If someone was to take a step back and to reflect on how they experience life, what they may find is that they are typically out of touch with how they feel. During the moments when this isn’t the case, that’s if they have these moments, it could be because something dramatic has taken place.
For example, one could experience the end of a relationship or a loved one could pass on and they could soon end up experiencing a number of different feelings. Nevertheless, it might not be long until they go back to how they were before.
After thinking about how they experience life, they might wonder why they are this way. Furthermore, they might think about how different they are to those that are in touch with their own feelings.
It might seem as though these people are normal and that there is something inherently wrong with them. In fact, there may have even been people that have said this to them both directly and indirectly over the years.
One thing that they are likely to find is that it is hard for them to feel close to others and to form deeper connections with them. The reason being that they will rarely have access to the part of them that would allow this to take place: their emotional self.
As a result of this, they could be used to feeling cut-off from others and as though they are alone. If they do connect with others, it could be a mental connection or something that takes place through sharing their body – a sexual connection.
The Only Option
Whenever the feel alone, then, they could often find someone to share their body with. For a short period of time, this will allow them to feel connected to another human being and to no longer feel numb.
Another way that this could take place is by consuming something that will allow them to feel alive. This could take place by drinking or taking something that will momentarily bring them to life.
If they do believe that there is something inherently wrong with them, the next thing that could come to mind is that they were born this way. While this outlook might seem accurate, it will mean that there is very little that they can do to change their life.
They will just have to tolerate what is going on and to continue to live a life that is anything but fulfilling. What they are going through could be bad enough, but having this outlook is likely to make it even worse.
Now, while it may seem as though they were born this way, there is a strong chance that this is not so. The reason that they are like they are could be due to what took place during their early years.
What took place during this stage of their life could be what caused them to become a ‘divided’ human being. Still, one might not be able to remember what took place at this stage of their life.
The Past Is Present
This won’t matter, though, as how they currently experience life will be a consequence of what happened many years ago. When it comes to what took place when they were younger, this may have been a time when they experienced some kind of abuse and/or neglect.
Therefore, they would have experienced what is often described as ‘complex’ trauma. There wouldn’t have been one trauma that affected them; there would have been numerous traumas – both big and small - that affected them.
Their whole system would have been overwhelmed each time and unable to integrate what took place, and the only way for them to handle what was going on would have been to dissociate and to leave their body. As they were small and totally dependent on their caregivers, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to run away or to fight back.
Ultimately, leaving their body is what kept them alive; they probably wouldn’t be here if this hadn’t occurred. Now that this stage of their life is over, it is no longer necessary for them to be out of touch with their body.
Nonetheless, this doesn’t mean that one can just get back into their body and become an integrated human being. What took place is in the past but all of the arousal that they experienced is most likely trapped in their body.
Taking this into account, if one was to get back in touch with their body, they could end up being completely overwhelmed. Staying out of this part of their being is then going to be a way for them to ‘keep it together’.
A Massive Build-Up
The defences that their mind has created will generally allow them to keep this pain at bay; without these, they could end up being in a very bad way. This is very similar to how a plug might be used to stop water from pouring out.
The water wants to come out and the longer it stays there, the more pressure will build up. It will also take a lot of energy to keep the emotional energy inside them at bay.
With this in mind, it is not as simple as getting in touch with this pain and letting it go; it will have to be worked through one layer at a time. Each layer will come up when one is ready to face it, not before.
When it comes to working through these layers of pain/trauma, one will probably need the assistance of a therapist or a healer. Someone like this can hold the space so that one can go where they wouldn’t go by themselves.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.