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If someone has the tendency to believe that the world is against them and that they play no part in what takes place in their life, it is likely to show that they have a victim mentality. Through having this outlook, one is going to be nothing more than an observer of their life.
Their life will be controlled by others and there will be very little that they can do to change it. It is then going to be normal for them to feel powerless and this could mean that they often feel angry. From The Outside To someone who doesn’t have a victim mentality, it will be clear that this person is playing a big part in how they experience life. It won’t be that they are just observing life; they will be a co-creator of their life. However, what could come to their mind is that as one is so caught up in what is going on, they are unable to realise this. The antidote will then be for this person to take a step back and to reflect on the part that they are playing. One Hurdle Now, while stepping back and reflecting would allow one to gradually see that they are not merely a passive observer of their life; they are likely to live in a society that encourages them to hold onto this view. For example, the mainstream media often paints people as victims; there is rarely any attention given to the part that someone’s conscious and unconscious mind has played in an experience that they have had. One way of looking at this would be to say that the reason that this source does this is to keep as many people as possible in a disempowered state. Naturally, it is a lot easier to control people if they feel powerless. Another Hurdle If one is surrounded by people that also have a similar outlook, and this could be both friends and family, this can help to keep them looked into this way of seeing life. These people will help to validate their way of perceiving life. Letting go of this outlook could also be seen as something that would cause them to lose the people in their life, giving them another reason to hold onto a way of seeing life that is holding them back. Letting go of this outlook will be in their best interest but it can be seen as being something that is not worth the risk. One More And even if one was able to take a step back and to see that they are not a victim, it doesn’t mean that this would be the end of it and that their life would change overnight. Due to what is taking place inside them, they can continue to have moments when they go back into this way of seeing themselves. This mentality will have permeated every part of their life, so it is to be expected that it won’t just be a case of having a eureka moment and that’s the end of it. Thus, one can see that they are not a victim in one moment, only to see themselves as a victim in the next. A Process What will have a big effect on how they experience life are the beliefs that they have. Taking this into account, if these beliefs are not brought up the light and questioned, one will continue to have the same experiences and to interpret what happens in the same way. Along with questioning what they believe, then, they will need to be mindful of how they respond to the experiences that they have. If they notice that they are going into victim mode, they can detach from what is taking place and breathe deeply. The Pull This can take place without them blaming or having a go at themselves; they just need to notice what is taking place. It might even seem as though their mind is addicted to seeing life in this way, which is why it takes effort to experience life differently. Experiencing life in this way won’t allow them to lead a fulfilling life, but their mind will get something from it. What is familiar is what is safe to the mind, and having a victim mentality will be what is familiar to their mind. Seeing it through Having this understanding can make it easier for one to be compassionate towards themselves when they go back into this mode. It will be what their mind craves, so it will take time to phase it out. The main thing is that they are no longer completely caught up in this outlook and are putting in the effort to gradually remove it from their being. Everything starts with taking the first step, and they will have done that. Awareness Another thing, if one is carrying trauma, it can be a lot harder for them to let go of this mentality. For example, if they were abused as a child, this would have been a time when they were a powerless victim. When it comes to resolving this trauma or any other type of trauma, one may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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One thing that is often spoken about in self-development is the importance of being present. In some cases, this is seen as the answer to every problem and, in others, it is just seen as something that will allow someone to function better.
