Child Abuse: Can Someone Blame Themselves If They Were Abused As A Child?

Based on how someone experiences life, it can be as though they have done something that is extremely bad. The reason for this is that they could have the tendency to feel bad about themselves.

When they do feel good, then, this will be the exception as opposed to the rule. And, during these moments, they could soon end up feeling guilty and ashamed, which will make it hard for them to sustain this inner experience.

Isolated

Still, although they will often be in a low place, it doesn’t mean that they will have shared what is going on for them with anyone else. Therefore, even if they are surrounded by people, it will be as if they are all alone.

At the same time, they might not be consciously aware of what is taking place inside them. It might seem strange how this could be possible but this could show how normal this is and that their life has been this way for a very long time.

At the bottom

When they are around others, they could automatically play a role. This can be a role where they create the impression that everything is fine and they may appear to be happy.

But, when they are by themselves, they could have the tendency to feel very low and depressed. They could also have a strong critical voice that puts them down in a variety of different ways.

A Battle

This voice could be very strong when they are trying to fall asleep at night and although it might not be there when they wake up, this could be a time when usually feel exhausted. What could make matters worse is that they could have a job that they hate.

This could be because they do something that they don’t enjoy doing and they could be treated badly. As a result of this, when they are not there, they can dread going back and when they are there, they can be desperate to leave.

No Better

As for the people who are in their life, they could be treated badly by them and as though they are nothing. Alternatively, they might not be treated badly but they might not be seen or heard by them.

In this case, they will very much be in the background and they won’t be able to receive the emotional nutrients that they need. They may or may not be in a romantic relationship but if they are, this is unlikely to be much better.

A Hypothetical Scenario

If another person had the ability to tune into their inner world, they could be shocked by how harsh it is. What could soon enter their mind is that this is someone who has done something that is unforgivable.

Yet, if they also had the ability to look back on this person’s life, to see what it is that they have done that is extremely bad, they might not be able to find anything. They could see that they have made mistakes and done a few bad things but that could be it.

An Analogy

It will then be similar to typing something into a search engine and there being no results. From this, what will stand out is that there is no reason for them to experience life in this way.

Nonetheless, if they were to talk to them about what they have found, it doesn’t mean that what they say would have much of an impact on their life. It could go in one ear and out of the other.

What’s going on?

At this point, it can seem strange as to why someone would feel so bad themselves even though they haven’t done something that is extremely bad. But, while what is going on for them can appear to be irrational, there can be far more to it.

If what took place throughout their formative years is taken into account, it could make complete sense. This may have been a time when they were mistreated in a variety of different ways.

Back In Time

They may have been physically harmed, verbally put down and neglected, for instance, and, as they were egocentric, how they were treated would have been personalised. It then wouldn’t have mattered that how they were treated was not a reflection of their value or lovability.

Their underdeveloped brain would have come to believe that they were worthless, bad and unlovable, among other things. Another part of this is that taking responsibility for what happened would have given them hope that they could change their parent or parents and be loved by them.

Totally Powerless

But, as their parent or parents were likely to have been deeply wounded as a result of what they went through as a child, it wouldn’t have mattered what they did. Quite simply, as their parent or parents were unlikely to have been loved during their formative years and were unable to face and work through their own inner wounds, they wouldn’t have been in a position to love their child.

Not only this, but they would have unconsciously projected their own repressed ‘darkness’ into their child and held them accountable for what their parent or parents had done to them. With this in mind, they were blamed for a crime that they didn’t commit and how they felt and continue to feel is how their parent or parents are likely to have felt very early and should have felt when they were harming them.

Moving On

For them to know, at the core of their being, that they are not worthless, bad or unlovable and that they deserve to live a fulfilling life, they are likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This is something that will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk