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Undoubtedly, if someone has the ability to not be caught up in what is going on around them, their life will be far better than it would be otherwise. They will be able to stay centred and to be the ‘calm in the storm’ so to speak.
This will allow them to stay focused on what matters and to do the things that will bring them happiness and fulfilment. Still, this doesn’t mean that they will never be affected by what is going on externally; they are human after all. Another Point What this also doesn’t mean this that they will lack empathy and the ability to put themselves in another person’s shoes. But, although they will be able to do this, they typically won’t let what is going on for another to take them out. If a friend or a loved one was not in a good way, it will probably be a lot harder for them to stay centred. However, they might realise that feeling bad is not going to serve the other person and that it will be better for them to be at their best. Self-Expression If they were endlessly affected by what is going on around them, they would be like a leaf in the window. They would continually be tossed around and it wouldn’t be possible for them to assert who they are. Thankfully, this is not the case, which is why they will be able to not only listen to themselves, but to also express themselves. Thus, they will be an individual and they will be able to act like one. One Area As a result of this, they could have a career or a vocation that brings them a lot of meaning and fulfilment. If they were to look back on their life, they may see that their ability to stay in their own world has greatly benefited them. There will probably be moments when they have got caught up in another person’s reality or even what was going in their society, but this won’t have taken place very often. And when this has happened, they may have soon come to their senses and got back on their path. One More When it comes to their relationships, they may see that they generally show up around the people in their life. The people in their life are then going to know who they are as opposed to who they become when they are around them. This doesn’t mean that they won’t adapt to the different people that they are with and will be like a statue. No, what it means is that they will be able to maintain who they are and this will allow them to express their true-self. A Key Area If they are in a relationship, then, they are not going to have merged with this person and for their emotional state to more or less always reflect the other person’s emotional state. So, if their partner is angry or sad, for instance, they won’t suddenly become angry or sad. Or, if their partner is not around, they won’t feel alone and disconnected. They are going to have a strong core – a strong sense of themselves - and not only look like a whole human being; they will also feel like one. Another Experience If, on the other hand, someone can’t relate to this, their life is likely to be radically different. What can be normal is for them to be caught up in what is going on around them and to lose themselves in the process. One is then going to be an individual but they will act as though they are merely an extension of others. In general, they might not know what feelings belong to them and what feelings belong to others. Weighed Down Through being so affected by what is going on around them and the world as a whole, it will be a challenge for them to express themselves. Most, if not all, of the people in their life might rarely see their true-self. With this in mind, if someone in their life is angry, they could end up feeling angry; if someone feels bad, they could also feel bad; if someone pulls away from them, they could feel alone and empty; if someone is acting dangerously, they will unsafe and insecure; and if someone doesn’t respond to them, they could feel invisible and powerless. It will be clear that they don’t have a strong core; their self of self will be in an undeveloped state. Boundary-less Their boundaries are not going to be good, hence why they are continually caught up in and absorb what is going on around them. One way to describe them would be to say that they lack what are called ‘energetic boundaries’, with this being the reason why it is as if they are ‘naked’. The boundaries that the average person takes for granted won’t be in place and this is why they will lack the protection that they need. Not having these boundaries in place can also mean that they will be more likely to be affected by germs, sounds and smells that are in their environment. What’s going on? If one is in this state, it is likely to show that they didn’t receive the nurturance that they needed as a child to start the individuation process (this can be seen as a lifelong process) and to develop energetic boundaries. One is then going to look like an adult but emotionally, they will still be in an undeveloped state and be connected to their mother (in a symbiotic state). By still being connected to their first caregiver, deep down, they won’t know that they are separate from others. As they still see themselves as an extension of their mother, they will see themselves as an extension of everyone and everything else. Developmentally Stunted Their sense of self will have stayed in an undeveloped state, and they will see life in the same way that a small child does. A child has no centre and, due to this, it needs its mother to be able to feel whole and complete. Its mother will then define how the child feels, whether or not it feels connected, and if it feels powerful, amongst other things. One will have stayed at this level of development and time alone won’t allow them to grow out of this state. Awareness The person who plays a big role in allowing someone to emotionally separate from their mother is their father, so this may mean that one’s father was emotionally unavailable or physically absent during this time in their life. This is said to be something that starts to take place around three years of age. If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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When someone has an inner sense of safety, it will be possible for them to be in their body and to express themselves. What this comes down to is that in order for someone to inhabit their body, they will need to feel safe enough to do so.
