Child Abuse: Can Child Abuse Cause Someone To Feel Deeply Vulnerable?

What can be normal is for someone to spend a lot of time by themselves, away from others. When they are by themselves, they could typically feel comfortable and at ease.

This can also be a time when they will be connected to what is taking place inside them, too. When they are around others, though, this could be a time when they often feel uncomfortable and lose touch with their inner world.

A Very Different Experience

To be more specific, they could often experience fear and anxiety and even terror whilst they are in the company of another or others. If this doesn’t take place, they could simply go into a shut down state, losing touch with what is going on inside them.

Alternatively, they could feel all at sea and end up going into a shut down state before long. Due to this, they are rarely going to fully show up when they are around others and reveal their true self.

The Norm

However, as unfulfilling as their life is likely to be, experiencing life in this way can just be what is normal. As a result of this, they might not be consciously aware of what is going on and thus, not take the steps to change their life.

This is not to say that they won’t feel angry, hopeless and helpless; no, what it means is that they can just experience these feelings and not see a way out of the life that they lead. How they experience life can be seen as just how life is.

A Half-Life

At times, they could imagine what their life would be like if they no longer lived in the same way. This could be a time when they will think about spending less time by themselves and more time around others.

Furthermore, they could see themselves freely expressing themselves around others and no longer hiding who they are. But, this could be seen as something that is out of their reach and they could soon end up feeling helpless.

Stepping Back

If they were to become consciously aware of how they experience life and reflect on how they feel when they are around others, they could soon see that they feel exposed. It is then not going to matter how safe it is where they live as it will be as though they live in a warzone.

This will allow them to see why they have the need to spend so much time by themselves, away from others. Without a felt sense of safety and security, the only way for them to feel safe or at the very least feel more at ease will be for them to isolate themselves.

Confusion

Upon realising this, they could struggle to understand why they feel so vulnerable around their fellow human beings. What is clear is that the kind of vulnerability that they will often experience is not going to the same type of vulnerability that is often spoken about when it comes to forming deeper relationships with others.

When it comes to the former, feeling safe and secure will be something they seldom if ever experience. Yet, when it comes to the latter, someone can generally experience a felt sense of safety and security.

A Big Difference

For one person, opening up and being vulnerable will be seen as something that will cause their life to come to an end; for the other, it can be seen as nerve-racking and something that could cause them to be hurt but that could be about as far as it will go. So, as they already feel vulnerable, doing anything else that would cause them to feel even more vulnerable is naturally going to be avoided.

When it comes to why they would feel so exposed and their whole life would revolve around their need to feel safe and protected, it can be a consequence of what took place during their formative years. This may have been a time when they were deeply wounded and deprived of the love that they needed in the process.

Way Back

Throughout this stage of their life, they may have often been physically harmed and neglected. What they needed to be able to grow and develop in the right way was to live in an environment where they felt safe and secure and for their parent or parents to meet their physical and emotional needs.

Instead, one or both of their parents would have been a threat to their survival and although they might have had enough to eat, clothes to wear and somewhere to live, they wouldn’t have had the love that they needed. And, as they were powerless and totally dependent, they would have been able to change what was going on or find another family that could love and protect them.

The Outcome

To handle what they were going through, their brain would have automatically repressed how they felt and the arousal they experienced and they would have gone into a shut down, disconnected, frozen and collapsed state. Freely expressing and asserting themselves would have been too much of a risk; what would have felt safe was doing what they could to please their parent or parents and being a non-entity.

Many, many years will have passed since they lived in an environment where it wasn’t safe for them to truly exist but as they will be carrying most if not all of the pain and arousal that they experienced, they won’t know this at the core of their being. It will take time and a lot of inner work for them to know this.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk