Individuation: Can Developmental Trauma Cause To Feel Comfortable Being An Extension Of Others?18/8/2022
Just because someone acts as though they are an extension of others, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this. Furthermore, even if they were to become aware of this, it doesn’t mean that they would be able to simply change their behaviour.
Through being in this position, their life is going to have very little to do with most of their needs and feelings. Instead, it will have a lot to do with the needs and feelings of others or perhaps one person in particular. External Focus They are then going to have their own vehicle with which to experience life but they won’t act this way. It will be as if they are in another person’s vehicle and therefore, have the same needs and feelings and are going in the same direction as them. Another way of looking at this would be to say that they will typically be outer-directed. Whether they do or don’t do something or if they feel happy or sad, for instance, will generally be defined by what is going on externally. Disconnected In general, they might not be aware of how they feel and most of their needs could also be a mystery. By not having a strong connection to themselves, they could typically believe that the needs and feelings of others are their needs and feelings. Or to be more accurate, the needs and feelings of others can just be experienced as their own. What this is likely to show is that they have a well-developed false self that sits on top of their true self. Their Essence When it comes to their true self, this will be the part of them that will provide them with their true feelings and real needs. And, while their false self will be located in their head, their true self will be found in their body. As they live in this way, then, it will show that they typically live in their head and don’t have a strong connection with their body. This false self is going to dominate and outmuscle their true self. The Gate Keeper Until this part of them is loosed up, so to speak, and their true self is allowed to see the light of day, they will continue to abandon and betray themselves. This will stop them from being able to express who they are and live a life that is worth living. The trouble is that thanks to how strong this disconnected false self is, they are unlikely to simply wake up and see that they are living in the wrong way. Also, a big part of them is likely to do what it can to keep the feedback that shows they are living in the wrong way out of their awareness. Rock Bottom Experiencing anger, frustration and a sense of helplessness is likely to be a normal part of living in this way. But, these feelings could largely be moved out of their conscious awareness and this could mean that they often feel low and depressed. With this in mind, it could take something significant for them to realise that they are living in a way that is not serving them. What could lead them in this direction is a breakup or another kind of loss. Resistance Nonetheless, if something like this was to allow their false self to weaken and their true self to break through, they could still feel compelled to behave in the same way. This will be harder to do, of course, but the need will still be strong. If they were to think about acting as an individual and expressing themselves and no longer blending with others, being a non-entity and both embodying and expressing their needs and feelings, they could experience a lot of fear and anxiety. Due to this, it is not going to be much of a surprise that they will continue to behave in the same way. A Big Risk Being connected to their own body and living their own life should be something that feels comfortable, not something that is seen as a threat to their very survival. Until this changes, they will continue to be out of touch with themselves, focused on others and live a life that is not in alignment with who they are. At this point, they could wonder why living in a way that doesn’t serve them is what feels comfortable. They won’t live in a prison but it could be as if they are in a prison that can’t be seen. A Closer Look What this may illustrate is that their developmental years were anything but nurturing, with this being a time when they were deprived of the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Practically from the moment they were born, they may have often been left and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care. This would have greatly traumatised them and their brain would have atomically repressed the pain and arousal that they experienced to allow them to keep it together and function. Additionally, they would have gone into a shut down, disconnected, collapsed and frozen state. A Brutal Time They would then have been born with a strong connection to themselves but, through being traumatised, they would have soon lost touch with their body and, along with this, their needs and feeling and created a false self. Moreover, they wouldn’t have been able to go through each development stage and start the individuation process. Instead, they would have been born in an enmeshed state and they would have stayed this way, with them being too traumatised and estranged from their aggression/fight instinct to want to break away from their primary caregiver and to start to explore their surroundings. Staying close to and doing whatever this caregiver wanted would have been their priority. A Build Up The trauma that they experienced during this stage of their life might have also been compounded by trauma that they experienced as a child. So, as a result of what they have experienced, acting as an individual will be seen as something that will cause them to be left and for their life to end. It won’t be seen as something that they can who whilst also being supported and being able to truly thrive. For this to change, they are likely to have a lot of pain and arousal to work through. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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Even though someone will have their own life to lead, it doesn’t mean that it will be normal for them to focus on their own life. What could be normal is for them to spend a lot of time doing things for others.