As this component is in place, they will comfortable expressing who they are – their true-self. However, just because someone experiences life in this way, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of why their life is this way. Part of Life For most, if not all, of their life, they may have inhabited their body and expressed their true-self. There will still be moments when they lose touch with their body but this won’t be a normal part of their life. When they lose touch with their body, it can mean that they won’t be aware of how they feel or what their needs are. This can take place when they are using their phone or when they are on a computer, for instance. Strong Foundations And although they might not realise it, if they didn’t feel safe in their body, it would be a real challenge for them to express themselves. The sense of safety and security that they have at the root of their body is what will give them the ability to fully show up on this earth. This part of them, their lower body, will also provide them with the energy that they need to take action and to assert themselves. As they experience life in this way, it is likely to show that their early years were a time when their needs were generally met and they experienced a minimal amount of trauma. An Analogy So, in the same way that someone is unlikely to know much about their car unless they have had problems with it, one won’t know much about their own being as they won’t have had any major problems. How their life has been up until this point will have meant that they won’t have needed to. If they were to talk to someone who experiences life differently, they might be able to empathise with them, yet they won’t be able to truly relate to their experience. One way of looking at this would be to say that they have been very fortunate. Another Reality When it comes to someone who doesn’t have an inner sense of safety and security, it is going to be a challenge for them to stay in their body. This might sound strange as it can be hard to comprehend how someone could leave their body. One way of looking at it would be to say that their awareness will leave their body, causing them to lose touch with their needs, feelings and sensations in the process. This is not going to be something that they consciously choose to do as it will just happen. Disconnected Their awareness will typically be in their head, meaning that they will largely live on the surface of themselves. When this takes place, they will primarily be focused on what is taking place externally. Doing what other people want, along what they think they want, will be the priority. They will then have lost touch with their true-self and what other people will see will be a reflection of their false-self. A Matter of Survival Without an inner sense of safety and security, pleasing others will be a way for them to try to settle themselves down. Their main priority is then not to please others; it is actually to feel more at ease. This need will be so strong that even though they are compromising themselves, it might not really stand out. There may be moments when they feel frustrated and depressed but these moments might not be enough for them to change their life. What’s going on? It is unlikely that they were simply born this way; what this is likely to illustrate is that their early years were a time when it wasn’t safe for them to be in their body. Due to how dangerous their early environment was, they may have had to live in their head and to be super focused on what was going on externally. Instead of being able to just be, to relax and to play, something that would have happened if their caregivers had provided them with the safety and security that they needed to be able to grow and develop, they would have had to be on alert. Thus, their energy would have mainly been used to keep them alive. A Closer Look This may have been a time when they were abused on a weekly, if not daily, basis. They may have also had at least one caregiver who was emotionally unstable, having no control over their emotions. It would have been as though they were walking on eggshells and had to be ready to handle danger at any moment. Being on edge would have given them a sense of control over something that they themselves had no control over. No Foundations Now that they are an adult, they will be like a house that is built on sand; or to be more accurate, they will like a house that is floating on water. The reason for this is that the trauma that is held in their body, especially their lower body, will often make them feel as though they are all at sea. If they do drop down into their body, they could soon be pushed back out and end up in their head. The trauma that is held in their body – the fear and the terror - will be too much for them to handle, causing them to dissociate or at the very least disconnect from their body. Awareness With this in mind, it is not going to be possible for them to change how they experience life overnight. They will need to work through the layers of trauma that are held within them and to gradually develop a sense of safety and security. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
When it comes to how someone behaves and what their life is like, there is the chance that these two things are a reflection of what is taking place internally. In other words, there will be a connection between their inner world and their outer world.