So when someone is present, they won’t be caught up in what happened in the past and they won’t be caught up in what might happen in the future either. Their attention will be in the now. An Illusion It has been said that there is no such thing as the past or the future and that there is only an ever-present now moment. Even so, someone’s mind will create the impression that there is a past and a future. Therefore, while there will only be the present, someone will have a mind that won’t be able to accept this. One way of looking at this would be to say that their mind has to be this way or else it wouldn’t have a reason to exist. Embracing Life When one is able to live a life where they generally live in the present moment, they won’t be weighed down by what has happened in the past or caught up in what they think might happen in the future. They will be in the now, which is the only place where they will have any power. Also, through being in the moment, they will be able to focus and to fully show up. Their awareness is then not going to be in their head, focusing on something else – it will be in their body, in the present moment. Another Benefit What they are also likely to find, as a result of living in this way, is that it is a lot easier for them to respond to life. Being in their body and in the now moment will mean that they won’t be caught up in something that took place last week or last year, for instance. If they were, not only would it stop them from being able to be present, but it could also cause them to overreact to something. Another person could politely ask them something and they could end up losing it. A Pleasant Experience Being this way, then, will stop them from getting worked up and having a go at someone for no reason. This is naturally going to have a positive effect on their relationships, with the people in their life knowing that one typically won’t get worked up over nothing. These people can feel comfortable around them and know that it is safe for them to talk to them about most things. One is not going to be seen as someone who is unstable and expects other people to walk on eggs shells around them. Staying Centred If they did have the tendency to get worked up, it probably wouldn’t do their health any good in the long run. Thus, being present is going to make it easier for them to make good decisions and it will be easier for them to stay calm and relaxed. Another part of this is that when there is unrest around them, they won’t need to get pulled into what is taking place. Once again, this will be good for their health and their ability to think rationally in such moments. A Very Different Reality Although this is how some people will experience life, there are going to be plenty of others that have a very different experience. For someone like this, they may rarely be in the present moment. Most of their time could be spent thinking about what took place in the past and what might happen in the future. This will show that they find it hard to be in their body and to be in the now moment. Unaware Nonetheless, it doesn’t mean that one will realise that this is what is taking place. Instead, they may typically believe that what is taking place in their mind is a reflection of what is taking place externally. What this means is that one is going to be projecting what is taking place in their mind onto the external world without even being aware of it. Living in this way is likely to take a lot out of them, with them spending a lot of time feeling exhausted. A Closer Look It could be normal for them to overreact and to create unnecessary drama, to feel fearful and scared when they are completely safe, and to think irrationally and to make poor decisions. It could seem that they just need to learn how to observe their mind and to not get caught up in what is taking place inside them. This could be it, or what it may show is that they are carrying a fair amount of trauma. If one has been this way for as long as they can remember, it may show is that their early years were anything but nurturing. A Rough Time During this stage of their life, they may have experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect. The view that they have of the world and the people in it as an adult will be a reflection of what it was like for them as a child. It won’t matter how many years have passed since this time in their life as they will still be carrying the trauma that they experienced. Until this is dealt with, it will be more or less impossible for them to embrace the present moment. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to transform their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
While there can be moments in just about everyone’s life when they feel bitter about what someone else has or what they have achieved, there can be others that have a very different experience. For someone like this, this can be something that they experience on a regular basis.
It might not matter if they are around others or if they are online, as they could find something that ends up pushing their buttons, so to speak. As a result of this, it is likely to be hard for them to feel good about themselves and their own life. The Great Divide There will be what other people have and have achieved and then, there will be what one has and what they have achieved. It might seem as though everyone else is doing better than they are in this regard. If this is the case, it will most likely also illustrate that one doesn’t compare themselves with where they started from; they compare themselves with others. This is going to be another thing that causes them to feel weighed down. Two Parts So the fact that what other people have and have achieved has a negative effect on them can show that they believe there is not enough. As for comparing themselves with others, this can show that they don’t feel comfortable in their own skin. Therefore, in order for them to experience life differently, they will need to look into these two areas. There are likely to be a number of beliefs inside them that are playing a big part here. A Closer Look When it comes to the former, one may find that there are certain things that have a big effect on them. For example, if they were to hear about a friend who has just started a relationship, they could experience a very strong reaction. Alternatively, this could take place if a friend has started a new job or has got a promotion. On the outside, one may create the impression that they are happy for this person but this won’t match up with how they feel on the inside. Out of Reach If they were able to detach from how they feel and to observe their inner experience, they may find that they feel angry, frustrated, and powerless. With all this going on, it is not going to be a surprise that they are unable to truly be happy for what is taking place in their friend’s life. Due to how they feel, there is the chance that they believe that there is only so much to go around. Thus, as their friend has what that they themselves want, it will mean that they can’t have it. A Lack Mentality And as this is what they believe, this is what their reality will mirror back to them. The experiences that they have in life will reflect what they believe, yet their mind will create the impression that they are merely