Not only this, but when they are not doing things for others, they could spend a lot of time thinking about what is going on for others. It might not stop there, though, as when it comes to what they do for themselves, this might not have a lot to do with what is in alignment with their true self. Invisible But, if this is how their life has been for a very long time, there is going to be no reason for them to realise that they are living the wrong way. Their life will continue to pass them by and not a great deal will change. This doesn’t mean that they won’t suffer, though, as living in this way is not going to be very fulfilling. For example, they could have the tendency to feel low and drained but not be able to join the dots, so to speak. Outer Directed If they do, this could just be put down to them suffering from depression and perhaps having a chemical imbalance, for instance. Their attention is largely going to be on what is taking place externally. This is why they spend a lot of time doing and thinking about others and why a lot of what they do is not in alignment with their essence. By being this way, they are not going to be connected to their needs and feelings a lot of the time, which will prevent them from hearing the feedback inside them and doing what is right for them. Self-Neglect If they had a good connection to their own inner world, they would be able to see that they spend too much time doing things for and thinking about others and that what they do is typically not very fulfilling. So, although they will be an individual with their own inner world and purpose for existing, they will act as though they are merely an extension of others and are here to serve them. For their life to change, it will be essential for them to bring their attention inside themselves. Once this has taken place, they can connect to their needs and feelings and allow these two elements to direct their life. The Outcome When this takes place, they will spend less time doing things for and focusing on others and they will be able to live a life that is fulfilling. Another part of this is that this will mean that so much of their energy is no longer being directed towards others and is being directed towards themselves and their own life. However, while this can be seen as the ideal, it doesn’t mean that they will just be able to change their life. If they were to become aware of how out of balance they are and were to think about living life differently, they could experience a fair amount of fear and anxiety. A Closer Look On one side, they will want to live their own life and no longer be so absorbed in other people’s lives but, on the other, this is going to feel uncomfortable. This will illustrate that they are experiencing inner conflict. The part of them that wants their life to change won’t be as strong as the part of them that wants it to stay the same. Like an intruder, this other part of them is going to be undermining them. What’s going on? Most likely, this part of them will believe that the only way that they can survive is by being focused on and doing things for others. It is then not safe enough for them to be in their body and connected to their own needs and feelings and to be there for themselves and others. One way of looking at this would be to say that they are in a state of functional hypervigilance, where their awareness is primarily in their head and on what is going on externally. Naturally, this takes their energy away from themselves and directs it towards people and situations. Going Deeper When it comes to why they are this way, there is the chance that they grew up in an environment that was anything but safe. Perhaps this was a time when one or both of their parents were emotionally unstable and abusive in one or more ways. As a result of this, it wasn’t safe enough for them to be in their body, connected to their needs and feelings and to just be and express themselves. No, they had to leave their body and connect to the needs and feelings of those around them, be alert more or less all the time and do what would please another or others. Forced To Adapt They would then have grown up in a home but it would have been as if they grew up in a warzone. Their brain and nervous system had to go into survival mode right from the beginning and this would have stopped them from being able to grow and develop in the right way. Now that they are an adult, they will no longer live in a ‘warzone’ but their system won’t have moved on. A big part of them will still live in an environment like this and this is why they will still have such a strong need to be this way. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
What can be normal is for someone to feel helpless and as though they are unable to do anything. However, even though this is how they can generally feel and perceive life, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this.
