develop new beliefs and to manage their thoughts, they could find that their life is different to how it was before. Not only this, but it could be a lot easier for them to handle the hurdles that appear. To help with this, they might have also started exercising regularly, spending more time with friends and having very brief cold showers. Thanks to what they have achieved so far, then, it will be clear that if they hadn’t changed what was going on in their mind, their life wouldn’t have changed. Stepping Back However, someone else could try this approach and it might not have the same impact on them. If so, they could believe that this proves how ‘negative’ their mindset is and how ‘mentally weak’ they are and that they lack something that other people have. Unlike those that try this approach and are able to make progress, they will be a lost cause. After this, they could end up feeling very low and wonder if their life will ever change. A Different Angle Assuming that this is what is going on for them, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are missing something that other people have. What it could simply show is that they are carrying a lot of pain and that this pain is undermining them. The trouble is that due to how much of a focus there is on the mind, it is as though someone begins and ends with their conscious mind. Thus, if they have a ‘negative’ mind and are not mentally strong, it is because of what is taking place in this part of them. Not a Surprise Yet, if who they are is seen as beginning and ending with their conscious mind, it is to be expected that this part of them would be the point of focus. Nonetheless, in addition to their conscious mind, they also have an unconscious mind. Said another way, as well as their frontal cortex, there are also other parts of their brain. What is going on for them outside of their conscious awareness and in other parts of their brain is having an impact on how they see themselves and others and on how mentally strong they are. Going Deeper When it comes to what is going on outside of their conscious sense of themselves and is behind the scenes, so to speak, there will be the pain that their brain has repressed. Their brain will have done this to allow them to keep it together and function. Yet, even though this pain will have been repressed, it will still affect their conscious sense of themselves and how they experience life. Moreover, as they are finding it hard to be resilient, it is likely to show that their brain’s ability to keep this pain at bay is not very effective. For Example Meditating, having different beliefs and thinking positive, for instance, can aid in keeping this pain out of someone’s conscious mind and thereby, allow someone to have a different view of themselves and others and lead to greater resilience. Yet, what was knocking on the door, so to speak, won’t have been dealt with; it will have just been blocked out. With that aside, this repressed pain can cause them to feel overwhelmed, have automatic and ‘irrational’ thoughts, feel bad and be anxious, among other things. This pain can be a consequence of what they have experienced and not resolved as an adult and when they were a child. Living on the Surface Ultimately, the brain’s priority is to allow someone to keep it together and function, so that they can pass on their genes. It is then not designed to make sure that they face what they have repressed and gradually become a more integrated human being. With this in mind, it makes sense as to why there is such a focus on the conscious mind and why the unconscious mind is largely overlooked in both the mainstream and even when it comes to the helping professions. Without being aware of it and irrespective of how smart the intellect appears to be, an outlook and the numerous approaches that are available will be a consequence of the need to avoid pain. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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