observing reality. This is a clear example of how what someone believes can either allow them to lead an abundant life or a life of lack and scarcity. It also shows how much control they have over how they experience life. Back In Time Perhaps there was a time in their life when another person having something did mean that they themselves couldn’t have it. This could have been something that was the truth during their early years. With there being only so much to go around, there might have been times when there was only enough for some of their family members. During these moments, they may have had to go without what they needed/wanted. A Losing Battle When it comes to the latter, one is likely to see how their life compares with others when it comes to how well they are doing. By being this way, they are going to be caught up with what is taking place externally. It is then not going to matter where they started or what they have overcome as they will always come up short. Through living life in this way, it will be perfectly normal for them to feel bad about themselves. A New Approach If they were to stop doing this and started to compare their life with where they started off from, it would be a lot easier for them to feel good about themselves. What they can think about is that they are on their own path in life; a path that is different to the path that anyone else is on. Another thing that they can bear in mind is that they don’t know where another person started from or what they have had to overcome. This will be something that is a lot easier to do when they are comfortable in their own skin. Awareness So, if one finds that they do have the tendency to feel jealous, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer. There will be the beliefs that they need to work through when it comes to their being enough and the beliefs that they have about their own value. Changing these beliefs, along with working through any emotional wounds that they have, will allow them to realise that there is enough, to be happy for what other people have and have achieved, and for them to feel comfortable with themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone finds it hard to support themselves as an adult, it is likely to cause them to experience a fair amount of frustration, to say the least. This could mean that they don’t have a job or that the job that they have doesn’t pay them enough.
If this is how their life has been for a little while it would be hard enough, but as this is how their life has more or less always been it will be even harder for them to handle. This could be seen as just how life is and something that they have to put up with. A Helping Hand Regardless of whether they have a job or not, one or both of their parents could help them out financially. Therefore, although experiencing life in this way will be frustrating, it doesn’t mean that they will have to go without what they need to survive. In fact, they might do far better than that, with them receiving what they need to lead a good life. Fortunately, then, their parent/s will be there for them; if this wasn’t the case, their life would be a lot harder. Part of Life If one believes that this is just how their life is and there is nothing that they can do, they probably won’t look into what they can do to change their circumstances. So as frustrating as this is, it will be something that they have to tolerate. This not to say that one won’t try to get a job if they don’t have one; no, what it means is that they won’t try to get a job that allows them to stand on their own two feet. And if one does have a job, they might not try to get a promotion or a better-paid job. Another Approach However, one might not be willing to accept that this is just how their life is and may look for answers. They could end up looking online or they could read a book on self-development, for instance. During this time, they could come across information that says that their life is the way it is because they don’t value themselves. Thus, once they start to value who they are, their life will change. Self-Sabotage Based on this, one will have been preventing themselves from earning enough money, not someone or something out there. The key here will be for them to take the time to develop their own self-worth. This can be a time when they will need to question what they believe about themselves, to use affirmations, and to change their thoughts. Up until this point, they might not have even looked into what was taking place inside them. A New Life By putting in the work and doing what they need to do to raise their self-worth, they may find that their life gradually starts to change. If they haven’t got a job, they could end up getting a job that pays them well. Alternatively, they could end up getting a promotion or they could leave where they work and get a better-paid job. Either way, the amount of money that they need from their parent/s could start to decrease. Another Outcome Then again, while their self-worth could increase, this area of their life might not change. One will then have done what was recommended, but they won’t have achieved what they expected to achieve. If they felt frustrated before, they could now feel even worse. At this stage, their mind could come to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing that they can do to change this area of their life. Is There More To It? Nevertheless, what his could illustrate is that it wasn’t that they didn’t value themselves enough; it was due to another reason. To find out what this reason is, they may need to imagine that they can support themselves and that they no longer need their parent/s. While this could be a time when they feel good, it could be a time when they have the opposite experience. What they may find is that they feel disconnected from their parents/s and as though their love has been taken away. A Deeper Look If this is so, there is the chance that their parent/s found it hard to show them love during their early years and that they could only do this by giving them things. Ergo, if one no longer needs anything from them, it could cause them to feel disconnected from them. The very thing that allowed them to feel connected to them, ‘things’, will no longer be needed, creating a sense of separation. Not being able to support themselves will be frustrating on one level, but on another level, it will allow them to feel connected. Two Levels What this emphasises is that there is what is taking place at a conscious level and then there is what is taking place at an unconscious level. When one can connect to what is taking place at a deeper level, the answers that they need are likely to be revealed before long. At this deeper level, part of them is going to believe that they need to continue to experience life in this way to stay connected to their parent/s and to be loved. This belief will need to be changed and there can be all of the emotional wounds that they will need to work on. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
One thing that can cause someone to get into self-development is if their life is not very fulfilling. What this can mean is that they haven’t been able to make much progress in life or perhaps they have made progress, but they have only been able to get so far.
