It is often said that it is down to parents to give their children what they need so that they can handle the world. At times, this is something that takes place, and at other times, this is something that doesn’t take place.
As a result of this, one can look like an adult from the outside but they can feel like a vulnerable child on the inside. Yet, if one doesn’t feel this way, it can be a sign that they have completely disconnected from themselves.
When this takes place, one is going to be playing the role of an adult; nothing more, nothing less. This is then similar to how an actor can play the role of a criminal, and this is going to be radically different to what they are like in the real world.
There is the chance that the people who they come into contact with generally go along with how they behave. The average person is then going to believe that this is a reflection of who they are.
Now and Then
But while one can typically be out of touch with what is taking place within them, they could still find that there are moments when they are unable to keep the pain that is within them at bay. During this time, they could end up feeling depressed, and they might even feel like a fraud.
And through playing a role, it could be normal for them to feel incredibly isolated from the world. It is then not going to matter if they are around others, as they won’t be able to truly connect to anyone.
If one is experiencing life in this way, they could believe that this is just how life is; there is then going to be nothing that they can do about it. That’s if they allow themselves to acknowledge the pain they are in.
Now, if they were aware of what happened during their early years, they might realise that there is nothing abnormal about how they are experiencing life. They are simply doing what they can to handle the pain that is within them.
However, although some people can act as though they have it altogether, there are going to be others who don’t. The average person is then going to see that they are unable to handle life.
Due to how they come across, they may find that it is not uncommon for people to take advantage of them. Not only that, it could be a challenge for them to support themselves, and so they may feel like a parasite.
When it comes to the former, other people could see them as being strong and confident. There is the chance that they have been able to rise to a certain position where it comes to their career, and so they might not have trouble taking care of their survival needs.
On the other hand, when it comes to the latter, other people could see them as being weak. If they have a job, it could be one that they don’t enjoy, and it could be a challenge for them to meet most, if not all, of their needs.
Their Biggest Fear
What can define how they behave can be the fear of being abandoned, and this can mean that they are dependent on others. Through being this way, it is not going to be possible for them to have relationships with others that are in balance.
And it might not matter who they are with as long as they are with someone; thereby increasing their chances of being with people who are abusive. In addition to being with someone who won’t leave them, they might also need them to support them financially.
This is likely to show that their early years were a time when they didn’t get their needs met on a consistent basis. When they were younger, they may have spent a lot of time being neglected.
Along with this, their parent/s may have done everything they could to stop them from separating from them and developing their own indentify. Thus, instead of moving from one stage of their development to another, they would have stayed stuck in one stage.
It Goes On
What this is likely to show is that their patent/s also had a fear being abandoned, and as a way to keep this fear at bay, they did everything they could to stop one from leaving them. It could then be said that one was seen as an extension of them, as opposed to a separate human being.
Through being seen in this way, it would have stopped them from getting what they needed in order to develop into a well-adjusted adult. They would have been conditioned to believe that their purpose was to take care of their needs.
One would then have had to disconnect from their own needs and to fulfil their parent/s needs. This was then a time when they needed to be treated like a child, but they had to act like a parent instead.
What this shows is that if one looks like an adult but feels like a needy child, it’s not because they is anything inherently wrong with them. It just comes down to the fact that they didn’t get their developmental needs met.
If one can relate to this and they want to move forward, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist. This will give them the opportunity to take a deeper look into what is going on and what they can do to move forward.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.