During one’s early years, they may have had two parents who treated them well. As a result of this, they may look back on their childhood with fond memories.
And due to how they were treated when they were younger, there is a strong chance that they will have a good relationship with them now. Therefore, the foundations would have been laid many years ago.
A Different Experience
But while this is how their life is, it doesn’t mean that everyone they know will be able to relate to it. There is the chance that some of their friends don’t get on with their parents, or they might only get on with one of them.
If they were to find out more about what is taking place for them, they may discover that their early years were no better. What they are going through now is then going to be a continuation of the kind of relationship that they had with them as a child.
One may be able to empathise with them, and this may stop them from trying to change what they are going through. It might be only too clear that it is not possible for this person to do anything about what is taking place.
They may have a tried a number of different things to improve their relationship with them, but it won’t have achieved anything. This might cause one to think about how lucky they are to have the kind of relationship that they have with their parents.
Alternatively, one could hear about what one of their friends is going through and they might not be able to accept it. Based on how they experience life, they could believe that there is a way for them to move through what is taking place.
One could say that life is too short to behave in this way, and that they need to do what they can to get on with them. It will then be clear that one is unable to empathise with what they are going through.
This is what can take place when one ends up protecting their reality onto other people; it stops them for being able to connect to their experience. One is then caught up in their own life and they are unable to put themselves in another person’s shoes.
After speaking to them about this area of their life, one of their friends could go away feeling drained. In the future, they might not bother talking them about it, and it could even make them wonder if this is a friendship worth keeping.
In The Same Boat
At the same time, one might find it easy it easy to connect with what they are going through and this is because they could have a problem with their parents. Or, they might only be able to get on with one of them.
Having someone in their life who is going through what they are going through is likely to have a positive effect on them. Each person will be able to talk about what is going on for them without having to worry about being judged.
Part of Life
When one gets on with both of their parents, they are going to have far more support than they would have it they only got on with one of them. But while this is going to be the ideal, it is not how life always works.
If one only gets on with one of their parents, there is the chance that it has always been this way. But even though this is the case, it doesn’t mean that their parents no longer live together.
There is, of course, the chance that they split up a few years ago, or when they were a lot younger. Yet, regardless of how long they were together for; one can see one parent as being good and the other as being bad.
Along with how each parent treats them now, there is also going to be how they treated them when they were younger. One could say that one parent treated them really badly, whilst the other didn’t.
Consequently, one of them can be seen as having issues and the other can be seen as being the complete opposite. There is then going to be no reason for one to direct their anger at both of their parents; there is only going to be one of them who deserve it.
Nevertheless, if one was to take a step back and to look into what took place, they may begin to see that it is not this black and white. For one thing, if one parent was healthy, they wouldn’t have ended up with someone who is unhealthy.
For example, if one parent abused and/or neglected them and the other one didn’t do anything about it, they would have been part of the problem. Now, clearly this parent didn’t harm them directly, but what they did do is harm indirectly.
When one has elevated the parent who didn’t harm them directly above the one who did, it can be hard for them to come to terms with this. Out of their need to maintain the illusion that one parent is completely different to the other; it can stop them from being able to face reality.
As if one has the need to protect one parent, it can stop them from being able to move on from what happened. If they were to let go of the idealised image that they have created, they may come into contact with a lot of pain.
And unless this pain is dealt with, it can set them up to reexperince what took place when they were younger. This is not to say that one needs to direct their pain at the so-called good parent, as this whole process can take place without the need for drama to arise.
Through the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, one can work through the pain that is within them. Also, one can talk to them about what they should say to their parent.
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Oliver JR Cooper
Oliver JR Cooper
Author of 25 books, Transformational Writer, Teacher & Consultant.
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That which is contained within these articles is based on my own empirical understanding and is true for me at the time they were written. However, as I continue to grow, what I perceive as the truth will inevitably change and as a result of this - parts of these articles may not reflect my current outlook.