Either way, they will be looking for a way to move forward and to life a more enriching life. If they have read a number of books and watched a fair amount of videos, they may have an idea as to why their life is the way that it is. It’s clear They could believe that the reason their life is the way it is is because they lack self-esteem. Therefore, once they are able to increase their self-esteem, their life will gradually start to change. What this will illustrate is that they are going to be in a position where they don’t believe that they deserve to experience life differently. The view that they have of themselves is then going to be what is holding them back. Moving Forward One could end up using affirmations, replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts, and changing what they believe. After doing this for a little while, they may find that their life starts to change. At one point, it will have been as though they had their foot on the break and now this foot will be on the accelerator. They will start to make progress or they could rise to even greater heights. A Different Outcome Then again, one may find that even though their life does change, not a lot happens. Alternatively, they may find that they start to move forward, only to end up where they were a short while ago. This could be a time when they feel really low and wonder if their life will ever change. If this does happen, it might not be long until they get back on their feet and start to think about why this has taken place. A Closer Look What may become clear as time goes by is that they have a fear of being seen. It is then not that they don’t believe that they deserve to experience life differently; it is that they don’t feel safe enough to experience life differently. Therefore, the reason that they haven’t able to make progress, or have only made a certain amount, will be due to the fact that going further will be seen as something that would put their very survival at risk. After becoming aware of this, they may struggle to understand what is going on. An Irrational Outlook They might come to believe that there is no reason for them to see life in this way, especially as they are a grown adult who lives in a relatively safe country. This fear will then be coming from a belief that has no basis in reality. By bringing this belief out into the light and questioning it, they may find that its hold on them starts to diminish. At the same time, it might not be this easy and they could find that this belief is hard to change. Going Deeper Now, while their conscious mind might believe that there is no reason for them to have a fear of being seen, their unconscious mind will have a very different view. To this part of them, it won’t be safe enough for them to be seen; it won’t just be seen as something that they belief. What took place during their early years may have played a big part when it comes to how this part of them perceives reality. This may have been a time in their life when it wasn’t safe for them to be seen. Hiding Means Surviving When they were a child, they may have had to hide themselves and to put on an act. If they expressed who they were, they may have been rejected and/or abandoned, and they may have been harmed. Additionally, the environment where they lived may have been so dysfunctional that they had to physically hide to avoid being harmed. This might not have stopped them from being harmed, but it may have minimised the damage that was done. The Body Remembers This stage of their life would have been a time when they experienced a lot of trauma. There would have been the so-called small-t traumas and there would have been a lot of the so-called big-t traumas too. The years would have passed, causing their conscious mind to forget about what happened, but their unconscious mind will have remembered what took place. This part of them will be in control their life. Awareness Taking this into account, it will be essential for one to resolve the trauma that is being held in their body. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer. As they start to settle down and begin to feel as though it is safe enough for them to be seen, their life will change. This is something that will take patience and persistence.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
If someone has a victim mentality, they are unlikely to see themselves as playing a part in how they experience life. Whether something does or doesn’t happen to them is going to be out of their hands.