This is not to say that their behaviour and their life, in general, will always be an expression of their true-self; no, what it means is that this part of them will have a big effect on what their life is like. Therefore, they are not going to be used to behaving in a way that is not in alignment with who they are or to live a life that is a complete mismatch. The Ideal It would be easy to assume that this is how most people experience life, however, there are plenty of people on this earth that don’t experience life in this way. When someone is in this position, their behaviour and their life is going to have very little to do with what is taking place internally. What will generally define how they behave and what their life is like will be what could be classed as a false-self. This is not something that will have anything to do with who they are; it will, in many ways, be a manifestation of what will allow them to please others. One Big Performance Their real needs and feelings are then going to be out of reach and what will drive their behaviour, and their life, will be what is taking place in their mind. This part of them, the part that will have been conditioned by the outside world, will tell them how to behave and what do with their life. The experiences that they have had throughout their life will have shaped what this part of them believes and thus, what they have the urge to do. But, as they won’t be in touch with their true needs and feelings, it is highly unlikely that living in this way will allow then to experience a deep sense of fulfilment. A Poor Replacement Still, through having the tendency to do what other people want and what they think they want, they may receive a fair amount of approval from others. This might allow them to feel good but it is unlikely to make up for the fact that they are walking down the wrong path, so to speak. Depending on where they are on their journey, they might be able to push down the pain of not living their truth. This could take place by consuming things, buying things or distracting themselves. Confusion At the same time, they could be carrying so much pain that this approach no longer works. The pain of not living their truth will have built up over the years and now it will be too strong to be kept at bay. Even so, while they might realise that their life is not fulfilling and be only too aware of the pain that they are in, they might not understand what is going. Something is then going to be wrong, yet they won’t know exactly what is wrong or what to do about it. Moving Forward For their life to change, they will need to reconnect to their needs and feelings – to connect their true-self. This is not going to take place by being in their mind and thinking; it will take place by being in their body and feeling. Due to how they currently experience life, it is clear that they don’t have a strong connection to their body. They are living on the surface of themselves and are stuck within the confines of their mind. What’s going on? The big question is: why would someone not have a strong connection with their body and typically live in their head? What this will probably show is that it wasn’t safe for them to be in their body as a child and to express themselves. Perhaps they grew up in an environment that was very unpredictable and inconsistent, with this being a time when they were abused and/or neglected on a regular basis. Not only would it have been too painful for them to be in their body, but they would have had to become super focused on what was gaping on externally to try to minimize the harm that was done to them. The Foundations Were Laid They would then have had no other choice than to lose touch with their true-self and to develop a false-self that would allow them to survive. It was not that they consciously chose to do this; it would have been something that just happened. It wouldn’t have crossed their mind that losing touch with their true essence and putting on an act would set them up to suffer; their only priority would have been to handle what was going on. Losing touch with themselves and becoming who they had to become to survive is why they are still alive. A New Beginning To get back into their body and to no longer be focused on what will please others, they will probably need to work through the layers of trauma that are held inside them. This will allow them to connect to their true-self, thereby allowing them to create a life that is in alignment with who they are. As this takes place, the behaviours and the parts of their life that don’t reflect who they are will slowly fall away. For so long, they will have been like a caterpillar that was unable to become a butterfly, and now, through the work that they do on themselves, they will have the chance to become who they really as opposed to being someone who they are not. Awareness If someone can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Self-Image: Can Childhood Trauma Set Someone Up To Believe That They Don’t Deserve To Exist?5/9/2020
Due to what someone went through as a child and even before they were born, they can believe that they don’t deserve to be on this earth. However, while this core belief, along with others, will be defining their life, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of it.
Like a fish in water, how they experience life can just be what is normal and thus, something that they have become accustomed to. There will then be no reason for them to try to do anything about their life. Trapped This is not to say that they will be happy with how their life is and won’t experience a fair amount of resistance. If they were able to get out of the fish tank that there are living in, so to speak, it would give them the chance to see what is going on. Until that happens, they will simply have to tolerate what is taking place and to do their best to handle life. This is not going to be easy as they are likely to lead a life that is anything but fulfilling. A Bleak Existence They are generally going to have experiences that tell them, in one way or another, that they don’t deserve to be here. And, even when this is not the case, their mind can end up interpreting an experience in the same way. If they have a job, they could work somewhere where they are not treated very well. The experience that they have at work could be very similar to how it was whilst they were in the education system. Another Area Or, there is the chance that this part of their life is going well but they just won’t allow themselves to move forward. When it comes to their relationships, they might rarely assert themselves. They could feel very fortunate that they have friends and even a partner, and not want to risk losing anyone. One will then be used to going along to get alone and their true-self will seldom see the light of day. A Metaphor In a way, it will be as if one is at a party that they haven’t been invited to. As a result of this, they won’t expect much, impose themselves or want to stand out; they will be there without actually being there. The main difference is that one will live like this all the time, not just for a few hours or a night. Ultimately, one is not at a party that they haven’t been invited to, they are on planet earth and they deserve to be here. Their Emotional Experience When it comes to how they usually feel, they will probably be used to experiencing a lot of ‘negative’ feelings. They may find that they often experience shame and feely deeply helpless and hopeless. Feeling down and