As a result of this, being this way is going to prevent them from living a life that is fulfilling but they won’t be able to do anything about it. This will just be seen as how their life is and as something that they have to tolerate. A Connection If they were able to mentally detach from how they experience life and see that they feel helpless, they would be able to do something about what is going on. Until that takes place, they will live in an invisible prison. Another part of what can prevent them from being able to move forward is that they can unconsciously do what they can to hide what is going on for them from others. So, they could create the impression that they are fine when they are around others. A Low Place When they are by themselves, they are likely to often feel very low and even depressed. If they were aware of how they feel and to describe it, they could say that it’s as though they are in a very deep hole. During these moments, they are unlikely to feel the need to do a great deal and they may just want to sleep. To try to change how they feel, they could end up consuming something or engaging in some kind of activity. One Big Struggle When it comes to their life, they could have a job that is soul-destroying, they might not have many friends, or be in a relationship. But, as unfulfilling as these areas of their life will be, they won’t believe that they can do anything about it. Each day is then going to be a battle and getting to sleep could be difficult and it could be hard for them to get out of bed each morning. If they have a general outlook, it could be: what’s the point in trying to do anything. It’s clear Now, if they were to become aware of how they feel and reach out for support, they could soon end up being told that they are experiencing something called ‘learned helpless’. Through being in this state for so long, they won’t realise that they are not actually helpless. Furthermore, they could be told that they are likely to have experienced something that was traumatic during their adult and/or early years. This would then have been a time when they were helpless and unable to do anything. Immobilised To use an analogy, then, they are like a car that had lost its power at one point in time but now has the power to move again. But, as the car is caught up in the sense of being totally helpless, it is not possible for it to accept this. For them to get out of this state, they could be encouraged to question what they believe and to change their thoughts. In other words, what is going on at a mental level will be the area of focus. Moving Forward This approach, along with doing certain things, may allow them to gradually get out of this state and embrace their inherent power. Then again, it might not last for very long or even work. If so, they could be told that they just need to keep going and sooner or later, their hard work will pay off. Yet, there is the chance that the reason they experience life in this way is not solely due to what is taking place in their mind. Going Deeper If they did experience trauma during their developmental years, this may have been a time when, practically from the moment they were born, they were often left and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care. This would have stopped them from receiving the nutrients that they needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way. They would have felt hopeless and helpless and they were hopeless and helpless; there was nothing that they could have done. The pain and arousal that they experienced would have automatically been repressed by their brain and they would have gone into a shut down, disconnected, collapsed and frozen state. A Heavy Weight With this in mind, their brain and body will be loaded up with pain and arousal and, thus, simply changing what is going on up top is not going to be enough. At best, this approach will only allow them to suppress how they truly feel. What this also illustrates is that while their thoughts can create how they feel, their thoughts can be an effect of how they feel. For them to move forward, they will most likely need to face this pain and the unmet needs that go with it. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Having the need to be seen is a normal part of life; this is part of being an independent human being. Nonetheless, someone can have such a strong need to be seen that it consumes them.
As a result of this, if they are not doing what they can to receive attention, they can be thinking of ways to receive attention. Now, this could be something that they are aware of, or it could be something that is outside of their conscious awareness. The Outcome If they are not consciously aware of their strong need for attention, they are not going to be able to do anything about what is going on. As to why they would need to do anything about this, it is because living in this way is likely to cause them to neglect a number of their other needs. By living in an unbalanced way, then, they will deprive themselves of a number of things. For example, being so concerned about receiving attention is likely to mean that they will have the inclination to ignore their true self. Self-Alienation In fact, they might not even be connected to their true self, with them being more or less completely focused on pleasing others. If so, their true self will have been covered up by a false self. This self will have most likely been created in order to allow them to receive attention and approval and acceptance from others. Still, this is not to say that this is something that they consciously chose to create as an adult. Up And Down But, although this false self is likely to have been constructed to achieve this aim, it doesn’t mean that they will be able to receive the amount of attention that they desire. There can then be moments when they will but they could be far more moments when they don’t. Due to this, they could often feel deeply frustrated and helpless and hopeless. This is likely to be a time when they will feel deprived of energy and they could feel invisible and as though they don’t even exist. One Scenario If they are in a relationship, for instance, they could be with someone who is not very present and doesn’t really see them. This is then going to be an area of their life where they feel deprived and experience feelings that they would rather not experience. There is a strong chance that this is not the first time they have been in this position, though. If they were to look back on their life, they may find that this is something that has happened at least once before. Running On Empty So, no matter how much attention they do receive, it is not going to be enough for them. They are going to experience a lot of highs and a lot of lows, and they could be desperate for their life to change. In their eyes, if they were to receive all of the attention that they need, this would allow them to finally be happy. What could enter their mind is that if they were famous, they would finally be able to achieve this outcome. An Emotional Hole But, even if they were to become famous and received attention from thousands or even millions of people, it is unlikely to be enough. After a while, they would probably get used to it and still feel a sense of emptiness; craving even more attention. This is not to say that having this amount of attention wouldn’t nourish them to a certain extent and cause them to experience less pain. What it comes down to is that they are likely to be carrying a deep wound and this wound won’t truly be filled from the outside; it has to be filled from the inside. Stepping Back If they were able to mentally detach from how they experience life and were able to see that they have an emotional hole inside them, with this being the reason why they crave so much attention, they could wonder what is going on. What could also cross their mind is that even though they crave it, they also fear it. At this point, they could struggle to understand why they are this way, with their mind going blank. This could illustrate that their brain has blocked out the information that would shed light on why they are this way and this will have taken place to protect them, not harm them. Back In Time During their developmental years, they might have often been left and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care. This would have deprived them of the nutrients that they needed to grow and develop in the right way and caused them to experience a lot of pain – pain that their brain would have automatically repressed. At this stage of their life, being seen, so being held, touched and fed at the right time and on a consistent basis, for instance, was a key part of what would allow them to develop a strong sense of self. Not having this need met on a consistent basis wouldn’t have caused this need, as well as other developmental needs, to disappear; no, it would have simply gone into hiding. A Natural Outcome Taking this into account, it is not their adult self that craves so much attention; it is the child parts inside them. But, as these parts will have merged with their adult self, they won’t have been able to realise this. What took place will also explain why part or parts of them also feel uncomfortable with receiving attention, as the attention they did receive wasn’t overly nourishing. Now that this stage of their life is over, their unmet developmental needs, and the pain that goes with them, will need to be faced and grieved. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Developmental Trauma: Can Someone Be Frozen In Time If They Experienced Developmental Trauma?9/8/2022
Just because someone is now an adult and their developmental years are thing of the past, it doesn’t mean that they have truly moved on from this stage of their life. However, if this is the case, they might not be consciously aware of it.
The signs that reflect that they haven’t moved on from this stage of their life are then going to be outside of their conscious awareness. As a result of this, they can end up suffering in silence. Completely Helpless As to why they were unable to move through this stage of their life, it is likely to show that they were deprived of what they needed. Thanks to this, they would have been deeply traumatised. But, as they were powerless and totally dependent, there was absolutely nothing that they could have done about what was going on. Their only option was for their brain to automatically repress the pain and arousal they were experiencing and for them to go into a shut down, disconnected, collapsed and frozen state. Hidden The years would have passed and their conscious mind would have forgotten most if not all of what took place, preventing them from being able to see why their life is the way that it is. Yet, while their brain will do what it can to keep this pain and the memories that go with it from entering their conscious awareness, there is still going to be the pain that seeps into their conscious mind. What can play a part in this is that as they missed out on the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way, their brain’s ability to repress pain can be less effective than it would be otherwise. But, even with this factor in mind, they are not going to have an endless amount of space to store pain, so it is to be expected that it will seep out and impact their life in a variety of ways. The Norm Taking this into account, what can be normal is for them to experience a fair amount of fear and anxiety and even terror. They can often feel hopeless and helpless, and as though they are invisible and don’t exist. And, if they are not feeling emotionally overwhelmed, there is a strong chance that they will end up feeling emotionally numb. Also, the pain that they are in can often give them the need to end their life. Stepping Back If they were to get to the point where it was possible for them to mentally detach from what is going on and to see how they experience life, they could struggle to understand why their life is this way. They would probably soon see that this is how their life has been for as long as they can remember. Their first thought could be that they were merely born this way and that there is very little that they can do. Without access to what is being kept at bay by their brain, it is to be expected that they would form this or another conclusion that is very similar. In A Bad Way Ultimately, not only did they miss out on what they needed, practically from the moment they were born, but they were also deeply traumatised, so they were destined to experience life in this way as an adult. It is then not that there is anything inherently wrong with them or that they are weak, incapable or bad; it is that they simply missed out on the nutrients that they needed. Their physical and mental self will have grown, but their emotional self won’t have really changed. They would have been dependent and helpless when they were born and they will have stayed this way. Self-Love This is why, if their inner voice is critical towards them, they can keep in mind that they didn’t choose to be this way. They are the way that they are due to something that was out of their hands. If it wasn’t for their ability to adapt, they probably wouldn’t have made it through what took place. So, whenever there is a voice inside them that is unloving, they can think about how resilient and strong they had to be to survive this brutal stage of their life and have had to be to keep going. A Gradual Process They are likely to be carrying a lot of pain and arousal that will gradually need to be worked through; it is not something that can be dealt with in one go. It is for this reason that moving on from what took place will take courage and patience and persistence. If they were to face all of their pain and arousal in one go, their life would probably come to an end. To use an analogy: it’s a bit like moving a pile of bricks from one area to another; only a few bricks at a time will be able to be moved. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although someone can feel emotionally empty, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this. But, what they can be aware of is their need to attain, achieve and experience different things.
