If someone was abused as a child, what took place will be over but it doesn’t mean that they will have put what took place firmly behind them. So, in the same way that a soldier who has left a warzone can carry the effects of what they experienced, one can also be in the same position.
However, although this can be the case, it doesn’t mean that one will be able to make the connection. If they were to think about what took place during their early years, it could be one big blur.
Consequently, the information that would shed light on why their life is the way that it is won’t be available. Or, if they were able to connect to this stage of their life, they could say that it wasn’t that bad.
They could believe that even though they were treated badly, it didn’t take place very often. Here, one will be able to remember some of the things that took place but they won’t be able to truly come to terms with what took place.
A Similar Place
Irrespective of whether what happened is a mystery or if they can accept that certain things took place, they are still going to be unable to connect to the dots, so to speak.
Through being unable to acknowledge what actually occurred and facing it, what took place will continue to influence their life. Ultimately, they won’t resolve what they went through by avoiding it.
What they went through as a child will have most likely prevented them from developing a felt sense of self-worth, which can mean that they will have a high tolerance for experiencing bad things. As they have no sense of their own worth and feel bad about themselves, there will be no reason for them to change their circumstances.
If they had this in place, it wouldn’t matter if they remembered what took place or only certain parts of it, as they would have the need to change their life. To use an analogy: one will be like a doormat that just puts up with being walked over.
A Bleak Existence
When it comes to their relationships, they could be used to being treated badly and violated in one way or another. If they have a job where they work with others, the same thing could take place when they are around these people.
While they may very well just put up with bad behaviour and not do anything about it, this could cause them to experience a lot of anger. But, instead of listening to this anger and standing up for themselves, they could just keep it to themselves and end up feeling depressed.
An Inverted Energy
This energy that is within them should be on their side and allow them to look after themselves. Nonetheless, this energy won’t be on their side and it will be used against them.
A clear example of this will be the strong inner critic that they are likely to have. A loving and supportive inner voice is likely to rarely be heard within them; what is likely to generally be heard is a very harsh and unsupportive voice.
Ergo, regardless of how badly other people treat them, it won’t be as bad as they treat themselves. They will be their own worst enemy and the people who they come into contact with will be an external reflection of what is taking place internally.
For their life to change, they will need to draw the line and to say that enough is enough. Underneath all of the pain and misery that they experience day in, day out is likely to be a number of erroneous beliefs.
A Core Belief
One belief that they are likely to have is that they are inherently bad and, as a result of this, they deserve to suffer. This won’t be a belief that they will be aware of but it will still exert a massive influence on their life.
It is then not going to matter how they live their life as this won’t be something that is taken into consideration. If they were to think about all of the good things that they have done and what they have contributed over the years, it might not have much of an effect on them.
A Deeper Look
This belief, along with any other erroneous beliefs that they developed during their early years, will have been created due to the fact that they were egocentric at this stage of their life. How they were treated would have been seen as a reflection of their own value as opposed to a reflection of what was going on for their caregiver/s.
The truth is that they were not treated badly because they were bad; it was because they were brought up by people who were probably deeply wounded themselves. Their view of their own child was then skewed by their own self-hate that was projected into them.
A Key Process
Many years will have passed since this stage of one’s life but they are still going to blame themselves for what took place. Deep down, one could believe that if they were different, they would have been treated differently.
This is why forgiving their caregiver/s for what happened is one part, forgiving themselves for what happened is another. In fact, self-forgiveness is likely to be far more important than the other kind.
If one can relate to this, and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
Child Abuse And Neglect - How To Heal From Child Abuse And Neglect