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If, after coming to see that they were abused and/or neglected during their early years, someone might feel the need to talk about what they went through. At this stage, they might not feel comfortable speaking to one or both of their parents about it.
Still, although they can have this need, it doesn’t mean that they will take the next step. They could worry about what another person will think of them if they open up about their early experiences. Resistance When it comes to who they are thinking of opening up to, this could be a close friend or their partner. If they were to open up to this person, they could believe that they would end up being judged. Along with this, they could believe that they will end up being rejected and that this person will end up pulling away. What could also be at the back of their mind is that what they say won’t be taken seriously and will just be dismissed. A Heavy Weight Keeping what they have been through to themselves will be a lot for them to handle but sharing it will be seen as being far worse. After holding it all in for a little while, they may decide to take the next step. By doing this, they may find that they are given the support and understanding that they need and are not judged, rejected, or dismissed. Thanks to being responded to in this way, they could feel relieved and grateful. A Number of Benefits Opening up about what happened won’t have changed what they went through or necessarily have allowed them to heal anything but it will have allowed them to share something that has been weighing them down. And, as it has been said that we are only as sick as our secrets, this will be an important step. Keeping this all to themselves will have been incredibly difficult and by opening up and bridging the gap between them and the people in their life or at least one person, they are likely to feel a lot lighter and not as alone as they felt before. This is likely to be the case even if they have only opened up to a therapist at this stage. Another Part However, although they will have done the right thing by opening up, they could find that they soon feel guilty for what they have done. Before long, they could feel as though they have betrayed their parent or parents. What this could then do is unlock early wounds that relate to being rejected and abandoned and/or harmed. If so, before they opened up, they would have been carrying a heavy burden but they might have felt more settled. A Strong Need To try to settle themselves down again, they could do something to try to change how they feel. If they are still in contact with one or both of their parents, they could end up calling them or paying them a visit and offer to do something for them. So, perhaps just like when they were a powerless and dependent child, they will have become very submissive in the hope that this will stop them from being abandoned and/or harmed. This will also be a time when they are there for their parent or parents and are not connected to themselves or their own needs. The Way Forward Now, regardless of it they do or don’t reach out to one or both of their parents during this time, what is clear is that they are not doing anything wrong. They are doing the right thing by opening up about what they went through as will play an important part in what will allow them to heal and live a life that is worth living. Keeping what they went through to themselves and suffering in silence, on the other hand, wouldn’t have served them. After all, they are simply sharing what they went through, not doing what they can to make one or both of their parents look bad and are thus, not engaging in slander. Stepping Back What they can consider, at this point, is that if there has been a betrayal, it was something that they experienced during their developmental years. If this hasn’t entered their mind before and they find it hard to accept now, it is likely to be due to how beaten down they were by one or both of their parents. As a result of the abuse and/or neglect that they experienced, they might not have developed a felt sense of safety, worth, deserving or love. The fact that they were the ones who were mistreated is then not going to fully stand out as they won’t believe that they have value, are lovable or deserve to be treated well. Drawing the Line Therefore, by speaking out about what happened and reaching out for the assistance that they need, they will be going against the messages that they both, directly and indirectly, received as a child. Namely, that they were bad, had no right to exist, had no value, had no voice, were unlovable, had to hide their needs and feelings, and had to tolerate being mistreated. Ultimately, they may have been treated as though they were nothing as a child and didn’t matter, but this is not the truth. The truth is that they have inherent value and do matter, and this means that their life matters. Awareness If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk
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 Oliver JR CooperAuthor of 28 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant. Introductory Consultation
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Disclaimer
That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.
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