If someone was mistreated during their early years, they are likely to carry a lot of anger, rage, and hate. These feelings will be a natural consequence of having been violated throughout this stage of their life.
However, although this is the case, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of how they feel. The reason for this is that they could be in a shut down state, which will stop them from being able to connect with how they feel.
But, if they are aware of and regularly express how they feel, it doesn’t mean that they will be aware of why they feel this way. Instead, they can believe that what is going on in their life is the reason why they feel this way.
Therefore, what is going on for them in the here and now will be what is causing them to experience these feelings. Now, this is not to say that this won’t be playing a part but there will be more to it.
What this illustrates is that there are the feelings and then there are the memories that go with them. By only being aware of the former, it won’t be possible for them to join the dots, so to speak.
If they were to come to the conclusion that they have anger problems, they could reach out for support. This could end up being a time when they will learn how to manage their anger and the other feelings that are causing them problems.
This approach might allow them to function better, but, as they won’t be exploring and resolving what is going on for them at a deeper level, it won’t do much else. To keep themselves under control and keep their cool, they can focus on their ‘negative’ thoughts and their breathing.
Assuming that they are able to function better, it might not be long until they lose control and explode. If this does take place, they can feel guilty and ashamed.
They can believe that they lack will power and are not trying hard enough. And, if they have done something that has caused a lot of harm, they can end up feeling very low.
Yet, as they won’t have consciously chosen to behave in this way, laying into themselves won’t serve them. If their anger, rage, and hate were simply a consequence of the thoughts that they have, it would be a lot easier for them to control themselves.
But, as what is held inside their unconscious mind is playing a part in what is going on for them, purely focusing on what is taking place for them at a conscious level is not going to deal with the root. What this approach will do is manage the effects, and this is why they will probably need to manage their anger forever.
If they were to take a closer look at what is going on and go under their anger, rage, and hate, what they are likely to find is that they are carrying a lot of hurt. Moreover, there can be a number of unmet developmental needs.
A brutal Time
With this in mind, when they were mistreated as a child, they would have been deprived of what they needed to grow and develop in the right way. This would have caused them to be hurt and this would have resulted in them feeling angry, enraged an,d hateful.
Their self-preservation instinct would have kicked in, with them going into survival mode. Along with this, to handle what was going on, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their developmental needs.
The years would have passed but the pain and unmet developmental needs wouldn’t have disappeared; this is why it won’t take a lot for them to lose control. Deep down, they are also going to have the need to experience revenge.
When they lose it, then, this will allow them to symbolically get their own back on their parent or parents. But, as it will be too late for this to take place and receive what they need, it won’t matter how many times they get angry.
For them to no longer be full of fire and settle down, they will need to face their anger, rage, and hate, the hurt underneath it, and experience their unmet developmental needs. In other words, they will be fully experiencing and integrating what they were unable to fully experience and integrate during their formative years.
It wouldn’t have been safe enough for them to do this and they wouldn’t have been strong enough either, with this being the reason why this material had to be repressed. This process will take courage, patience, and persistence.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.