One will be nothing more than an observer of their life, with life being something that happens to them. Through experiencing life in this way, it is going to be normal for them to be angry and even full of rage. The Only Option So as they have no control over their life, the only way their life will change is if the people around them change. Once this takes place, they will be able to have some control over their life. Thus, regardless of whether these people realise it or not, one’s life will be in their hands. One could wait around until they change or they could try to make them change their behaviour. A Passive Approach Waiting around or even trying to change another person’s behaviour is unlikely to fill them with energy, but it will be seen as the only option that they have. The direct approach of changing their own life won’t be an option, so they will have to settle for trying to change others. Not only may they try to change individuals, they may even try to change the world. What this means is that they may join certain movements that try to change others, with these being movements that are also filled with people that have a victim mentality. Two Sides Here, people who see themselves as a victim can try to get their own back on the people that they see as perpetrators. There will then be the oppressed on one side, with their being the oppressors on the other. This will be something that is completely black and white; there will be no other way of seeing it. As a result of having this outlook, one may see themselves as being a morally superior human being. A Good Person Unlike the people who are making their life a misery, one can see themselves as someone who is living in the right way. They will then be living a miserable existence, but at least they won’t be harming others. And if they are part of a group, this is likely to be an outlook the most of the other people have. The trouble here is that if they are surrounded by people that also have similar experience and the same outlook as they do, it is going to be a lot harder for them to change their life. Stuck Ultimately, in order for them transform their life, they will need to spend less time focusing on what is taking place externally and more time on what is taking place internally. This will allow them to see how their inner world is influencing their outer world. In other words, they will need to develop self-awareness as this will most likely be what frees them from the invisible prison that they live in. This will be what allows them to see that they are not merely an observer of their reality. Two Parts Not only will their five senses allow them to experience life, but what they experience will be influenced by what is taking place inside them. Without self-awareness, however, one will only be aware of the first part. It is then going to be as if they are ordering food that they don’t want and then complain when they get it. For them to get the ‘food’ that they want, they will need to change what they are ordering. Waking Up So as they are not aware of the part that they are playing when it comes to how they experience reality, it is to be expected that they would feel like a victim. The reason that they haven’t developed self-awareness may be because of what took place during their early years. Perhaps this was a time when they experienced a lot of trauma, thereby stopping their brain from developing in the right way. Even if this is the case, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t anything that they can do to develop it. One Option What can help them to develop a better connection with their inner world is mediation and spending time in nature. By meditating a few times a week, one can start to notice what is taking place inside them and their brain can gradually change in the process This is something that will require patience and discipline but it can be what allows them to turn the light on and to see that they are not a powerless victim. They will start to become aware of the thoughts, emotions and feelings that they have, and how these things influence what they see and experience. A Deeper Level Another part of this will be for them to look into what they believe and what is taking place in their unconscious mind. What they will gradually come to see is that it is not just what is taking place in their conscious mind that affects their life There will also be what is taking place in their unconscious mind or body. When it comes to what is taking place in their body, this will typically relate to the parts of themselves that they have disconnected from due to how painful they are. Awareness If one does find that they are carrying a lot of pain in their body, they may need to reach out for external support. With the assistance of a therapist or a healer, they will be able to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk People Pleasing: Why Do Some People Believe That They Will Be Rejected If They Don’t Please Others?27/10/2019
While someone will have their own needs, it doesn’t mean that they will pay attention to them. Instead, they can have the tendency to do what other people want and what they think they want.
As a result of this, their life is not going to be an expression of who they are. Living in this way may allow them to receive a fair amount of approval but what it probably won’t do is allow them to live a fulfilling life. The Norm If they were able to take a step back and to reflect on their life, they may find that their life has been this for as long as they can remember. It could then seem as though this is just how life is and that there is absolutely nothing that they can do. Thus, living in this way can cause then to experience a fair amount of anger and frustration with their being moments when they feel totally powerless, yet they will just have to tolerate it. Their true-self won’t see the light of day and the people in their life might not even realise that they are hiding who they are. It’s Automatic So when one is around others, they will generally behave in a way that doesn’t reflect who they are. They will then rarely need to think about how to behave as this will be something that just happens. In addition to how they behave, there will be the way in which they live their life that doesn’t match up with who they are. This can relate to the where they live and the type of job that they have, for instance. For Example When it comes to their behaviour, they could come across as submissive and easy going. Due to this, speaking their mind and standing their ground is unlikely to be something that takes place very often. As for where they live and their job, they could live somewhere that is not a good fit for them and have a job that doesn’t match up with their values. Living where they live and doing what they do is not going to energise them or lift them up. Hiding In plain Sight Irrespective of how they behave or live their life, there is going to be no need for them to spend time by themselves in order for them to hide, as they will do this when they are around others. And even if they are outgoing and are classed as ‘successful’, they are still not going to be standing in their power and shinning their light. Thanks to the fact that they are not expressing who they are, they will be holding themselves back. If they lack self-awareness, it may seem as though other people are holding them back. The Benefit Nonetheless, if they were able to take a step back and to imagine that they have changed their behaviour and their life, they may find that it doesn’t take long until a number of fears come up. There is also the chance that they have come into contact with these fears whenever they have behaved differently and made changes in their life. During this time, they may find that a fear of being rejected and then abandoned arises. If this is so, it may show that they believe that they will only be accepted if they do what other people want and what they think they want. Life and Death Not doing this is going to be seen as something that would put their very survival at risk. If one didn’t have this belief, they would be able to be themselves without needing to worry about not being accepted by others. There would be plenty of people that wouldn’t accept them, of course, but there would most likely be plenty of people that would. With this in mind, it will be essential for them to change what they believe. A Closer Look If one has experienced life in this way for as long as they can remember, there is the chance that their early years were a time when the love that they received was conditional. What this means is that they didn’t receive real love. When they were younger, they may have only been accepted and approved of if they behaved in a certain way and did what their caregivers wanted. This would have stopped them from being able to develop self-love and to feel comfortable in their own skin, setting them up to believe that they could only survive if they did what other people wanted. Stuck In The Past Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life, but they will still see life in the same way. Not only will there be the beliefs that will need to be changed, there will also be the emotional pain and trauma that they will need to work through. It is then not just going to be about what is taking place in their head, it will also be about what is taking place in their body. Dealing with both of these parts will allow them to become whole and complete and to embrace the love that is inside them. Awareness If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
In general, it is believed that if someone gets ill it is not because they want to be ill. What this then means is that not one part of their being will want to experience life in this way.
If someone wanted to prove that this is the case, they could put forward at least two reasons. Firstly, they could say that no one would want to be ill as there is nothing pleasant about being ill. It’s Clear Secondly, they could say that if someone wanted to be ill, they wouldn’t do anything about what they are going through. So the fact that someone will take something and/or see their Doctor, for instance, will add further weight to this view. Another reason that can be put forward is that being ill can stop someone from being able to live their life, which will be the last thing that they will want. It can then seem as though there is only one way of looking at this. A Different Route Another approach that would probably lead to the same outcome is if someone was to speak to a number of people that were ill and to ask them if they are choosing to be this way. There is a strong chance that not one of them would say that this is the case. Some of these people, after having been asked this question, might even end up getting annoyed. They might feel deeply offended and wonder why they would even be asked such a question. Moving On If this was to take place, one could end up feeling as though they had done something wrong. What could also play part in how they feel is all of the conditioning that they have received from a very young age. If they live in the western world, they may have been told over and over again that people just get ill. This is then something that is out of their hands and, as a result of this, it will be normal for them to feel bad for questioning this view after having years and years of being programmed to see themselves, and others, as a victim. Two Levels However, although someone can say something convincingly, it doesn’t mean that what they are saying is completely accurate. What this comes down to is that there can be what is taking place in ones conscious mind and then there can be what is taking place in their so-called unconscious mind. Therefore, while one can believe that they have just become ill, it could be because of something that is taking place at a deeper level. Yet, if they are not aware of what is going on there, it is to be expected that they will see themselves as someone who has played no part in it. One Example Let’s say that after working really hard and neglecting themselves in the process, one ends up bedridden. By being ill, they will have to take care of certain needs that they have been ignoring. Perhaps they have the tendency to ignore their own needs due to not feeling comfortable with them. By being ill, they will have no other choice than to look after their own needs. Going Deeper For someone else, they may have the inclination to cover up how they feel and to make out that everything is always fine. This could show that they are carrying a lot of shame, which prevents them from revealing who they really are and their needs. Consequently, being ill can be a way for them to finally drop their defences and to reveal who they are and their needs around others. Thanks to this, they will be able to be authentic and to get some of their needs met. The Purpose In each of these cases, one will have certain needs that they are not taking care of but by being ill, they will be able to take care of some, if not all, of them. What his illustrates is that if one doesn’t consciously take care of a need, they will unconsciously look for a way to meet it. The downside here is that this can cause them to manifest something that will harm them in some way. One can then become ill and then recover shortly after, only to go through the same thing all over again, or they can stay ill for a very long time. A New Beginning For their life to change, it will be essential for them to look into what they believe about themselves and their own needs. The truth is that there is nothing wrong with who they really are or their own needs. To realise this, they will need to bring their beliefs to the light and to question them. Once they begin to see themselves and their needs differently, they will be able to be themselves and fulfil their needs without becoming ill. Awareness If one finds that this is too confusing or that they are carrying a lot of pain, they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
What someone may find is that they can handle a fair amount of stimulation without feeling washed out. So, one could wake up and check their phone, spend most of their day around others, and even go out in the evening, and everything could be fine.
