What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that they find it hard to believe in themselves. By being this way, it is not going to matter if they are good at something as they won’t be able to accept it.
Along with this, if they have made a plan to do something, they could spend a lot of time wondering if it will work out. Ultimately, they simply won’t be able to accept that it will work out and, if it doesn’t, they will be able to handle it.
Naturally, being this way is going to make it hard for them to achieve their aims and move forward. Thanks to what is generally taking place inside them, then, they will struggle to feel as though they are enough and are ready.
When it comes to their career, they could put in a lot of work, far more than they need to, and still question if they are ready to go to the next level, so to speak. And, if they are in a relationship, they could often wonder why their partner is with them and if they will soon leave them.
They could often come into contact with people that are full of confidence and don’t appear to carry any doubt whatsoever. One could wonder if these people have something that they themselves don’t have.
At times, it might be clear that although someone like this is full of confidence and self-belief, there is no reason for them to be this way. The reason for this is that they might not know a great deal about something or have prepared properly.
They are then going to see other people move forward and they themselves will be watching their life pass them by. What could be clear is that if they were not so full of doubt, their life would be radically different.
After coming to this conclusion, they could look back over the years and see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. What could enter their mind is that they were born this way.
This is not to say that being this way will only cause them to suffer, though, as they may find that it has allowed them to be open-minded and to be fairly humble. If, on the other hand, they were full of self-belief, it would probably be harder for them to take in new information and to keep their feet on the ground.
With this in mind, the ideal won’t be for them to not go from one side of the spectrum to the other; it will be for them to move into the middle of it. This way, they can have the belief that they need to achieve things but not be so closed off that they are unable to update their mind and stay grounded.
What’s going on?
Now, if they have been this way for as long as they can remember, it could show that their early years were not very nurturing. If so, this wouldn’t have been a time when they were built up; it would have been a time when they were undermined.
One or both of their parents may have often criticised and humiliated them, finding fault with just about everything that they did. It would then have been normal for them to feel useless, incapable and worthless.
The Other Side
And, although this parent pulled them down, they themselves might have been full of confidence. If so, they would have come across as though they were perfect and knew everything, unlike their child, and any else for that matter, who was deeply flawed and had no idea.
Based on what took place, this parent would have been at the top and their child would have been at the bottom. This will illustrate that it didn’t occur to this parent that it was their responsibility to encourage, support and love their child, not to destroy them.
An Odd Scenario
How this parent treated them is likely to have been a reflection of how they felt deep down but were unable to acknowledge. A part of themselves that they had rejected and repressed was then projected into their child.
The image that this parent projected would then have been nothing more than a facade, with them feeling totally worthless and unlovable. Most likely, they were deeply wounded during their formative years and ended up automatically creating an inflated false self to cope.
What this means is that how their parent treated them during this stage of their life was not personal; it was simply a reflection of how wounded they themselves were. The trouble is that as they were egocentric at this stage of their life, it would have been seen as a reflection of them.
For them to gradually move on from this stage of their life and develop a healthy self of self-belief, they are likely to have beliefs to question and pain to work through. This will take courage and patience and persistence.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.