They can then be someone who describes themselves as driven and this could be how a number of the people in their life see them too. By being this way, they could be used to receiving a lot of positive feedback from others. A Role model The reason for this is that they are likely to live in a society where being driven is generally seen as the ‘right’ way to be. If one wasn’t this way, then, they could be seen as lacking drive and even as being lazy. Now, this could mean that they are seen as being successful or it might not; it can all depend on what it is that they do for a living. Also, even though they are driven, it doesn’t mean that they have been able to make a great deal of progress. Deflated But regardless of how successful they are seen as being and how much progress they have made, they could be used to feeling down and deeply frustrated. So, after getting their hopes up before having attained, achieved or experienced something, they could soon feel let down. Ultimately, they won’t feel felt how they expected to feel and this will have probably caused them to feel hopeless and helpless. Yet, before long, they might soon be on their way, with them trying to attain, achieve or experience something else. The Same Old Story This is something that may have been going on for a number of decades and could go on for a few more. At one point or another, there could come a time when they no longer have the energy or the interest to live in this way. If this was to happen, they could see that how they are living is not working and they could come face to face with how empty they feel. It might occur to them that they have been looking ‘out there’ for something that that will allow them to feel whole and complete. Confusion But, as this will have been taking place outside of their conscious awareness, it is not going to be a surprise that they won’t have realised this. They will have been more or less completely absorbed in their mind’s conviction that they will be able to find what they need externally. This part of them, due to its materialistic nature, will believe that something ‘out there’ can fill a whole that is experienced internally. With the right component/s, whether this is a person, place and/or a thing, a sense of wholeness and completion will be attained. Round In circles But, as what is going on ‘out there’ cant truly be internalised, it will mean that this approach will never work. And, thanks to the experiences that they have had, this is likely to be only too clear. With this in mind, for their inner world to change, what is going on internally will need to truly change, not just be temporarily altered. Once this does change, they won’t need anything ‘out there’ in order to feel whole and complete. A Different Place They will already feel whole and complete and this will allow them to live life from a place of fullness, not emptiness. Their need to attain things won’t completely disappear, of course, but they will also be driven by their need to express themselves. Right now, however, they could wonder why they are experiencing life in this way and why they don’t feel whole and complete. They could be this way due to what took place during their formative years. Back In Time
They would have not only been born feeling empty and incomplete and continued to stay this way but they would have been deeply traumatised, too. This pain and arousal would have automatically been repressed by their brain, with it primarily being stored in their body. The Outcome The years would have continued to pass but the pain and their unmet developmental needs would have stayed inside them. Unknowingly, they would have projected their parents onto people, places and things, and believed that their unmet developmental needs would finally be met if they were with the right person, went to the right place and/or attained a certain thing. As this stage of their life is over, these unmet developmental needs won’t be able to be met anymore. For them to truly move forward, they will have to face the pain, along with the unmet needs that were not met, and work through it. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Even though someone is an adult, it doesn’t mean that they will act like one. The reason for this is that, in general, they could look towards others to make decisions for them, to stand up for them and for guidance about how to live their life.