depressed could be the norm and they may even feel suicidal from time to time. Clearly, the sooner that they are able to take a step back from their experience and to see what is going on, the sooner their life will change and the better off they will be. What Is Going On? Deep down, at the core of their being, they should know that they deserve to be here and that they have inherent value. If this was so, their life would be radically different and they would be able to live a fulfilling life. The love, care and nurturance that they needed as a child in order to develop into a well-adjusted adult in all probability wouldn’t have been provided. Instead, they would have generally been treated as though they were a burden and an unwelcome guest. A Closer Look Through their formative years, they may have been abused and/or neglected. If both of these things took place, they would have received the message both directly and indirectly that they were not wanted, loved or valuable. There is also the chance that they felt rejected long before they were born, with their time in the womb being anything but welcoming. During this stage of their development, their being would have picked up on what was going on for their mother and how their mother felt towards them. The Foundations Were Laid What this illustrates is that it is not just what takes place after someone is born that has an impact on them; it is also what takes place before they are born. Without this understanding, the effect that this period of someone’s development has on them can end up being attributed to their genetics. So, if their time in the womb wasn’t very pleasant, they wouldn’t have needed to be treated very badly after they were born to feel rejected and unworthy of life. And if they were treated badly, this would have added more weight to how they already felt and to the associations that were already formed. The Past Repeats Itself If their time in the womb wasn’t very welcoming, it could mean that their mother’s unresolved trauma played a big part in what took place. This will then mean that she wasn’t even aware of what was going on – it wasn’t something that she consciously chose to do. Perhaps, due to her own unresolved childhood trauma, she shut down and therefore, her body wasn’t able to provide one with the nutrients or the acceptance that they needed whilst they were in the womb. Her early years may have been a time when her developmental needs were rarely, if ever, met, which would have prevented her from being able to truly be there and to take care of her unborn child’s needs. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer. Most likely, they will carry a lot of unmet childhood needs that will need to be grieved – cried out. Through undertaking this process, they will gradually be able to accept that they deserve to be there and that they are valuable.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Now, if someone was to take a step back and to reflect on how they see themselves and their life, they may come to the conclusion that they have a ‘negative mindset’. If they were to open about to someone else, this person could also say the same thing.
If they were to make a note of how they see themselves, they could write down some, if not all, of the following:
The Other Part And, if they were to make a note of how they see life, they could write down some, if not all of the following:
When it comes to what they write down, they could see that they have had these views for as long as they can remember. Therefore, although they might not have been completely aware of each point, they won’t be surprised by what they have listed. External Advice The way in which they see themselves and the world is going to define how they experience life. Thus, for them to live a life that is worth living, it will be essential for them to change their perception. If they were to look for information on how they can do this, they may soon be told that they need to change what is taking place in their mind. What is going up top is then going to be what is holding them back from living the life that they were ‘born to live’. Worth The Effort After accepting that this is the right approach, they could end up questioning what they believe and replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts. In addition to this, they could start to change their behaviour. As the weeks and months go by, one could find that their life gradually begins to change. They could be amazed by what has taken place, with it being clear how much of an effect their mindset has on their life. Another Experience At the same time, one may find that they are only able to get so far or that this approach doesn’t work. They could change what is going on up top but still find that their view of themselves and the world doesn’t really change. If anything, it could be as though they are trying to deny how they really feel and to put on an act. It might be hard for them to accept, at this point, that their thoughts create how they feel. Going Deeper The reason that changing their mindset is not working could be because they are carrying trauma. Their body is then going to be loaded up with pain and so purely playing around with what is going on in their mind is not going to be the answer. And even if this approach did work, it might only be a matter of time before their view of themselves and their life would start to fall apart. What is held deep within them would end up undermining them as opposed to something or someone that is ‘out there’. Back In Time During their early years, they may have been abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Naturally, this would have caused them to develop a negative view of themselves and the world. There would have been the meaning that their mind made and there would have been the emotional effect of what took place. It is then not be expected that they will have a negative mindset now that they are an adult, but for them to let go of this mindset, they will also need to resolve what is held in their body. Rearranging the Furniture on the Titanic Ultimately, they can play around with their mind as much as they want yet this wont resolve what is taking place at a deeper level. What is taking place in their body will support and sustain the negative view that their mind has of them and it will cause them to manifest situations, circumstances and events that are in alignment with how they view the world. What this comes down to is that it is not just their thoughts that define their reality, it is also their feelings. And while their thoughts can create their feelings, the feelings that are held in their body will also play a part in what thoughts they have. For Example If one is carrying a lot of toxic shame from their early years, it is going to be incredibly difficult for them to feel good about themselves or to expect their fellow human beings to accept them. This feeling, or inner experience as it’s more than a feeling, will cause them to have negative thoughts. Without this deeper understanding of what is going on, the obvious thing would be for them to change what is going on in their mind. But, as this diagnosis wouldn’t take every aspect of what is going on into account, it is not going to be very effective. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In general, it is believed that once someone is an adult, their childhood years will be well and truly behind them. It could be said that this is to be expected, considering that they will look like an adult.
