It is part of the human experience to need others but, that doesn’t mean that someone is able to accept this. In general, they could act as though they don’t need others and this could be something that they feel quite proud of.
They might often criticise those who do make it clear that they need others; seeing these people as weak and incapable. Either way, irrespective of how strong and capable they are, their life is going to be far harder than it needs to be.
The reason for this is that they won’t be able to receive the support, encouragement and love that would make their life easier. Also, they will be deprived of the warmth that would be provided by having close relationships with others.
So, no matter how well they are doing, they are not going to be anything like the person they would be if they were able to accept and embrace their need for others. Nonetheless, if they have been this way for a long time, it might not occur to them that their life could be any different.
A Different Experience
Then again, due to the experiences that they have had, they might believe that there is only one alternative and that this is far worse. For example, they could think about a relationship that they have been in and this could fill them with frustration and anger.
Perhaps this was a time when they were taken advantage of and mistreated. Consequently, reaching out to and allowing another person to get close to them will be seen as something that will undermine them.
With this in mind, it will be a case of them going it alone and not being harmed, or opening up to another or others and being hurt. What this will also illustrate is that they try to do everything by themselves and not need others in order to avoid pain, not to be seen as better than others.
As this is how they view opening up to others, it is to be expected that they would try to do so much by themselves. This will make their life more difficult but they will be less likely to be hurt by their fellow human beings.
If this if how they have behaved for most of their adult life and they have been deeply hurt on a number of occasions, it is likely to show that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when one or both of their parents and perhaps others, hurt them.
In other words, they may have been physically harmed, verbally put down and neglected throughout this stage of their life. Instead of this being a time, then, when they were built up, it would have been a time when they were heavily undermined.
This would have prevented them from being able to grow and develop in the right way. Along with not developing a felt sense of enoughness, worthiness and lovability, their ability to trust would have been destroyed – assuming it even developed, to begin with.
Thus, although how their parent or parents behaved wouldn’t have been a reflection of what all human beings were like, they would have been seen as a reflection of what everyone was like. The particular would then have become the general, with this being a way for their underdeveloped brain to protect them.
Ultimately, thanks to what took place at his stage of their life, they will have come to believe that opening up to another will cause them to be harmed in one way or another. It won’t matter that this stage of their life is over.
However, even though they won’t want to be hurt again, part of them will still be looking for the love that they missed out on. This part of them will cause them to be unconsciously pulled to people who will mistreat them so that they can struggle for this love.
A big part of what will allow them to attract and be attracted to people who won’t mistreat them will be for them to face and work through the pain that they had to repress as a child. As they work through the layers and layers of pain inside them, their need to recreate the past will decrease.
Furthermore, they will be able to see that while they were mistreated by their parent or parents, not everyone is the same. They will also be able to slowly accept that how they were treated was not personal; it was simply a sign of how wounded their parent or parents were.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
If you feel this has been of value, please leave a comment, like or get in touch. And feel free to share this article, as many others have.
Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
To book your free 15-minute consultation, click here.
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.