Based on this, when it comes to how they typically behave, they are going to be more like a child and a number of the people in their life will be parental figures. If this is how their life has been for quite some time, they are unlikely to be consciously aware of what is going on. Two Levels Even if there are moments when they feel fed up, deep down, behaving in this way is likely to be what feels comfortable. If there are moments when they are not happy with how their life is, this could be a time when they will also feel frustrated and trapped. It could be as though some of the people in their life are in control of them and there is very little that they can do. Like a child who needs their parents’ permission to do anything, they can have a very similar experience. Too Much To Handle At times, they could imagine what it would be like for them to generally make their own decisions, stand their ground and listen to their own guidance, and thus, live their own life. But, while this could be a time when they feel good, it could also be a time when they soon start to feel uncomfortable. If they were to stay with this discomfort and go deeper, they could end up experiencing a lot of fear. It might seem as if their life is going to come to an end and there is absolutely nothing that they can do. Stepping Back After perhaps suffering for many, many years, something could happen that will cause them to question why their life is the way that it is. They could wonder why they feel like a child and see certain people as their parents. It will be clear that living in this way is not allowing them to express who they are and, as a result, live a life that is worth living. Yet, as bleak as their life will be, they might not be able to see a way forward. Weighed Down If this is the case, they could feel very low and even deeply depressed. However, as they won’t be living a fulfilling life and they will feel hopeless and helpless, how else would they be? Ultimately, there is going to be a reason why they are this way and there will be a great deal that they can do to gradually move forward. When it comes to why their life is this way, it is likely to be due to what took place during their formative years. A Closer Look Throughout this stage of their life, they might not have received what they needed in order to grow and develop in the right way. Thanks to this, they were unable to go through each development stage and grow into a strong and capable adult. This is then why they will look like an adult but feel like a child who needs other people to look after them. It then won’t be that there is anything inherently wrong with them; no, it will be that they missed out on so much. For Example They may have often been left and experienced different kinds of abuse, which would have deeply traumatised them. Both being left and mistreated would have deprived them of the nutrients that they needed. So, one or both of their parents may have been controlling and tried to manage their whole life. What this would have done is separated them from their own inner voice and filled them with doubt and prevented them from developing confidence in their own ability to make the right decisions. A Continuation With this understanding in place, how they behave as an adult will start to make complete sense. They won’t have received the love or the guidance that they needed to move through this development stage of their life. For them to move forward, they will need to work through the trauma inside them, reconnect to themselves, develop self-trust and develop their self-expression muscle. By doing this, they will be able to start making decisions, standing their ground and listening to their own inner guidance. Trial and Error This will be a time when they will make a number of mistakes and this is simply part of the process. Making mistakes doesn’t mean that they are doing anything wrong; it just means that they are learning what is and what isn’t right for them. As they continue to try different things and make mistakes, they will get better at knowing what is and what isn’t right for them. This is why it has been said that if someone wants to be successful, they need to fail faster. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While there are those who lack the ability to observe themselves and need to take the time to develop this ability, there are those that don’t. When someone has this ability, it could show that they have spent a fair amount of time meditating.
Then again, this could be something that they rarely do, and there is even the chance that they have never meditated. Either way, they will be able to take a step back, so to speak, to observe their needs, feelings and thoughts and think about the impact that their behaviour has on others. An Important Ability Not only is this going to allow them to live an intentional life, it is also going to allow them to have more harmonious relationships. First, if they were not aware of what was going on inside them, they wouldn’t be able to live a life that is in alignment with who they are. Second, if they didn’t think about the impact that their behaviour has on others, it would be normal for them to create a lot of unnecessary issues with others. Furthermore, they would probably push a lot of people away. A Time and A Place Nonetheless, while this ability is important, there are going to be times when it is of no use whatsoever. It is then no different to how a hammer is good for some jobs but useless for others. For example, once they have become aware of what their needs are, the next step will probably be for them to take action. The energy that they need for this to take place is not going to be provided by their observer self, though. Another Aspect No, this energy is going to be provided by their instinctual self or the part of them that relates to their aggression/fight instinct. Of course, their mind can provide them with a certain amount of energy via willpower, but this won’t be as strong. If their observer self is a representation of ice, their ‘action self’ is a representation of fire. Another way of looking at this would be to say that a map is the observer self and a car is the action self; both are essential. The Missing Part Yet, although they might have a well very-developed observer self, they might not have a very well-developed action self. Consequently, they could spend a lot of time sitting around and typically only do things when they have to, causing them to deprive themselves of a great deal. It is then going to be as if they have a map of where they want to go but they haven’t got a car to take them where they need to go. By being this way, they could often feel frustrated and helpless. Missing Out In general, they could feel as though they are sitting on the sidelines, watching others embrace and enjoy life. It is then to be expected that they will often feel frustrated, helpless and even depressed. What is crystal clear is that they will need to connect to their action self or their life will continue to pass them by. Fortunately, as they have a well-developed observer self, they will probably be able to realise this. The Big Question At this point, they could wonder why this ability is so well-developed and why they are underdeveloped when it comes to their other ability. What could come to mind is that as this ability is ‘higher’ and the other is ‘lower’, this shouldn’t be the case. If anything, they should have more going on when it comes to the part of them that governs their action self. What this can show is that their early years were anything but nurturing and that this was a time when they were deprived of what they needed to grow and develop in the right way. Way Back This is why they might have meditated a lot throughout their adult years or they might not have, as the foundations for this ability will have been laid at the beginning of their life. So, practically from the moment they were born, they may have often been left and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care. To handle what was going on, their brain would have automatically repressed the pain and arousal they were in and they would have gone into a shut down, disconnected, collapsed and frozen state. In other words, they would have become a divided being, with their ties to their instinctual and emotional self being severed and their awareness moving into their head. A New Connection Taking this isn’t account, and as evolved as their observer self can appear to be, this was an ability that they were forced to develop to be able to handle a brutal stage of their life. Being embodied was too painful and so they had to leave their body to be able to function and keep it together and, thus, ensure their survival. Now that they are an adult, it will be essential for them to reconnect to their body and to develop their action self. This is something that is likely to take courage and patience and persistence. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Repression: Can The Brains Ability To Repress Pain Cause Someone To Blame Others For How They Feel?24/7/2022
There is the chance that someone could work somewhere that is not very supportive, for instance. As a result of this, they could often feel worthless and even humiliated when they are at work.
Along with this, they could be in a relationship that is not much better, with this also being a time when they will experience the same feelings that they feel at work. There could be other ‘negative’ feelings that they experience, too. It’s clear Now, if they were to speak to a friend about what is going on, this person could say that these people are causing them to experience these feelings. This is something that one is likely to agree with. Therefore, if they were no longer treated in the same way, they simply wouldn’t experience these feelings when they are at work and with their partner. What this will mean is that what is going on ‘out there’ is the problem. Endless Support If they were to talk to another friend, family member or even a stranger about what is going on, they are likely to receive the same response. This could show that they live in a society where this point is view is largely seen as the truth. In this case, human relationships are typically going to be viewed from the victim-perpetrator lens. One person will be a victim and the other will be the perpetrator, or one person will generally be the victim, while the other will generally be the perpetrator. A Natural Outcome The other, third part of this dynamic will be the rescuer; someone who is there to save the victim from the perpetrator. Of course, as the victim will be powerless and the perpetrator will have all the power, this will be necessary. On a bigger scale, this could relate to not just one person but a whole group of people who are there to save one person or a number of people from harm. There are both big and small organisations that exist to fulfil this role. A New Experience After receiving this advice from a friend, they could end up leaving their job and ending their relationship. Before long, they could start working somewhere else and embark on a new relationship. Consequently, they could find that they feel different when they are at work and with their partner. Thanks to this, they could come to the conclusion that this proves that what was going on before caused them to feel a certain way. The Same Story But, before long, they may find that they end up experiencing the same feelings that they felt before. Due to what they have recently been through, they could believe that what is going on externally is the cause of why they feel as they do. After being in this position at least once before, they could end up feeling hopeless and helpless. Ultimately, they won’t want to feel this way and they will want to work somewhere they feel valued and be with someone who values them. Stepping Back If this is something that continually happens, it will be a good idea for them to take a step back, reflect and see if they are overlooking something. What they will need to question is the view that what is going on ‘out there’ is solely responsible for how they feel. As, although their mind might be completely convinced that this is so, there is a strong chance that this is not the complete truth. What they are likely to find is that how they feel when they are at work and around their partner, relates to feelings that are already inside them. Unlocked What takes place externally is then going to bring these feelings to the surface. Or to be more precise, what is usually held in their unconscious mind will break through to their conscious mind. However, by not understanding that they have both a conscious and an unconscious mind and that the former is only a very small part of them, they won’t have been aware of what is going on. Not only this, but the feelings that were held inside their unconscious mind will have also played a part in why they are experiencing life in this way. Hidden What this comes down to is that their feelings are creative and are, thus, actively having an effect on their reality. This is something that one can gain a better understanding of by looking into the law of resonance. Anyway, the feelings that are unlocked through these experiences will have been kept out of their conscious awareness by their brain in order to allow them to keep it together and function. Due to this, it wouldn’t have been something that they consciously chose to do. A Build Up The pain that is held inside this part of them will be a consequence of what they have experienced as an adult, as a child and even what took place whilst they were in their mother’s womb. What this illustrates is even though they won’t be consciously aware of most of this pain; it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. With this understanding in place, one will have the ability to see when an external trigger has caused repressed pain to enter their conscious awareness and to do something about it. Without it, what is going on ‘out there’ will be seen as the problem and they won’t be able to do anything about it. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Repression: Has The Brains Ability To Repress Pain Led To The View That It’s ‘All About The Mind’?22/7/2022
If someone has problems with their ‘mental health’ and they were to reach out for support, there is a strong chance that what is taking place in their mind will be the area of focus. Therefore, their thoughts, beliefs and even behaviour are likely to come under the microscope.