That phase of their life will be over and it simply won’t be possible for them to return to it. Along with this, what they need now that they are an adult will be different from what they needed as a child. A Few Similarities Of course, they will still need food and water and want to sleep, for instance, but a lot of their needs will be different. They may now want to have a fulfilling career; that’s if they don’t already have one. If they do, they may want to take their career to the next level. And although they will still need guidance, they probably won’t want someone else to tell them what to do all the time. New Clothes So, in the same way that they will have outgrown the clothes that they used to wear as a child, they will have outgrown a lot of what they needed. Consequently, what they want as an adult is going to have very little to do with what they wanted all those years ago. However, while it may seem as though their childhood is behind them and is not having much of an impact on what they want in the present, what if it is not this black and white? If they were able to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they might not see how their adult life is connected to their childhood years. Covered Up Now, although there is the chance that their adult life has very little to do with what took place during their early years, it could be that they are simply oblivious to what is actually going on in their life. This doesn’t mean that they are stupid or that there is something wrong with them. What it is likely to mean is that their mind has blocked out what took place in order to protect them. Therefore, if they were able to remove these blocks, they would start to understand why their life is the way that it is. By Design When it comes to the emotional wounds that they are carrying from their early years that they are not aware of, these would have been too painful for them to handle. Their mind would have disconnected from what took place to stop them from being overwhelmed. At the time this would have protected them, but now that time has passed, it will cause them to repeat the same thing over and over again. For them to no longer repeat something, they will need to heal the emotional wounds that are keeping a pattern in place. Going Deeper For example, someone could find that they continually end up with people who are emotionally unavailable and/or that they constantly come into contact with people who abuse their power. If they can relate to the former, their intimate relationships are likely to be frustrating and unfulfilling. On the other hand, if they can relate to the latter, they could work somewhere where they often feel violated and are walked over by others. This experience could be a common theme in every area of their life. An External Problem Without this self-knowledge, not only won’t they be able to see that this is a pattern; they also won’t be able to see that these outer challenges are mirroring back the challenges that they had during their early years. Instead, it will appear as though they just happen to end up with people who are not available or those that want to take advantage of them, for instance. And by focusing on what is going on ‘out there’ and not dealing with what is taking place within them, it is not going to allow their life to permanently change. Yet, as they won’t have had access to the original wounds and couldn’t see that their external reality was a reflection of these wounds, it would have been perfectly normal for them to try to change their external world and to even feel like a powerless victim. A Big Mark Was Left During their early years, they may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. This might have occurred throughout this time in their life or it might not have lasted very long. Either way, what they experienced would have had a big impact on every part of their being. It won’t matter how many years pass as time alone won’t resolve what they went through. Drawing the Line Once their inner world starts to change, their outer world will gradually follow suit. They will no longer be resonating at the same frequency, which will cause them to be out of sync with what they were in alignment with. A big part of this work will be for their wounded inner child to realise that the needs that were not met all those years ago will never be met. These unmet childhood needs will need to be faced and then grieved. Awareness If someone can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
On one side, there is the internal world, and on the other, there is the external world. The ideal will be for someone to be aware of what is going on within and to be aware of what is going on without.
