As a result of being abused and/or neglected as a child, one may find that it is a challenge for them to feel good about themselves. Their time on this planet is then going to be anything but fulfilling.
In fact, it could seem as though they are in hell as opposed to hell being somewhere else. So, from the moment that they wake up to the moment that they go to bed, they could have a critical voice in their head that lays into them and tells them how useless, incapable, unlovable and worthless they are.
Thanks to what is taking place inside them, they might not have a lot going on in their life. They might not have many people in their life and, even if they do, these people might not treat them very well.
As for what they do for a living, they could do something that they can’t stand. It might not even occur to them that their life could be different or that they have what it takes to change their life.
One Big Battle
Alternatively, one could do just about everything that they can to avoid how they feel and to go against their inner critic. What this could mean is that they have plenty of people in their life and a career that is rewarding.
Nonetheless, no matter what is going on externally, it won’t allow them to completely run away from their inner world. And, due to how they feel, they won’t be able to accept that they deserve to have the life that they have.
There are likely to be moments when they end up falling right down and are unable to get back up. This doesn’t mean that they will physically fall over; it is that they will fall right down emotionally.
When this happens, they will be consumed by negative feelings and they could wonder if they will ever be able to rise up again. One thing that they could do, in order to rise up again, is to consume something that will allow them to disconnect from how they feel.
The Same Position
Now, irrespective of whether one typically embraces how they feel or does their best to avoid how they feel, they can still have absolutely no idea as to why their life is the way that it is. This could just be seen as how their life is and that could be as far as it will go.
What this will most likely illustrate is that they are completely caught up in what is going on and haven’t been able to take a step back and reflect. Consequently, they won’t be able to realise that they are not worthless and that they do deserve to live a fulfilling life.
Therefore, while what took place when they were younger will have had a big effect on them, they won’t be able to remember what took place. If they were able to do so, they would be able to understand why their life is the way that it is.
As they can’t remember what took place, it is likely to show that their mind has created a number of defences. These defences will prevent them from remembering what took place; thereby preventing them from coming into contact with the reason why their life is the way that it is.
If they were to get in touch with what took place, it would be a lot for them to handle. However, although this information will be out of their reach, what they went through won’t be in the past.
For one thing, the feelings they have as an adult won’t be much different to the feelings that they had as a child. In a way, it will be a bit like covering up a load of fruit; it won’t be possible to see what is under the cover, but what is under the cover will still seep out.
Back In Time
If they were able to get in touch with what took place during this period of their life, they may see that this was a time when they were physically abused and/or neglected, for instance. Ultimately, it would have been a time when they were not treated very well.
The love, care and support that they needed to be able to develop in the right way wouldn’t have been provided. To make matters worse, what took place would have been seen as a reflection of their value as a human being.
What this comes down to is that at this stage of their life they were egocentric, which would have stopped them for being able to see that what took place had nothing to do with their value. The truth is that how they were treated had everything to do with what was going on for their caregivers, not them.
Anyway, through taking what was taking place personally, it would have caused them to be loaded up with toxic shame. Additionally, how they were treated and spoken to would have ended up being how they would go on to speak to and treat themselves.
What was taking place externally would then have been internalised, stopping them from being able to love and value themselves. There will also be all the negative beliefs that they formed during this time.
To move on from this, one may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.