Along with this, there can be all the time that they spend around others on their way to work and on their way home, along with the people that they come across on their way to see friends in the evening and on their way back. Once they get home, they could continue to be stimulated by looking through their Smartphone. The Norm This could be how they experience life throughout the week and, once the weekend arrives, they could still experience a fair amount of stimulation. After a while, however, they could get to the point where they need a break. When this takes place, they could end up going on a holiday for a week or so, only to come back and live in the same way. Living in this way may take a lot out of them, and they may find that they experience a fair amount of adrenaline, but this is likely to be what feels comfortable. A Momentary Release If they need to wind down and they don’t go away, what they could do is take part in some kind of class. For example, they could end up doing some kind of yoga, meditation, or take part in a dance class. Taking or drinking something could be another way for them to relax. What could also allow them to relax, while also stimulating them, is watching a film or a series on one of the many streaming services that are available. Another Area If they are in a relationship and they have an argument with their partner, it might not really faze them. In fact, they might even enjoy having it out with their partner, with this being a way for them to release tension. As a result of this, they might unconsciously look for things to argue about. Their partner might need as much stimulation as they do or they might do what they can to limit the amount of stimulation in their life. A Different Life Although this is how some people experience life, there are going to be others that are unable to live in this way. For someone like this, the modern-day world could be far too stimulating for them. Ergo, they will probably have the need to limit the amount of time that they spend around others and the amount of time that they spend online. If they don’t do this, it won’t be long before they will feel washed out. Outer Directed Even so, one could have moments in their life when they ignore their own needs and end up going along with what other people want. Behaving in this way may allow them to receive approval, but what it won’t do is allow them to take care of themselves. Once this has taken place, it might not be long until they realise that they should have paid attention to their own needs. The key will be for them to listen to themselves, not to focus on pleasing other people. Wired Differently One will be a human being just like the people who can handle a lot of stimulation; what will most likely be different is their brain and nervous system. This will be why they are unable to handle as much stimulation and need to live differently. This doesn’t mean that there is something inherently wrong with them or that they are ‘special’. With this in mind, one doesn’t need to feel ashamed and they don’t need to feel superior to others either. A Gift or a Curse What is likely to define whether or not being this way is something that causes them problems or enhances their life is how they live their life. If they listen to their needs and do what they need to do to look after themselves, they can thrive. Being highly sensitive won’t be something that causes them to suffer; it will be something that allows them to deeply embrace life. Due to how sensitive they are, it can be as though they are super present, and this can mean that they take life in at a deeper level. A Big Impact One won’t need to take anything to feel alive and to be more responsive to their surroundings; they will be this way naturally. Like a sponge, they can pick up just about everything that is going on around them. And while this can give them a unique outlook on life, it also means that their whole being will end up being overwhelmed if they don’t take a step back and allow themselves to recharge. This is why spending time alone and being in nature is so important for their mental and emotional wellbeing. Too Much If they don’t do this, and they have too much stimulation, they can find it hard to function and they can suffer unnecessarily. Their heightened sensitivity, something that can benefit them and the world in numerous ways, will then be a problem. Instead of being able to take life in and to empathise with others, they can end up feeling numb and disconnected from themselves and others. At other times, their emotions could be totally out of control and this will cause them to be all over the place. Awareness What this emphasises is how vital it is for someone to live in the right way if they are sensitive. When they are able to do so, being this way will no longer need to feel like a burden. If one is sensitive and they can see that they are not living in the right way, it will be essential for them to change their life. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
Nowadays, mental and emotional problems receive a lot of coverage in the media and there are plenty of people that talk about them on social media. Therefore, what is taking place is a far cry from how things used to be.