Through being this way, they will be able to tune with their needs and feelings, and they will be able to tune into the needs and feelings of others. In other words, they will be in balance. A Different Reality However, although this will be the ideal, someone may find that they are rarely in tune with their own needs and feelings. Instead, they could see that they are typically only aware of the needs and feelings of others. Focusing on what other people want is then going to be the norm, with them having the tendency to neglect themselves. If they were to take a step back and to think about how long they have been this way for, they may find that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. A Role This likely to be something that just happens, without them needing to think about it. One will then be around others and they will naturally tune into them, with their own needs fading into the background. At this point, it might not even occur to them that they have needs. The only thing that will be on their mind is the needs of others and doing what they can to fulfil their needs. Positive Feedback By being this way, there is a strong chance that they will be used to receiving a fair amount of approval from others. In general, other people could see them as ‘selfless’; someone who is only too happy to be there for others. Still, if these people were to take a step back, they might wonder why one comes across as though they are needless. It might be clear that they, like everyone else on this planet, have needs. A painful Existence Living in this way is going to mean that while one gives a lot, they are unlikely to receive very much. They will probably be used to running on empty, and this is going to mean that will experience a fair amount of anger and frustration. It might be hard for them to acknowledge how they feel, though, and they could do just about everything that they can to keep their pain at bay. Pleasing others could be the main way that this takes place, along with consuming certain things. A Mismatch Ultimately, as their life won’t reflect who they truly are, it is to be expected that they won’t truly be happy with how their life is. The life that they lead will be a reflection of what other people want and what they think they want. For this to change, they will need to be less focused on what is going on externally and more focused on what is taking place internally. This will give them the chance to tune into their own needs and to go about meeting them. An Uncomfortable Time They may find that this is easier said than done, with it being a challenge for them to connect to their own needs. And, even if they can connect to their needs, they might not feel comfortable enough to fulfil them. This could be a time when they experience a fair amount of fear and anxiety. It will then seem as though something bad will happen if they no longer purely focus on what other people want and start listening to themselves. A Closer Look One way of looking at this would be to say that what one is going through is irrational and that they need to just push through what is going on. Another way of looking at it would be to say that their early years were a time in their life when it was safe enough for them to be in their body, to relax and to listen to themselves. This would have been a time when they had to live on the surface of themselves and to focus on the needs of others. Living in their head would have allowed them to be hyperaware of what was going on externally and to tune into the needs of others, thereby making it easier for them to adapt to their environment. Back In Time The two big questions are: why wasn’t it safe for them to just be and why did they need to be hyper-vigilant at this stage of their life? This is likely to illustrate that they were brought up in an abusive environment. Perhaps they had at least one caregiver who was unpredictable and inconsistent, with them having the inclination to be physically, verbally and/or emotionally abusive. Therefore, being hyperaware of what was going on externally would have been a way for them to try to minimise the amount of harm that was inflicted on them. One Priority This would have been a time when their need to survive was far stronger than their need to have their needs met. To do this, they would have had to disconnect from themselves and to focus purely on what was going on around them. What they went through would have pushed them to the limit; it would have been as if they were in a war zone. The love, care and nurturance that they needed to be able to grow and develop wouldn’t have been provided. Awareness So, while what took place will be in the past, they will still carry the trauma that they experienced. This will need to be dealt with if they are to settle back down into their own body and to listen to their own needs. If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
One thing that someone may find, that’s if they are able to mentally detach from how they experience life, is that they don’t feel good about themselves. If they were to take an even closer look, they may see that they feel like a bad person.
Even so, this doesn’t mean that they have the tendency to do bad things and to mistreat others. When it comes to how they live their life, they could be someone who does a lot of good in the world. A Mismatch Therefore, there is going to be what is going on internally and what they do externally, with there being a massive difference. Thanks to how they usually feel and the thoughts that often run through their mind, it will be as though they are having a negative effect on the earth. If someone in their life was to find out about this, they could struggle to believe it. Undoubtedly, the view that one has of themselves won’t have any basis in reality. One Focus So, as a result of how they see themselves, they are going to have a strong need to behave in the ‘right’ way and to be a ‘good’ person. This could be seen as the only way that other people will accept them and want them in their life. It will be as if they are constantly being judged, with other people waiting for them to put a foot wrong. Naturally, it will be hard for them to just relax and to enjoy the life that they have been given. One Area When it comes to what one does for a living, they could have a job where they are directly helping others. This could mean that they work in the helping profession, for instance. By having a job like this, they will probably be used to receiving positive feedback from others. But, no matter how much positive feedback they receive, there is a strong chance that it won’t really go in. Stuck On a Treadmill As for their personal relationships, this could be another area of their life where they are always doing things for others. Around others, they could act more like a parental figure than a friend or a partner. Once again, as they feel so bad about themselves and unworthy, they will do far more than they need to. Not taking much in and giving so much is going to take its toll on them; they could often feel deeply frustrated and exhausted. A Heavy Burden Experiencing life in this way is likely to mean that they will typically lead to a miserable existence. If they were to look back on their life, they may see that they have been this way for a very long time. Ergo, for as long as they can remember, they will have felt bad and as though they don’t deserve to exist. Based on how they see themselves, the logical conclusion would be that they have done something bad at one stage of their life. Going Deeper If they were to look back on their adult life, they may find that nothing comes to mind, and