While it can seem as though being seen is a normal part of being human, it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case. So, just because someone’s being can be seen by others, it doesn’t mean that they will feel comfortable with being seen for who they are.
There is then going to be a big difference between one having other people’s eyes on them and not being present, and having other people’s eyes on them and being rooted in their body. When the former takes place, it will show that one doesn’t feel comfortable with being seen and, when the latter takes place, it will show that they feel comfortable with being seen.
Back In Time
One reason why one would have a fear of being seen is due to what took place at the beginning of their life. During their early years, they may have been abused and/or neglected.
As a result of this, they wouldn’t have grown up in an environment where they felt safe, supported and loved. One would have lived in a house or something similar, yet it would have been as if they were in a warzone.
At this stage of their life, then, their main purpose would have been to handle what was taking place, not to grow and develop. They might have received the food and clothing that they needed, for instance, but they certainly won’t have received the care that they needed to pass through each developmental stage.
And as they were powerless and dependent at this time, they wouldn’t have been able to do much about what was taking place. The only thing that they would have been able to do was to tolerate what was taking place.
The Only Option
To handle what was going on, there may have been moments when they were able to get away and to hide. But even if they were unable to do this, what they would have been able to do was to leave their body.
This wouldn’t have stopped them from being hit or put down, for instance, but it would have made what was taking place more manageable. Now, this is not to say that they would have consciously left their body as this would have been something that just happened.
Their mind would have utilised this survival mechanism to try to make sure that their life didn’t come to an end. It could be seen as a very primitive response and yet it kept them alive.
Also, as they were egocentric at this stage of their life, they would have taken everything personally. Ergo, what took place would have been seen as a sign of how flawed they were, not of how damaged their caregiver/s was.
Times Goes By
The years will have passed since this time in their life, but what took place is still going to be having a big impact on their life. However, if they can’t remember what took place, they can end up feeling like a victim.
What this comes down to is that they are likely to live a life where they don’t feel seen or heard. For example, they could feel as though they are invisible and, when it comes to their career, they may believe that their work doesn’t get the attention that it deserves.
Their conscious mind is going to want one thing and their unconscious mind/body is going to want something else. Until this inner conflict is resolved, it is not going to be possible for them to change their life.
With this in mind, the sooner they are able to take a step back and to take a deeper look into what is going on, the better. This will give them the opportunity to see why they don’t allow themselves to be seen.
Thanks to what they went through as a child, being in their body and being seen is going to be seen as something that is a threat to their very survival. Firstly, they can believe that they will be harmed if they were to allow themselves to settle into their body and to be seen.
Secondly, they can also believe that they would be rejected and abandoned if they were to allow themselves to be seen. With both of these beliefs running, it is not going to be a surprise that being seen in such a challenge.
Along with these two beliefs that they have, there is also likely to be all of the emotional wounds and the trauma that they are carrying. If they suffered on a daily basis for many years, it is unlikely that they will heal themselves overnight.
Therefore, to go from not being in their body and having a fear of being seen, to being in their body and feeling completely comfortable being seen will take time. No matter how long it takes, though, it will be worth it in the long-run.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they will probably need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
Child Abuse And Neglect - How To Heal From Child Abuse And Neglect