In the past, mental and emotional problems were rarely spoken about and, if someone was trying to work on their issues, they would often be labelled as someone who was working with a ‘shrink’. It was then not that they were doing the right thing by reaching out; no, it was as if they were doing something that was shameful. A Lot Has Changed What they were doing wasn’t right and they would have been working with someone who was just trying to pry into their life. In reality, this probably would have been someone who was actually trying to assist them. Fortunately, reaching out for support is not always seen in this light and the people that offer support are generally seen in a different light, too. Ultimately, this is exactly how it should be. No Different If someone has a problem with their car or if they have a physical problem, they are likely to do something about it. They will have a problem and they will take the next step. Shame has undoubtedly played a part in why so many people have kept their inner problems to themselves. They would then have been in a bad way, but the fear of being cast aside and even ostracised would have prevented them from reaching out and doing something about what they were going through. A Slow Process But for every person that does reach out for support, there are probably a number of people that keep what they are going through to themselves. For people like this, the view that they have more to lose than they have to gain by opening up will be causing them unnecessary problems. Nonetheless, as more is done in society to encourage people to get the help that they need if they are not in a good way, it should gradually become easier for people like this to do something about what they are going through. For someone like this, it will be important for them to realise that having inner problems doesn’t make them unlovable or less-than anyone else. Two Sides It would be easy to say that what is taking place in society, when it comes to mental and emotional problems, is good. There is then nothing about it that is making matters worse and creating unnecessary problems. However, what this would overlook is the fact that what it means to be human is slowly being redefined. For example, if someone experiences anxiety or feels down from time to time, they can be seen as someone who has mental and emotional problems. Pathologizing the Human Experience Someone can then come to believe that they have mental and emotional problems; when in truth, they might not have anything wrong with them. What they are experiencing can simply be a normal part of being human. But, by being conditioned to believe that they have a problem, they can end up creating a problem out of nothing. One is then not going to develop a healthy relationship with their inner world or learn how to accept the different inner experiences that they have The Solution After developing this outlook, they can pay a visit to their doctor and end up being put on medication. Not only might this stop them from feeling anxious or down, it might stop them from being able to feel altogether. One of the things that makes them human – the ability to feel – will have been stripped from them, and this is going to make it a lot harder for them to enjoy their time on this earth. What this will do is allow the drug industry to make even more money; surely they wouldn’t be behind the all this just make more money? Another Point Also, what this focus on mental and emotional problems has done is created the impression that it is normal to have them. It is then not that there is anything wrong with society or that one has experienced some kind of trauma; it is just that this is how life is. This takes away the need to change what is going on in society and for people to deal with their own trauma. In other words, it is a great way to make people passive, to simply tolerate how the world is and to avoid their own inner wounds. A Badge of Honour And due to the amount of exposure that mental and emotional problems have had, there are people that have formed an identity around them. Their mind will have got attached to what is going on for them, which will make it even harder for them to change their life. To this part of them, no longer having mental and emotional problems would be seen as something that would cause them to die. What this shows is that the mind can form an identity around anything. A Big Difference Anyway, while being anxious, fearful, depressed and angry, for instance, from time to time is just part of life, that doesn’t mean that always being this way is a normal part of life. If someone is practically always anxious, fearful, depressed and angry, for instance, it is likely to show that something isn’t right. Apart from living in a very dysfunctional environment, this could show that someone is carrying a lot of trauma. What’s more, it could show that their diet is not good and are nutritionally deficient, they are not getting enough sleep or exercise, and that their relationships are not very fulfilling. Awareness It could be said that while mainstream society has come a long way when it comes to mental and emotional heath, it has a very long way to go. For society to actually make people well as opposed to the opposite, it is clear that a lot needs to change. Still, this doesn’t mean that someone just has to hang in there until this happens – this could take many decades anyhow. There are a number of things that someone can do, such as healing their inner wounds, eating the right foods, getting enough sleep, exercising, mediating, and having healthy relationships, for instance, and, as they do this, their influence can start to change the society that they live in.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk |
 Oliver JR CooperTeacher, Author, Transformational Writer & Consultant - With Over 2,000,000 Article Views Online. Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
My Books...
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part One
Trapped Emotions
Childhood
A Dialogue With The Heart - Part Two
Toxic Shame
Abandonment
Child Abuse
A Dialogue With The Spirit
Trapped Grief
Why Does He Behave That Way? Why Do I Behave This Way?
Boundaries
Inner Child
Childhood Trauma
People Pleasing
Loyalty
Trauma
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