the same thing could take place if they were to look back on their early years. Their view of themselves, along with how they feel, is then not going to have a cause. What this is likely to illustrate is how they see themselves is the result of the meaning that they attached to the experiences that they had as a child. This would have been a stage of their life when they were deeply wounded. Back In Time During this time, they may have been abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. This would have been a point in time when they were egocentric and would have lacked the ability to question what was going on; meaning that they would have taken what took place personally. It was then not that they were being treated badly because there was something wrong with their caregivers; it was that there was something inherently wrong with them. There would have been what happened and then there would have been the meaning that their mind made. Set Up To Suffer A time in their life that should have prepared them for the real world would have greatly undermined them. The years would have passed, causing one to lose touch with what happened. But, while their conscious mind would have lost touch with what actually happened, the emotional wounds and the meaning that was created at this stage of their life will have continued to affect them. Feeling bad and unworthy of life would have been seen as the truth, as opposed to a natural response to a stage of their life that was incredibly traumatic. The Truth Ultimately, one is not a bad person and they deserve to be here; what happened at this stage of their life had nothing to do with them. For them to realise this at the core of their being, not just at an intellectual level, they will need to work through the layers of trauma that are inside them. Simply changing what is taking place in their mind is unlikely to allow them to know this at the core of their being. This is a process and not something that will take place overnight. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer. For so long, they will have felt guilty and ashamed for a crime that they didn’t commit – punishing themselves for something that they themselves didn’t do. Now is the time for them to forgive themselves and to gradually move forward.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk Self-Worth: Can Childhood Trauma Cause Someone To Believe That They Have To Earn The Right To Exist?21/8/2020
If instead of doing what they usually do, someone was to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may see that it has been one big struggle. Nonetheless, this is not to say that they won’t have ever experienced good things or have good things in their life.
There is the chance that they will have most of the trappings that are associated with success, such as a nice car, a big house and a load of money in the bank, for instance. But, even if they do have these things, it won’t have come easy. A Battle Practically from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to sleep, they could push themselves to the limit. Living in this way will take a lot out of them and most of the material objects that they had might not do much for them overall. In fact, what they have could remind them of how hard they have worked and how hard they need to keep working in order to maintain the life that they have. If they were to describe what their life is like, they could say that it is like being on a treadmill that never stops. A Sense of Pride Still, they could feel proud of what they have achieved and how hard they have worked over the years. They could believe that working hard is the only way to achieve anything and that it is also the ‘right’ thing to do. Most of the people in their life could admire their work ethic, seeing them as an example of how to behave. So, although they will often feel worn down, they won’t be short of approval from others. The Other Side If this is their experience, it could be said that they will have used the power of their will to create a good life for themselves. On the other hand, if someone doesn’t live a life like this and they are not ‘successful’ in the material sense of the word, it could show that they have not tried to resist what is going on. They will have accepted that life is a struggle and decided that they are not going to jump through the hoops. This doesn’t mean that they will have totally given up and turned their back on society; it can just mean that they will be going through the motions in life. A Common Experience Through experiencing life in this way, there is the chance that they will have what is often described as a ‘victim mentality’. They could often feel powerless, helpless and as though they have very little control over their life. If ever they do work hard, they may typically find that they receive very little in return. It could seem as though they have to do twice as much as others just to receive the same as others or less. On The Outside After experiencing life in this way for as long as they can remember, they could carry a fair amount of anger, resentment and rage. Other people could be seen as being lucky or as having something that they themselves don’t have. Either way, they won’t receive the level of support that they need. What won’t have entered their mind is that the reason other people have different experiences is because that they have different beliefs. One Reality When it comes to someone who does feel supported and lives a life that often flows, they can believe that they deserve to be on this earth. As a result of this, they won’t have the need to earn their right to exist. The very fact that they are on this earth will be seen as evidence that they have a right to be here. By having this outlook, they will be able to just ‘be’ and to work with the universe, as opposed to needing to ‘do’ all the time and to make everything happen through force. Another Reality When it comes to someone who doesn’t feel supported and lives a life of struggle, they can believe that they don’t deserve to be on this earth. Consequently, they can have the need to constantly earn their right to exist. Therefore, while they will be on this earth, this won’t be seen as evidence that they deserve to be here. Due to this outlook, they won’t be able to just ‘be’ and to work with the universe; they will need to ‘do’ all the time and to make everything happen through force. What’s going on? The big question is: why would someone believe that they need to continually earn their right to be on this earth? What this can show is that their early years were a time when they were not given the nurturance, love and care that they needed to develop in the right way. They may have been neglected and forced to take care of their caregivers needs from a very young age. A time in their life when they were entitled to have their needs met and should have been able to just be, would have been a time when their needs were overlooked and they had to earn their right to receive and to be here. Awareness The feminine side of their being, the part of them that will allow them to just be and provide them with self-worth and a sense of deserving, won’t have developed. What will have developed is the masculine side of their being, the part of them that relates to the ‘doing’ and gives them courage, but won’t provide them with self-worth and a sense of deserving. If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Although someone’s early years will have left a big impact on their whole being, it doesn’t mean that they will realise this. In fact, they might not even think about what took place at this stage of their life.
