If someone was abused and/or neglected as a child, it can be hard for them to just be. No matter what part of the day it is or what day of the week it is, they can more or less always be on the go.
Simply doing nothing and relaxing can be something that rarely, if ever, takes place. In a way, it can be as if they need to move in order to stay alive as if they don’t, something bad will happen to them.
When one experiences life in this way, they can end up going down one of two different paths. But, whichever path they go down, it is still going to be a challenge for them to sit still and to do nothing.
And although one can generally go down one path and stay on this path, they could also alternate between the two. Still, even if this does take place, movement is still going to be the norm.
When it comes to the first path, one's primary goal in life could be to achieve things and to become successful. If they were to reflect on what success means to them, they could start to think of money, status, luxury holidays and expensive cars, for instance.
Their idea of success is then going to be an idea that a lot of people have; the type of success that is primarily based on material objects. This type of success can allow them to receive a fair amount of approval from their fellow human beings.
When it comes to the second, ones primary goal in life could just be to move around and not to stay stuck in any one place. If they were to reflect on what life is all about them, what could come to mind is having many different experiences and being free.
There is naturally going to be a lot of people out there that have the same view of life as they do. The material objects that life provides might interest them, but attaining these things won’t be their primary concern.
A Bit of Both
On the other hand, if one has the tendency to alternate between the need to achieve things and to just do things, their need to be successful might not be very strong. There could be times when they focus on their goals and other times when they just need to be doing something.
Ultimately, it will be about them moving, and sitting still and just being is not going to allow them to fulfil this need. In all of these cases, one will be a human being in name only; they won’t act like one.
Part of Life
So when someone is unable to just be, they are not going to be aware of what is actually behind their need to always be on the go. Their conscious mind will come up with reasons as to why this is, but these reasons won’t be the real reasons.
For them to become aware of what is driving their behaviour, they would need to get in touch with what is taking place at a deeper level. This might not be easy though, especially if they have built up a number of defences over the years.
There can be what took place when they were younger and then there can be all of the defences that allow them to keep most of this pain at bay. These defences can also keep most of the memories of the past at bay, too.
It might only take a few of these defences to fall away for one to become aware of why they behave in the way that they do. This would enable them to understand why their adult life is the way that it is.
In The beginning
When they were a child, the abuse and/or neglect that they experienced would have caused them to develop a number of disempowering beliefs. As they were treated badly, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them.
Along with this, they would have come to believe that it wasn’t safe for them to be in their body and to exist. The effect that these two beliefs are having on their life will be clear to see.
Stuck On a Treadmill
One's inability to just be and to do nothing is then going to be due to the fact that if they were to do this, they will believe that they would be rejected and abandoned. Through seeing themselves as a flawed human being, they will constantly need to prove that they have value.
In addition to this, they will believe that something bad will happen to them if they do nothing and that they might even die. As a child they would have most likely spent a lot of time in the flight response and been hyper-vigilant and, now that they are an adult, it won’t be much different.
Living in this way is going to cause them to experience a lot of unnecessary stress and pressure. There could also come a point in time when they end up feeling burnt out and are forced to just be.
This doesn’t have to happen, though, that’s if one reaches out for the right support and gets the assistance that they need. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
Child Abuse And Neglect - How To Heal From Child Abuse And Neglect