Child Abuse: Do Some Parents Try To Live Their Lives Through Their Children?

Although there are certain things that children need in order to develop into well-functioning adults, it doesn’t mean that they will always receive these things. Now, it could be said that it is not always going to be possible for a child to get their needs met.

However, this is not going to be the same as when a child’s needs are generally overlooked, or when certain needs are met, but others end up being ignored.

One Experience

When it relates to the former, it could mean that their emotional and physical needs will rarely, if ever, be met. There is also the chance that they won’t get the food they need or have the right clothes to wear, for instance.

In this case, there is a strong chance that others will realise that something isn’t right about them. And while they could come to believe that one is being neglected, they might not go this far.

Different

If one was at school, their teachers could just think that they are different to most of the other children there. It could seem as though one is just lacking in confidence, and with the right support, this could be seen as something that will change.

Yet even if this was to take place, they are still going to be going to an end environment at the end of each day that is not good for them. Therefore, whatever takes place whilst they are school can end up being undermined when they go home.

It’s clear

Alternatively, a teacher could come to see that something isn’t right, and they might start to think about what might be taking place when one is at home. The next step could be for them to get in touch with their parent/s.

If this was to take place, they could find that they don’t get very far, and this could show that the parent is unwilling to cooperate. As far as they are concerned, everything could be fine at home.

In Denial

What this can show is not only is this child not being treated in the right way, but their parent is not going to be prepared to acknowledge what is taking place. There is the chance that this is someone who is not mentally sound.

Trying to get this person to see that their child is not in a good way can be similar to trying to get a dog to talk; it is going to be a waste of time. It will then be vital for another approach to be taken to stop the child from having to suffer any longer.

Another Experience

When it relates to the latter, it could mean that they live in an environment where they have the clothes they need and there could always be food on the table. Their parent’s could be in a position where they have enough money to give their child what they need, whenever they need it.

Through experiencing life in this way, it could make it harder for other people to realise that something isn’t right. What could add to this is that one could come across as though they are happy and confident.

Normal

During their time at school, their teachers could see them as being a well-adjusted child, and this could also mean that their grades are generally good. It is then not going to be necessary for them to receive special support; if anything, they might need to be given more work to do.

This shows that their behaviour is likely to be seen as something positive, and not something that causes them to take a step back. There is then going to be no reason for them to get in touch with their parent/s.
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A Different Dynamic

On the surface this child can come across as though their needs are being met, but this is going to be far from the truth. When they are around their parent/s, their true-self could typically be ignored.
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Said another way, their feelings and needs are going to be seen as being irrelevant, and what will be more important are their parents/s needs and feelings. In fact, one could be completely out of touch with themselves.

Another Part Of Them

Their child is then not going to be seen as in an individual who has their own needs and feelings; they will be seen as extension of themselves. The child is going to have to be who their parent/s wants then to be to survive.

At this age, the only thing they are going to want to receive is their parent/s approval, and disconnecting from themselves is going to be a price they are only too happy to pay. This can result in one being used to fulfil needs that another adult should meet, and there can be the things that their parent/s were unable to achieve when they were younger.

For Example

If the child only has one parent around, this parent could use them to meet their emotional needs, amongst toner things. Thus, the child has then become the parent, and the parent has become the child.

On the other hand, if one of their parents wanted to become a top sports star when they were younger but wasn’t allowed to fulfil this need or if they didn’t get as far as they wanted, they could do everything they can do make sure their child rises to the top.  But even if their child is able to get to this point, it might not cause them to feel fulfilled.

Awareness

Yet, if they are only doing this to please their parent/s, this is not going to be much of a surprise. As they haven’t received the kind of attunement that they need to develop a strong sense of self, they could feel like an empty shell.

Once they grow into an adult, this could be an experience that they are all too familiar with.  This can then be a time when it will be necessary for them to take deeper look into the effect their younger years have had on them, and to do what they need to do to transform themselves.

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Oliver JR Cooper
http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk