If someone’s early years were anything but loving, they could be in a bad way now that they are an adult. However, thanks to their brain’s ability to block out both painful feelings and memories, they might not remember what took place.
Due to this, they can be in a bad way and not understand why they are experiencing life in this way. Then again, if experiencing life in this way is normal, they might not even question why their life is this way.
If they are in this position and they were to reflect on their life, they could see that they often feel edgy and rarely feel good about themselves. At this point, they could come to the conclusion that they have a chemical imbalance or that their negative thoughts are the problem.
The reason for this is that, in many societies around the world, inner problems are often seen as being caused by a chemical balance and/or what is taking place at a mental level. Therefore, they will have absorbed the mainstream view about what causes mental health issues.
Now, if they didn’t end up going on medication but focused on changing their thoughts, they could find that they end up setting down and feeling better about themselves. Consequently, they could believe that this proves that their thoughts were causing them to suffer.
After a while, though, they could find that the changes they have made have started to wear off. There is also a chance that this approach won’t even work.
Based on what took place during their formative years, they are likely to be carrying a lot of pain. This pain is likely to be playing a big part in not only why they have negative thoughts but in why they suffer from anxiety and find it hard to feel good.
The trouble is that as what took place and the pain that they experienced will be outside of their conscious awareness, this won’t be acknowledged. But, if they live in a mind-centric society, they are unlikely to be guided to what is taking place at a deeper level if they look towards their doctor or a cognitive behavioural therapist for guidance.
If they were to sit with themselves and started to connect with their feelings, they could find that they feel worthless, unlovable and scared, for instance. This is likely to be how they felt throughout their early years.
Yet, as they were being mistreated by one or both of their parents, these feelings would have been repressed to allow them to function and keep it together. Ultimately there wouldn’t have been anyone there to help them to feel their feelings and to integrate them.
A Brutal Time
This may have been a stage of their life when they were physically and verbally harmed and neglected. What they desperately needed, to be able to grow and develop, was to be loved.
Instead, certain needs would have seldom been met and they would have been deeply wounded in the process. To handle what took place, along with their brain repressing how they felt, they would have lost touch with their true self.
How they were treated was not a reflection of their value or how lovable they were or are; it was a reflection of what was going on for one or both of their parents. Even so, as they would have been egocentric at this stage of their life, it would have been personalised.
This is why they will feel bad about themselves, it’s not because there is actually anything inherently wrong with them. But, as what took place will have had an emotional impact on them, having this mental understanding is unlikely to make much of a difference.
The Other Side
And, when it came to how they often felt at this stage of their life, these are likely to be how one or both of their parents felt at a deeper level. How they were seen by one or both of them, then, related to a part of themselves that they had disowned.
With this in mind, as they had projected a part of themselves onto their child, they were, in reality, abusing a part of themselves. If they had been able to face their own ‘darkness’ there would have been no reason for them to harm them.
This shows how abuse ends up being passed on from one generation to another. A parent’s early wounds end up driving their behaviour, causing them to go from a victim to a perpetrator.
What this demonstrates is how important it is for someone to face and work through their inner wounds. The outcome of this is that they will be less likely to be driven by unconscious forces and more likely to treat their child/children, and others, better.
If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 26 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.