It could be said that this will be the obvious area to focus on as it will be their mind that is causing them problems, after all. When it comes to what is going on for them that is making it hard for them to handle life, it could be that they are experiencing a lot of fear and anxiety. The Solution To change what is going on, then, they could end up being asked to look into what thoughts they usually have. This is likely to be a time when they will find that they have a number of ‘negative’ thoughts. The next step can be for them to observe these ‘negative’ thoughts and to begin replacing them with ‘positive’ thoughts. After putting this into practice for a little while, they may find that their life gradually starts to change. Another outcome However, it might not be long until this approach no longer works, and there is also the chance that it won’t even work. At this point, they might be encouraged to keep going and not give up. But, if they live in a society that is mind-centred and this area of them is seen as the key area when it comes to having good ‘mental health’, this is to be expected. The alternative to this can be seen as them continuing to suffer and perhaps going on medication. Another Angle Now, although this view is so widespread and is largely seen as the truth, what if it is nothing more than a half-truth? What if the only reason that this part of their being has the level of importance that it has, when it comes to ‘mental health’, is because of their brain’s ability to repress pain? This would mean that as important as this part of them is, it is not as important or as powerful as it is made out to be. What gives this part of them the illusion of being so important and powerful is what their brain does to stop their mind from being overwhelmed with pain. An Automatic Process Different parts of their brain will automatically remove pain from their conscious awareness in order to allow them to keep it together and function. This is something that will have taken place from the moment they were born. But, as this will take place so quickly and effortlessly, it is not going to be something that they will be aware of. Thanks to this, it is not going to be a surprise if they have absolutely no idea that this takes place and believe that their pain just disappears. A Natural Outcome It will be as if, for their whole life, they have been given a helping hand to lift things, but as this is normal, they won’t know it. And, as this is something that just about everyone’s brain can do to one degree or another, it is also not going to be a surprise that they will live in a society that is largely not aware of this. Many of the approaches that are used in mainstream society and many of those used on the fringes of society to handle mental problems are only effective due to the brain’s ability to repress pain. Moreover, the very fact that inner problems for the most part come under the umbrella of ‘mental health’, as opposed to mental and emotional health, is another sign of how effective this ability typically is – the mind is placed on a throne and the emotional self, by omission, is thus, subordinate to it. The Barrier If someone didn’t have this ability and were constantly flooded with pain, they wouldn’t be able to keep it together and to function. They would be overwhelmed with pain and their life would probably soon come to an end. Nevertheless, as effective as this ability is, someone doesn’t have unlimited space for pain to accumulate. Not only this, due to early trauma, for example, their ability to repress pain might not be very effective. Reading the Signs So, the anxiety and fear that they are experiencing, along with any of the other ‘mental’ problems that they have, can illustrate that they are carrying a fair amount of pain inside their brain and body. This is why they are experiencing inner unrest as it is no longer possible for their brain to stop it from entering their conscious awareness. Simply changing their thoughts, for instance, which will be a way for them to unknowingly try to repress the pain that is most likely causing these thoughts to appear, is not going to truly solve anything. In this case, for their mind to settle down, it will be necessary for them to start to work through the pain that is indirectly calling out to them. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Free Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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