Still, their body, their inner world and their view of the world could all indicate that this time of their life had a big effect on them. As they are unable to remember what took place, they will be aware of the effects of what took place but they won’t be aware of the cause. One Part When it comes to their body, they could spend a lot of time living in their head. From their neck down, or least from their hips down, they could typically feel numb. If so, they are not going to have a good connection to their needs and feelings, and they could often suffer from low energy. Their needs and feelings will be in their body and their energy will also rise up from the bottom of their being. Diminished As a result of not having a good connection to their body, they are seldom going to be aware of what it is that they truly need or how they feel. The outcome of this is that they could have the tendency to do what other people want, neglecting themselves in the process. And their life force in not going to be able to rise up to the top of their being, weakening them in the process. They might have a fair amount of mental energy but this won’t exactly fill them with life or give them the desire to take action. A Passive Existence Ultimately, the energy that they need to be able to truly embrace life will rarely be there. Thanks to this, they could often look towards others to make things happen, with them being drawn to people who come across as the complete opposite to them. One will then be dependent on people like this, seeing them as possessing something that they themselves don’t have. Another consequence of this is that one could be used to being controlled, and even dominated, by people like this. The Second Part When it comes to their inner world, they generally might not feel anything, as was mentioned above. However, as numb as they often may be, there will probably be moments when they feel overwhelmed. This will be a time when their thinking brain goes offline and their being is filled with terror; it will seem as though their life is about to come to an end. They could have this experience if they are around someone who is violent or when they think about standing up for themselves, for instance. The Third Part When it comes to how they perceive the world, it could be seen as somewhere that is unsafe and dangerous, due to them projecting their own terror into the world. No matter how calm and peaceful somewhere appears to be, they could believe that it could change at any moment. Through being this way, it will be normal for them to experience a fair amount of anxiety and to be on edge. Naturally, living in this way is going to make it hard for them to be at peace and it won’t be good for their overall health. An Adaption From the outside, they could be described as someone who is passive, easy-going and even neurotic. They are unlikely to stand out or to leave a mark on the world that much is clear. Yet, how they come across won’t be a reflection of who they truly are, it will simply be a way for them to handle the pain that they are in. If they were to work through their trauma, it is highly likely that they would radically change. Going Deeper If they were able to reconnect to what took place when they were younger, what is going on would start to make sense. Their brain will have blocked out what took place in order to protect them. This may have been a time in their life when they were abused and/or neglected on a weekly, if not daily, basis. A time when they should have felt safe and secure would have been a time when they often felt as though they were going to be annihilated. The Only Option As they were completely powerless and dependent on their caregivers, they wouldn’t have been able to run away or to fight back. So, along with being very submissive (the fawn response), they would have had no other choice than to disconnect from their body. This would have been the only way to stop themselves from being overwhelmed by the arousal that they were experiencing. There would have been no need for them to think about this either as it would have just happened. Frozen What they went through will have passed but they will have continued to be in this shutdown state. This will prevent them from being able to operate as a whole human being and keep most of their life force at bay. For this to change, they will need to slowly work through the layers of trauma that are inside them. Due to how much pain there is inside them, this is not something that can be rushed. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperAuthor, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant - With Over 2,000,000 Article Views Online. Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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