Child Abuse: Can Someone Feel More At Peace When They No Longer Need Anything From The People Who Abused Them?
If someone was abused at the beginning of their life, it is likely to mean that they experienced a lot of pain during this time. In addition to this, most, if not all, of their development needs might not have been met.
As a result of this, even though a number of years will have passed since that time in their life, they might not be in a good way. It will then be clear to them that time will not heal what happened.
One Big Challenge
No matter what area of life they think about, it might not be going as they would like it to. Due to what they are going though, simply being alive could feel like a burden, and they may wonder if there is a reason why they are on this planet.
Alternatively, they may have been able to build a career up, but their relationships could be a mess and they might have a number of addictions, for instance. In this case, it might look as though they have it all.
The Same Experience
So, regardless of if they have a successful career, they can still have a deep sense of emptiness. They will look like a whole human being, but it can be as though they are missing something.
A lot of their life is then going to be spent trying to find something that will fill this hole. Swallowing things, eating things, buying things, drinking things, and/or falling into the arms of people can all be a way for them to achieve this outcome.
A Black Hole
Unfortunately, this approach will never work, and this is because this hole can’t be filled from the outside. Trying to fill this hole from the outside will be a lot like trying to clean a dirty window from the inside.
Yet, while this approach is futile, it can seem as though this hole will only be filled up from the outside. Without realising it, one is going to be trapped in a game that can never be won.
Along with what is going on in their own life, they may also find that they still look towards their caregivers to give them what they didn’t get as a child. It then won’t matter that they are no longer a dependent child, as they will feel like one.
A big part of them might want their approval, acceptance and for them to acknowledge what took place all those years ago. And, while there is the chance that this will take place, there is also the chance that it won’t.
If their caregivers are willing to acknowledge what took place and to be there for them, it can make it easier for them to heal themselves. One option would be for one to bring their caregivers along when they have therapy, for instance.
Doing this will allow them to open up about what they are going through, what went through and what they would like to receive from their caregivers at this stage in their life. Having their caregivers on board is not going to allow them to heal overnight, but it will most likely speed things up.
Conversely, their caregivers might not be willing to do any of this, and they may even say that they didn’t abuse them. Their caregivers are then not going to be able to give them what they are looking for – just as they were unable to provide them with what they needed as a child.
It can then be very similar to how they would feel if they were to end up in a relationship with someone who is not available; they can feel disconnected, powerless, hopeless, and helpless. After everything they have been through there is a strong chance that they just want to feel at peace, yet this is not going to happen all the while they need anything from the people who abused them.
One Big Illusion
However, although they can believe that they need their caregivers to fulfil certain needs in order to move forward, this is not the truth. The part of them that needs all these things is their wounded inner children within them.
These parts of them wouldn’t have received what they needed all those years ago and now they will have taken over ones being. Therefore, although these are just parts of their being, it can be as if they are their whole being.
The wounded inner children within them will need to be acknowledged and to express what they were not allowed to express all those years ago. Through doing this, these parts of them will integrate with the rest of them.
If one needs their caregivers to do this for them, it is likely to show that they are unable to give their inner children what they need. This is why a therapist/healer can make such a difference, as they will provide the support that they need.
In the beginning it can be as though their survival rests upon their caregivers acknowledging what took place, and, as time goes by, they will be able to see that this is just one big illusion. This will be a time when one will need to be patient and persistent, but it will be worth it in the long run.
There will come a time when they will no longer look for something that can’t be provided, allowing them to settle down and to feel at peace. What they may also find is that doing this kind of work allows them to be more present, which will allow them to attract people who are available and to let go of the ones who aren’t.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.